


Trainwreck

by Caroaimezoe



Series: Trainwreck [1]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Dark, Drug Use, Jealousy, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Turtlecest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-02-17 05:34:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 85,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13070196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caroaimezoe/pseuds/Caroaimezoe
Summary: Three words and Donnie had lost control, plunging them into an impossible situation. And he was supposed to be the genius.!!~~Winner in the Universal TMNT Fanfiction Competition 2017: (Mature Ballot) Sexiest Donatello 2nd Place; ~~!!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Illustration SakyCchan  
> Beta: KerryAnne

 

It was all his fault. He should never have let the poem go by. It wasn’t his, because he’d copied it. Nevertheless, Raphael didn’t give him time to pretend otherwise, because he rushed into the living room and ostentatiously proclaimed the first lines, gesturing grandiloquently, which added to Donnie’s mortification:

_"Your blue eyes like two blueberries_

_Follow me in the faded grass_

_And near the lake with slender reeds_

_Where the messy breeze_

_Dancing minuets. "_

 

"Poor April," said Raph, with false concern. “You must be fed up! Don harasses you with his pathetic attempts at seduction.”

Donatello blushed while looking down, because Raph was, of course, going to humiliate him in front of her. Casey and Raph were bouncing, nudging each other, as Donnie's heart shattered. He couldn’t deny it, noting the girl’s obvious discomfort.  April found it heavy to bear.

Don’s eyes filled with tears of shame, anger and pain and he didn’t know how to get out of the situation. He was tired of appearing like a failure in his beloved’s eyes, and especially in front of his rival, Casey. He heard Leo's authoritative voice, like it was under water, telling Raph to shut up and apologize.

Don looked up to meet his eldest brother's despairing blue eyes an idea suddenly hit him. It could have been Mikey, but the youngest was in the kitchen, and as stressed as he was, Donnie didn’t remember that he had another blue-eyed brother. He snapped, “I didn’t copy the poem for April. Do you see her name anywhere?”

Raphael rolled his green eyes, chuckled and said, “Dumbass. You think you’re deceiving someone, Lord Byron? April’s the only blue-eyed girl that we know and everyone knows that you yearn for her love. You didn’t draw hearts for nothing around the poem.”

Donnie narrowed his eyes and boldly said, “It’s for Leo. I love him.”

The words had escaped from his mouth almost without his permission. And now it was too late. He couldn’t take them back.

The laughter rang out, while Casey winced in disgust and Leo spat out his tea, the shock seizing him more brutally than a heart attack. April, relieved that she wasn’t involved, exclaimed excitedly, as she jumped up and down, “But, Donnie. That’s wonderful. I never thought there was something between you and Leo! Mikey! You have to come here!”

The redhead went to get the youngest.

Seeing his leader’s shocked expression, Donnie suddenly weighed up all the consequences of his Impulsive words. Mikey would be another witness to his cowardly lie. And he wouldn’t be silent.

 

Calm down, Donnie told himself. April and Casey will eventually leave and you’ll explain to Leo that despite your intelligence, you hadn’t thought of anything better to get you out of trouble. Leo’s understanding.

Mikey entered the room, excitedly rushing at Donnie like bees do to honey.

“What, D! What does April tell me? Do you have the hots for Leo? But that’s fantastic. You won’t die a virgin mutant turtle!”

Mikey was so animated about the revelation that he was almost sitting on Donnie and he couldn’t breathe. Donnie tried to get rid of the orange turtle, but Mikey refused to let go.

“Have you already done it?” Mikey questioned with bright eyes. “I want to see you kissing! It’s so beautiful and is the coolest day of my life. I feel like I’m in Games of Thrones.”

Leo intervened after clearing his throat. Although he’d lost his usual Zen attitude, consternation being clearly visible on his face, he tried to master the situation and curb Mikey, who was on the verge of being incontrollable in his elation at seeing his brothers in a relationship.

“Nobody kissed anyone,” Leo said firmly. “Donatello wanted to make a joke. Isn’t that right, Donnie?”

All eyes turned in Donnie’s direction and he leaned back in the chair under that weight. Leo was offering him a way out and he had to take He quickly glanced at April, whose sapphire eyes shone with hope. Her eyes were really beautiful. That was what he preferred at home, he thought, but her eyes broke his heart. April WISHED more than anything that Leo was the real recipient of the poem. April wanted to get rid of her cumbersome admirer. Leo would understand.

“No, Leo,” Donnie said. “I’m serious. I wrote the poem for you. Why are you surprised?” He said it as naturally as he could, crossing his legs to hide the nervous tremors in his body.

“But, Donnie. You never said anything before. We’re brothers,” Leo said with difficulty, as playful as if it just been announced that he had malaria.

“I only became aware of my feelings a few weeks ago. I wanted to wait for Valentine's Day in two days’ time, but Raph ruined one of my surprises.” And Donnie chuckled awkwardly.

Donnie’s laugh sounded forced and wrong to himself, but everyone seemed to believe what he had just said, except the person concerned who was frowning and who repeated his argument, considering that he had to end Donnie’s “madness”.

“We’re brothers.”

“Only raised as brothers.  And it’s not like there are other members of our species,” Donnie explained, trying to sound convincing. “I’ve just arrived at a stage in my life when I need to express my love in a more concrete way. Looking for a partner at our age is natural. I can give you some scientific data on the normality of the phenomenon. If you want, we can go to my lab, alone, and I'll show you that ...”

 He wanted to use the invitation to speak to Leo privately and to explain the reasons for his actions, but Mikey, mistaking his intentions, clasped his hands, thrilled and said ecstatically, “They want to be alone. How cute!” He didn’t give Donnie time to deny anything and kept going. “Will you share the same room? Take Leo’s. It’s further away. I don’t want to hear your screams at night. Raph’s a pervert and he’ll get over it!”

Donnie thought that Raph looked about to be sick and smiled at him, having managed to traumatize the red-clad turtle. Well done, Donnie thought. That’ll teach you to meddle in my love and to poke your nose in my lab.

Donnie regretted that he’d eventually have to disappoint Mikey and that he’d scared the Fearless Leader, who’d done nothing to deserve such a shock. He was also going to have to explain his “breakup” to April later, but they’d cross that bridge when it happened. The important thing was the blue eyes of the girl that stared at him, as if he was finally worth to be stared at.

Mikey then told them that the meal was ready, but he regretted not having cooked anything extraordinary to mark the event.

“Shell, D,” Mikey said.  I’d have planned something if you’d told me.”

So, when they were getting ready for dinner, the red-haired girl pressed his hand and whispered, “You’ll me tell everything, Donnie.”

Donnie nodded, while Mikey arranged the table seating.

"There,” Mikey said exuberantly. “Raph’s next to me and Leo’s next to Donnie.” Mikey paused, wiggled his eye ridges suggestively and purred, “There may be fewer arguments and more love.” Donnie wanted to die from embarrassment and glanced at Leo, who wasn’t much better. Then Mikey hit the final nail in the coffin and said, “I’ll get Master Splinter! Wait until he learns this! He’ll get his sake that he only drinks on special occasions! I want to tell him first! Wait for us before you kiss!”

Mikey fled, before a stunned Donnie could stop him. If Master Splinter was involved, the joke had reached the point of almost no going back. Both he and Leo moaned audibly and wondered what Splinter was going to say.


	2. Chapter 2

Donatello tried to calm down and thought, it’s good that Mikey told Master Splinter, because he’ll oppose this incestuous and homosexual passion. He’ll say that he’d never allow such an ignoble and unnatural act to happen in his clan. I’ll only have to pretend to submit to his will. So, the tale will be nipped in the bud and my honor will be safe.

Leo tried to smile comfortingly at the eldest Hamato brother, who sat as stiffly in his chair, as if he’d been captured by the Foot and would be tortured at any moment. Donnie regretted having involved Leo, who didn’t deserve such torment. Leo was integrity and goodness personified. He was paying for Raph's bad joke and it was unfair. He, Donnie, would eventually find a way to make amends and to be forgiven.

Master Splinter entered the kitchen, looking serious. Donnie smiled at him sincerely. Thanks to him, everything would return to order and his misbehaviour would be history.

“Donatello,” Splinter said. “Your brother’s informed me that you had something to tell us. What about, my son?” The rat appeared curious and not angry. Donnie hadn’t expected that. He coughed, too deep in his lie to back out now.

“Uh, I like Leo and…”

He couldn’t go further with his deception, not being a dishonest turtle by nature and told himself that was enough. The rat would launch into indignant imprecation and there was no need to give details

“Are you asking me for permission to court him?” Splinter gently completed the sentence.

Dazed and stuck, Donnie just nodded, never having wanted the old rat’s wrath so much, as he did now. Only a paternal curse could get him out of the shit. Eventually, maybe his cursed love would touch April's heart and make him interesting. Who knows?

He was already preparing to beg his Sensei’s forgiveness and swear he no longer had any desire for the rat’s precious star pupil, when Splinter’s smile stunned him.

“You have my permission, Donatello. Leonardo, being my eldest and successor, besides being a great person in every respect, I can only offer him to someone deserving, who’ll love him as he deserves. I hope you’ll l prove your worth.”

Master Splinter had spoken calmly and considerately and Donnie remained floored. A ban would have been almost preferable at this point. He didn’t feel the need to support the comedy any longer.

“You aren’t mad, Sensei? You raised us as brothers after all.”

Donnie hoped to spark a surge of consciousness in their Sensei. To put a brake on the derailment he, himself, had caused. Because if Splinter approved his "passion", only Leo’s death or Leo rejecting him, could save him. Their Sensei wasn’t known for his sense of humor. His anger would be apocalyptic if he knew that Donatello had lied to him in the face, had knowingly fooled the whole family, and had made his precious heir the victim of his bad joke.

 

“Not at all. Only surprised,” the old rat said. “I knew the day would come when a brother would want another brother for a partner. I'm only surprised that it's you, but if you’re ready to prove your merit and that you deserve Leonardo, I must agree.”

Donnie felt like he was going to be sick. He looked around him and saw that the opinions were divided. Mikey and April were enthusiastic supporters of the “Don + Leo = Happy Forever" team. Casey looked disgusted, Raph annihilated and Leo looked like a Christian martyr in front of Emperor Nero.  Donnie turned his head. He was the damn genius. How could he have gone so far? He now understood why pride was a sin. He was doing despicable things, like making a brother suffer for nothing.

He didn’t understand his father’s game. Leo was the eldest son and the obvious favorite, but Donnie didn’t see what he had to “prove” to deserve Prince Leonardo’s heart. Splinter had known him for 18 years. He’d raised him. He was intelligent and honest and...

The intelligent and honest brother, who’s lying and deceiving everyone, Donnie thought regretfully.

He was going to confess everything to end the madness, but April took his hand from under the table. Her lips silently articulated “courage” and Don realized he was undone. He looked at Leo again. The leader was studying his plate. Donnie could have chosen worse as a fake lover. Leo was the most attractive and that’s probably why his phony love story had seemed plausible right from the start. It wouldn’t have been believed about Mikey, because although his eyes were blue, he was too immature for Donnie’s liking. Leo, being the most thoughtful and the most reasonable after himself and from a physical point of view, the handsomest. Their reciprocal attraction could make sense. In any case, he was too deep in the swamp to get out.

“Yes. Of course, Sensei.  I’ll do everything I can to deserve Leo’s heart,” Donnie said in a tone that he hoped was firm.

“Good. We’ll see how that goes. Let’s eat before it gets cold.”

Even if he wasn’t hungry, Donnie, who’d never been greedy, shoved mashed potatoes into his mouth, telling himself that as long as his mouth was full, he couldn’t be forced to talk.

Of course, neither Splinter, nor Leo, nor even Donatello, in their attempt to educate Mikey, had ever fully succeeded in inculcating the law of etiquette to the youngest. Don's cheeks swollen with mashed potatoes and ground beef couldn’t stop him from asking all the questions that tormented him. The love story that he, the little intuitive brother, hadn’t seen coming, intrigued him.

“So, Donnie, tell me, what does Leo have more than me? I mean, why him? I’m the cutest, dude. Isn’t that so, April?” Mikey asked.

“Yes, Mikey. I’m also curious. Donnie, why Leo? What made you fall in love with him?” April asked, looking ecstatic, elbows on the table, her eyes radiating like blue topazes.

 

Donatello swallowed, wondering if he should pretend he was choking, so they’d be distracted. Mikey and April gazed at him in delight, ready to be moved with each word, lies that would escape his lips. Seeing his Sensei’s equally inquisitive expression, he was stuck. He had to find something VERY convincing.

Donnie glanced at Leo, hoping he’d see something about his brother that would inspire him to answer. He saw his leader almost every hour of the day, but he’d never looked at it that way. He’d said attractive earlier without even realizing it. But how could he really justify that after April, he’d fallen in love with a being so different from her? They had nothing in common. Even their blue eyes were different. Leo’s were a deep blue, like an abyss, and nothing like the summer sky of Mikey’s and April’s.

Donnie mentally congratulated himself on his poetic comparison, but blue eyes didn’t seem enough of a reason to suddenly fall in love with his brother and leader. He quickly looked at April again. He had to find the same reasons why he liked Leo. He liked April’s red hair. What could he say about Leo? I like your bald, jade head? Nobody would accept that was true. The situation was deadlocked!

Sweat beaded Donnie’s temple, he heard his father clear his throat, April moan impatiently and Mikey blame him for the suspense. Leo, giving in to his curiosity, looked at him and Donnie was distracted from his thoughts.

Donnie’s brain, his greatest pride, was in overdrive, and it deprived him of his senses for a moment. Then the world returned to him and his instinct, now that his brain was no longer his biggest resource, made him articulate words. His eyes fixed on Leo's, hypnotized, Donnie randomly invented compliments that could apply to his brother.

“Leo has the most expressive eyes I know in terms of deep emotions. It must be because of his leadership position that he has to have an impenetrable expression. Without any of his features moving, just how the light reflects in the iris, I know if he’s stirred, anxious, satisfied or furious. The hue of his eyes is really the same blueberry as the poem I found. Not a tasteless common blue that any wildflower can have. It’s a rich and unique hue. Do you already have the Pacific Ocean of Space? The shade’s the same and so deep that you feel like you’re drowning in it. The Renaissance painters used a lot of cobalt blue to paint, among other things, the mantle of the Virgin. Only something of an almost divine essence deserved such a precious color.”

Raphael snorted and commented that it was the lamest compliment he'd ever heard in his life. But he saw April and Mikey's eyes shine with emotion and heard a sigh of delight from the youngest. Likewise, Leo's gaze resting on him, wavered for a moment, before shifting elsewhere. Leo could stare at you for hours and had learned that from their Sensei, but he looked away this time to Donnie’s stupefaction.

Donnie thought he might be quiet now. He’d already said enough. He couldn’t drench Leonardo with overexaggerated compliments in public and then tell him that it was a joke. Although the leader was understanding, the list of his nonsense was getting longer and making it almost unpardonable. Leo would make him pay a hundredfold for his stupidity in the Dojo for at least a month, he thought, gritting his teeth. He couldn’t blame him. Yes. At least 200 daily back-flips would be on the program.

A green hand snapped his fingers and brought Donnie out of his trance.

“Then? We understood about the eyes, but then? There are surely other things!”

Donnie looked at his executioner with the orange bandana, who was staring at him, swooning, demanding the endless list of the incomparable Leo’s charms. Donnie tried to hide his exasperation. He had to give another one or two efficient compliments and then he could go and hide his shame in the lab. Knowing Leo, he’d quickly follow him to find out what the story was about and why Donnie had said everything.

“Leo has an irreproachable musculature. The definition of each line of his well-toned body ...”

Leo nervously covered his face in his hands and Donnie pitied the leader’s embarrassment. He should have picked Mikey, who wouldn’t have made him feel as ashamed. Although, Donnie thought, Mikey might have BELIEVED his declarations of love and would have begun to develop feelings as well. Leo was rational and insightful. He knew that everything he said wasn’t real. He must have known! Leo wasn’t the type to cling to illusions and to fall in love with him after a few sentences, while Mikey would have made a huge fuss about it.

“Raph doesn’t have bigger muscles? Why not Raph? He has pretty eyes too, right?” Mikey innocently asked, sincerely captivated and wanting more details.

Raphael looked so repulsed that Donnie could have laughed if the circumstances had been different and stated that if he saw one of his brothers stalking him, he’d smash their faces.

A cacophony ensued, allowing Donnie to try to regain control of his nerves and to reconnect the rational part of his brain to find a way out.

The sudden movement of a chair on the concrete made them jump.

“Please excuse me,” Leo said. “I’m not hungry anymore and am going to meditate.”

Leo’s voice was so soft, but he also sounded pained. Guilt hit Donnie. He didn’t exactly know why, but Leo was suffering from the situation. And it was his fault. He tried to stop his brother's escape by holding him by the elbow, but the blue clad turtle stepped backwards, as if his hand was an aspic.

Donnie’s heart shattered, as he watched the jade turtle move away. He suddenly realized that if he had to name which of his brothers he preferred, it would have been Leo, without any hesitation. His calm posture, his tranquil voice, his penetrating gaze, his great patience and his endless devotion made him the ideal big brother. He’d hurt Leo now, and although it had been involuntary, he’d irretrievably broken something between them.

Discreet, not very demonstrative of his emotions, jealously guarding his intimacy, Leo hated attention, unless it was for ninjustu prowess. Delivered to the curiosity of their family, detailed as a slave auction and treated by their father as a princess maid of the Middle Ages, to the great joy of all, he must have been deeply humiliated. Donnie had to explain himself to Leo before the misunderstanding had even greater ramifications.

He got up to run to join his brother, when Splinter’s voice stopped him. “Donatello, you and I’ll have sake. We must discuss your future. Follow me.”

It was an order and not a suggestion.

Petrified and feeling like a condemned prisoner, Donnie told himself, as he followed his father, that even if he hated the taste of sake, any strong alcohol would be very welcome at the moment.

Passing Leo’s door and still following his father, Donnie thought he heard sob.  Shocked, his knees almost buckled underneath him.

He’d made his brother cry. Leo, the master of self-control, never cried. If it had reached that point, it was pretty bad and he’d deeply wounded his brother. Donnie was devastated and overcome with remorse.

Donnie felt like the biggest scumbag, a feeling he’d never known before. He’d experienced despair, shame and failure. He’d hated himself for being a horrible olive-green mutant in love with a pretty girl. But he’d never considered himself the "bad guy”. That was Raphael’s department. That discovery made him almost fall. He had to be mature, console Leo and ask him for forgiveness.

But hiss Sensei stopped him, forcing him to continue following him.

“No, my son. You’ll see Leonardo later. We’ll drink sake and talk for now,” Splinter said firmly.

“But, Sensei. Leo seems sad. It breaks my heart. I just want to talk to him for a moment,” Donnie begged.

“He’s just like me and is moved with happiness at the news. Leonardo came to me recently, complaining of a long life of loneliness without love. Your statement’s timely. You know your brother’s discreet. The shock of the news upset him. But now that the worst has passed, I hope you’ll persevere in your desire to win your brother's heart. I’d be immensely disappointed and angry if you changed your mind, now Donatello. And Leonardo may be hurt too, which neither you nor I wish.”

Master Splinter's grew sterner, as they approached the old rat's Shonji.

Splinter motioned for him to sit before him and ceremoniously poured the sake.

Donatello, panicked by the official turn of events, tried to rephrase what he’d understood, distressed by the revelations of the mutant rat and desperately seeking a way out:

“Sensei, you say that ... uh, Leo will be disappointed if I ... um, if I'm not in love with him anymore?”

 

"Of course, Donatello. Your brother, Leonardo, has feelings, despite his restraint. You can’t toy with him and dangle a carrot and remove it, as if he was a heartless animal. You gave him hope by showing a path on which you can travel with him. So, you must take his hand and cross the road and see where it leads.”

Donnie took the cup of sake that the rat handed him with the recognition of a Bedouin after two months in the desert. His head was spinning. He’d fallen into his own trap, like a fool. He had one hope left. After finishing the sake, he eagerly questioned his master, “You spoke of trials to win Leo’s heart? What are they?”

He’d only failed the said tests or, without being too unpleasant, having already made his elder brother suffer enough and wanting to preserve what could still be so, to make sure that Leonardo developed no feelings other than fraternal towards him. So, no one could blame him for anything.

“Nothing you can’t pass, my son, without showing an absence of willingness,” Splinter said, handing him a now filled cup of sake. “And a lack of effort on your part will disappoint everyone and break Leonardo's heart. Your brother deserves the best. Don’t you think? Miss O Neil will also be very disappointed with the turn of events. She seems to be very happy about you and Leonardo.” Splinter paused, his stern eyes, almost black, focussed on his son. Then he said, “I can only congratulate you, Donatello, for finally realizing that your passion for the young girl wouldn’t get you anywhere. Your brother’s a much more desirable partner in every way. It was time for you to realize it.”

Splinter's gaze quieted more than a gorgon's. Outwardly, a panicked voice in his brain kept screaming "trapped" in his mind, sending warning signals, trying to force his lips to move, to say a word of protest right now. Or to get up and move away. But his tongue ankylosed under the penetrating gaze of his Sensei, he found himself unable to do anything, whether to tell the truth or to flee.

His father, seeing that he wouldn’t leave, pitilessly continued and smiled victoriously.

“You’re lucky, my son. I know the depths of your brother's soul and can help you conquer him. Let me advise you.”

Donnie swallowed the hot liquid, his eyes wet as much by the strong drink, as by the realization of his damnation, nodding unconsciously in a sign of submission. His quotient of 210 points would be no recourse to him. He’d dug his grave and he had to lie in it.


	3. Chapter 3

Kneeling in front of his father, ready to listen to his sentence, Donatello tried to cling to the part of his brain, not  bigger than a cherry, which he called "Mikey", in a not so discreet tribute to his youngest brother. This tiny, indestructible and irrational neuron was responsible for sustaining the fire of his sterile passion for April for so long, despite his cartesian mind. That optimistic little voice that made him interpret every tense smile of the girl like a confession of love.

Long story short , the "Mikey" part whispered to him that perhaps at some point, his Sensei would smile, explain that all of this was just a joke, in order to serve as a lesson for the future. Donnie was ready to do the most edifying "mea culpa" that the rat had ever seen in his life.

 

“Donatello. Do you think you know your brother, Leonardo?” The rat asked quietly. Without waiting for the answer, his Sensei continued:

 

“Of course, you must know your brother well. You wouldn’t be in love with it, otherwise, would you? So, I'm not stating  anything new by telling you that Leonardo is a romantic young man, but more focused on the metaphysical than physical aspect of love in the first place. He must be courted by the book before physically demonstrating his reciprocal feelings.”

 

Master Splinter's voice had became  firmer. The turtle with purple bandana thought his father had nothing to fear from this point of view. Donnie had no intention of doing "things" to his older brother. Preparing  his tea, complimenting him on his ability to fight or the blue of his eyes, all right. But pressing his jade lips against his... He tried to imagine it for a moment. He felt funny. Not disgusted or excited, just... scared. From mixed fear to a sort of feverishness that tugged at his belly. He didn’t have time to analyze further the reasons for this excitement, he  realized that his father had been talking for some time and that he hadn’t listened to a single word that said.

 

“He is very attached to traditions, but he is not a stubborn young mutant so far. So, you have to stay natural. These are the key elements of your brother's personality. I strongly hope that you will follow my advice. I wouldn’t allow Leonardo's heart to be broken once more.”

 

Donnie nodded, not looking at the old rat in his eyes, so that his distress wasn’t too obvious. The shameless favoritism of his father for Leonardo, although known and accepted as an unalterable fact of the other three brothers, began to seriously weight  on his shoulder . Did Splinter care for Donatello’s broken heart? Who consoled him for all these disappointments with April? His father had only pushed the knife into the wound every time, as in this famous lesson on falling. Raph made fun of him on every occasion and Mikey too and their master had never put an end  to all this teasing .

 

But not Leo. The leader had gone through several attitudes. He first  tried to warn him that this crush would  lead him nowhere, then he laughed  with the others, but more discreetly. Recently though , the eldest  had shown great restraint on this subject, demonstrating that although he didn’t approve of this passion that did more harm than good to Donnie, he considered him sole master of this decision. Now that he was thinking of it , lately the mood of the katana bearer had darkened, in spite of an always cordial attitude and his efforts to conceal it.

 

Suddenly Donnie raised his  head. The old rat had let the implication that Leonardo's heart had already been broken by someone slipping from his mouth. Who did he refer to? Karai?

 

“Now, my son, following my observations, can you tell me how  your behavior at the table earlier was reprehensible?”

 

Donnie shrugged.  The questions of his Sensei were more rhetoric than real questions anyway .

 

Sighing with discouragement, the rat explained:

 

"You have complimented Leonardo on his physical appearence, pretending to love his body and his eyes. Do you consider that these are the only desirable aspects of your brother? You can be physically attracted to him, I concede, but true love doesn’t have only carnal desire as the basis.”

 

Donatello retained a movement of exasperation. Of cou rse, he knew it. But, busy with questions from everyone, he had not had time to refine his false declaration of love. But how to admit it, now?

“ Your intellect has made that, at a very young age, I left you self-educated. When did I last ask for a homework, Donatello?”

 

Perplexed, Donnie pondered, not the question in itself , but rather where his Sensei was going.

 

“You were 8 years old. But tonight, I'm going to ask you for one. And until it's over, you can’t get out of this room.”

 

Donnie opened his  eyes wide. Was it a joke? Did his father really treat him like a kid? Shit! The whole lair was habitable thanks to him. If they were all alive and well, it was only by his medical abilities. The filial respect barely holds  his tongue, but he was convinced that, despite everything, his face had to express his frustration clearly enough, his father being a great  physiognomic. Only Leonardo  was able to retain an emotionless expression . He bit his lips. The thought of his brother, innocent, that he had dragged into this quagmire, pushed him to silently accept what his sensei was telling him .

 

"It's nothing very long," the rat said . “First, I want you to write me  a detailed list of the qualities you admire about Miss O'Neill.”

 

Donatello took the sheet that Master Splinter handed him. Writing what he liked about April was easy. But he was suspicious. His father surely had a plan behind all of this. All of Splinter's exercises ended up being pretty hard lessons. This time would be no exception.

 

But he didn't have any choice  and, anyway, expressing  his love for April and not for Leonardo, as he had done for the last three hours, would do him good.

 

He made a list of what he liked about the girl, detailing all the charms of the redhead.

 

When he had finished, he read again, to be sure he hadn’t forgotten anything. He realized that once again he had laid himself down on physical beauty, detailing April as a Renaissance master piece, without adding anything he admired in April's personality.

Ashamed, not wanting to appear too “carnal”, he wrote:

 

_-She is courageous._

_-She is intelligent._

_-She is funny._

 

With satisfaction, he handed the sheet to his Sensei. Three was an  universal number that pleased everyone. The old rat ran through it quickly and asked him if he could give examples of the last three named aspects.

 

"She is brave, because she is ready to follow us in our battles. To save  his father among others. What a filial love, isn't it, Sensei?”

 

The rat, unimpressed by Donnie's dithyrambic tone, motioned him to continue.

 

“She is smart because she understands what I tell her. I can talk with her.”

 

The black eyes of the rat stared at him. Donnie, feeling that  his words might be hurtful, tried to explain:

 

“I don't mean to  disrespect, Sensei... Mikey is... Mikey. Too distracted to follow a serious conversation. Raph is too impatient and aggressive. You, Sensei, are too busy. I don’t dare to disturb you.”

 

“And Leonardo?”

 

“Leo is ... an attentive ear. He doesn’t understand everything, especially not what is too technological, but he patiently tries to listen to me and learn. In our childhood , he was my least recalcitrant student.”

 

Donnie realized that indeed, it was true. That must have been another reason why this pretended passion aroused so little surprise. Leonardo, the easiest brother to live in, was the only candidate that could be considered if he wanted a partner of his kind.

 

The problem was that, although it was a sensitive  choice, he didn’t envision a partner of his kind.

 

 

Drawing from his thoughts, his father stated that he didn’t need examples of why April was funny, since her  attempts to escape Donatello were of a great comic, recognized by all. Donnie lowered his head to hide his tears.  His Sensei took pleasure in roughing him up and, although today he deserved it enough, it hurt him all the same. He raised his head when the rat told him he wanted him to now list  the qualities of Leonardo. Had he not been punished enough?

 

“Here, I counted. You love twelve things about  Miss O'Neill's. So, you will find thirteen beloved aspects of your brother. I'm asking for one more, because since he's the one you love now, it should be easy. Though , for each physical quality written, you must find two qualities related to his personality.”

 

Donnie sighed:

 

“Sensei ... “he tried to oppose.

 

"Perhaps you  prefer that I go and get Leonardo? To tell him face to face?”

He was tamed at the hearing of his brother's name. Leo had had a bad night because of him, he didn’t want to push him in further shame. In any case, Leo had a pretty kind personality. It was not as hard as if his Sensei had asked him the same thing but for Raph.

 

He began by writing what came to his mind first , that is, what he had already stated, in a rudimentary but precise vocabulary. Nothing flew lyrical to describe the physical charms of April. He spoke of Leo's eyes, skin color, and musculature. Being turtles, their attractions were quite limited. He added Leo's voice and smell, which were two features he had always appreciated without realizing, about the leader in blue. Both seemed comforting to him. Then he wrote the moral qualities of his brother. In fact, it was easy, Leo was honest, active, considerate, clean, generous, polite, dedicated, economical, patient, modest, wise, helpful, sensitive, attentive, discreet. He added for good measure other qualities essential for a master ninja: courage, speed, efficiency, aptitude for combat and good strategist.

 

To his surprise, he noticed that in  less than five minutes, he found more admirable qualities in his brother than in his human friend. He thought it was normal, knowing better Leo than April. He also discovered that the kind  of qualities between Leo and April were proportionally reversed. He had found it easy to find bodily attractions for the girl, mainly because she was female and human, but her personality was harder to pin down. Leonardo had been the opposite case. The character of his brother being so estimable that almost all the qualities applied to him. He handed the sheet back .

 

The rat smiled :

 

“Your first task will be to convince  Leonardo that he has these qualities. Not all at once, two or three different a day. Your brother is constantly questioning himself. You must convince him of your admiration and devotion, but not physically.”

 

So, all of this was just a plan to boost Leo's ego? Splinter used his impulsive stupidity as a lever to comfort his elder? Something was escaping him.

 

There was a knock on the door of Shonji. Mikey announced that a storm was raging on the surface and that April and Casey may have to stay in the lair for the night.

 

Master Splinter stood up:

 

“Michelangelo, you can tell Miss O'Neil that Donatello's room is available. Mr. Jones will be able to sleep in the camp bed of the infirmary. Or on the sofa. At his discretion.”

 

For a moment, Donnie's heart almost stopped ... April was going to spend the night in his room? His faked love for Leonardo thus washed him of any suspicion of reprehensible conduct? He served himself some sake to curb his nerves. His eyes had to shine with joy too clearly because Splinter clarified his thought:

 

“Donatello will sleep with Leonardo. Tonight, and all subsequent nights. Like a real couple to-be.”

 

The incisive tone was crystal clear: the decision was final.

 

Donnie spat  out the sake, while Mikey was ecstatic about the idea while claiming caps for his ears.

 

His heart beating wildly in his chest, not listening to the sly commentary of the  youngest, suddenly terribly anxious to spend a night in his brother's narrow bed, to share his privacy and answer his inevitable questions, he thought he was going to feel physically sick. And moreover, his father wanted this "move" to be final. His sentence was without appeal. Whether he liked  it or not, by following an impulsive reaction to a mockery, he was now forcibly "engaged" to his own brother.

 

When his younger brother had retired, his hand clenched on his breastplate, Donatello asked in a quivering voice:

 

“I thought you didn’t want physical…”

 

“I trust the wisdom of your brother. Leonardo is not a defenseless maid. Anyway, I think you respect him enough to wait for his signal," the rat answered unequivocally. “ He is the eldest and my appointed successor, I blindly trust his judgment.”

 

Donnie then saw an opportunity to withdraw his head from the guillotine bezel:

 

“Have you thought about asking Leo? Leonardo hates breaking his routine and becomes frankly maniac when someone move a stick of incense into his room. He's really protective of his intimacy. I don’t think Leo loves me. He didn’t react well before, right?”

 

“Not yet, but it will come, you must be patient. Your brother is now more suspicious but, I know that you will put efforts to win his heart and his confidence. Take the time to get to know him as potential partner. He is not the same turtle depending on whether he wears the mask of a leader, the one of  a big brother or a lover.”

 

Donnie felt nausea rising  when he heard the word "lover" in the paternal mouth. There are times with their parents  that children don’t want to attend or words they don’t want to hear. And the idea that his father pictured them making love disturbed him highly. He refused to visualize any further than to hold hands with Leonardo, in the worst extreme case.

 

Not disturbed by his disgusted look, his father continued:

 

“Leonardo is honest. He'll let you prove yourself to him  before refusing you,” his Sensei reassured him, by tapping him on the shell, “but since you're so anxious, I'll see him with you to signify my decision.”

 

His fingers twitching nervously, Donnie followed Splinter to Leonardo's room. At each step, he said to himself that, surely, Leo would oppose to  this rape of his intimacy. Being the favorite of their father, the elder's arguments would be more likely to be heard by the old rat. If the leader affixed his unofficial "veto". Splinter would never force his dear  pupil's hand and will drop the case. The problem was that Leo would never refuse anything  to their Sensei. At least, so far. This madness would take him out of his usual state of submission.

 

The old rat knocked on the door and announced the news to a stoic Leo. Not a trace of his face shudders at the utterance of the paternal decision.

 

Splinter left them on one last:

 

“I leave you alone, your brother Donatello has a lot to tell you.”

 

Leo graciously bowed his head to greet his father and, to Donnie's astonishment, signaled him to enter in his bedroom.

 

Donnie, having debated internally for a while, and having reasoned that only Leo could put a stop to the situation and that he was understanding (had he omitted it as a quality earlier?) slapped himself mentally, for his cowardice and set foot in the den.

 

He had not closed the door yet that Leo was already abruptly invading  his living space, crushing him to the wall and keeping his arms on either side of Donnie to prevent any escape attempt:

 

"Kiss me," he ordered, but in a voice as masculine as suave, his blue eyes filled with an unusual fire.

 

Leo's gaze was so close, so hypnotic that Donnie, fascinated, saw nothing else and, having spent his life following the orders of his immediate leader, he obeyed.

 

Leo's lips pressed on his with angry possessiveness, which frightened Donnie like he had never been. Yes, when he had thought that their leader wouldn’t get out of it, after being beaten by all the clans of the Foot, he was afraid of losing his older brother. But this time this terror was much more intimate and paralyzing. A beast, lurking in him, woke up screaming, ulcerated for  having been ignored for so long, plowing his insides. This physical reaction left him distraught, each nervous ending producing a Hiroshima that it also transmitted to others, leaving his brain, blank for the very first time.

 

Leonardo's tongue, suddenly against his own, after he forced the barrier of his lips, gave him the effect of an almost deadly electroshock, reducing his ability to think to nothing. In two labial movements, his brother had initiated into him the "animal" mode, leaving him as impotent as a doll of his, happily being dominated by the alpha male. He knew he was scared. It was the only thing he still knew , along with  the name "Leo" and the fact that he was completely at his mercy.

 

It was impossible for him to get out of the way, Leo was wrapping his head with the inflexibility of an iron virgin, leaving him no freedom of movement. In any case, any trace of combativeness in him had been reduced to an atomic state from the first moment. He couldn’t even determine if he was still breathing, all his senses being monopolized by  the appreciation of tactile contact. He couldn’t even tell if he liked that either. He was no longer certain of the meaning of any word. This kiss was more powerful than any verb and even any weapon. The turtle in blue' s lips were even more formidable than his swords, now even more surely still than if a katana had been passed through his body. If Leo hadn’t held him so firmly, he would surely have collapsed on the ground, paralyzed or because of a lack of blood in the brain, since the blood flow, to his great perplexity, was concentrated elsewhere.

 

Where had his brother learned to kiss like this?

 

Donatello hadn’t even known he had been moved from the wall near the door to the bed. Yet he was there, the shell pressed against the mattress, Leo above him. He had a moment of panic, following a slight friction of the inflated lower plastron against that of the dominant turtle.  All this was going way too fast. He wasn’t going to lose his virginity  for the benefit of his brother because of a simple misunderstanding! And yet, he knew that, to his great shame, he was two or three caresses away to spread his thighs moaning, despite his fright. Something in Leo prevented him from resisting him. He was confident that everything was going well, that Leo had control, no matter the circumstance, whether it was an extraterrestrial invasion or deflowering.

 

His frightened movement must have been perceived, for Leonardo interrupted his kiss, to stare at  him directly in the eyes. Indecipherable, they glared at him to the bottom of the soul. Osiris, when he put the hearts of the dead in the balance during the judgment, probably hadn't a more penetrating look. Donnie, freed from the alienating embrace, finally found the use of his brain But, as illogical as it was, the first coherent thought that it formed was:

 

"No, don’t stop kissing me. Your kisses are sublime. "

 

By the time his brain wake-up, Leo spoke, his dark blue eyes twisted in his own:

 

“It's not here…”

 

The voice was low, almost a sigh, but hoarsed , with a jaded intonation, hurt or disappointed, he couldn’t have said it, but this incongruous verbalization caught the attention of Donatello:

 

“What do you mean? What is not there?” Donatello stammered.

 

“Passion. Desire. You don’t feel any of this for me,” the katana wielder explained dryly. “You pretended the opposite only to not be ridiculed in April's eyes, not caring to ridicule me. I see clearly in your game, Donatello. You can be smart, but I’m not a fool. This kiss was a test. And you betrayed yourself.”

 

Donnie gulped with difficulty. He was at the moment he had been dreading so much for hours. He knew that the young leader was far too insightful to fall into the trap. Insightful ... had he written this on the list of positive skills earlier? No matter, he was revealed and he could only wish that his big brother would  be as magnanimous (another quality) than usual.

 

“Listen, Leo ...”

 

"No," Leonardo snapped, "you're going to listen to me, Donnie. Answer my question. Am I right yes or no? I need that you admit it.”

 

The voice and rigid posture of Leo, who had risen, refused the slightest delay from  Donatello. He hated lying and had lied  enough in the day.

 

“You are right. I lied to save face.”

 

His contrite expression  didn’t seem to arouse so much compassion from his blue leader. Coldly, he began to retreat as far as possible from Donatello, as if his proximity disgusted him.

 

“Well, now that everything is clear between us, I will explain to you how it will work. You never touch me when we are in my bedroom. I mean "our" bedroom, meanwhile ... For the rest, do what you want, it doesn’t matter. I know you don’t mean what you do or say. So, give yourself a show. I don’t care, as long as it remains credible to others.”

 

“I don’t understand Leo. You can say you don’t want me and that's it. Everything will stop, you will sleep alone in your room and everything will be like before. Nobody will reproach you and you can be quiet,” Donatello replied, confused.

 

“For a turtle so proud of his intellect, I think you have short sight. If I reject you, you will be discredited. April, in the very unlikely event that she would be suddenly attracted to you, will wonder about my refusal, so fast. This would publicize your lack of potential or value, if even I don’t want you. Imagine what you want Michelangelo, next. He will feel his whole life as a second choice. You wanted me and, despite your so lyrical compliments, I swept you away immediately. Mikey will not want my leftovers”

 

Donnie opened his  eyes wide, looking haggard:

 

“Leo, I thank you for these considerations, but I don’t believe that one day I will someone other than April and even less Raph or Mikey. If I were to be attracted to  a turtle, you would be the only possibity.”

 

“Whatever!” Leo spat fiercely.

 

Leonardo's reply had slammed as ruthlessly as a whiplash. He turned his back on Donnie, making room on the shelves, in anticipation of the arrival probably of the property of his new roommate, continuing to explain coldly his point of view:

 

“Your honor requires me to at least pretend to consider your proposals a few weeks. Then we can always argue and discuss incompatibilities of characters. If I refuse without giving you a chance to prove your value, we discredit each other in the eyes of our family and our friends and we also bypass our possibilities for the future and possible partners.”

 

Donnie remained silent. He recognized a certain truth in what Leonardo said and was terribly angry at having plunged into this quagmire his favorite brother. He wasn’t sure to follow the leader's reasoning completely. Leo, without being a genius like him, always thought five or six strokes in advance and had as a sixth sense to predict the actions of others. In chess, he was a formidable opponent. He sighed, the Fearless Leader was surely right.

 

"I hope you don’t blame me too much, Leo. I am sorry. You have the most beautiful blue eyes that I know with those of April. So…”

 

Leonardo cut him off with a cold gesture:

 

"Flattery will not get you anywhere with me, Donatello. Even less when we are alone. Keep this for the show!”

 

The heart of the olive turtle squeezed a little to the polar sound of the voice. He didn’t want to keep his head up in April at the expense of his relationship with Leo, which had always been excellent. He suddenly remembered Splinter's advice.

 

“I didn’t lie. Your eyes are beautiful and the jade of your skin, splendid. These affirmations have not surprised anyone because they are true. And I swear to you that, if I chose you, it's because ...”

 

Leonardo, with unusual impatience, cut him even harsher:

 

“Whatever. Go get your sheets and the bare minimum of your belonging, since you're staying here probably for the next six weeks. I will unfold the futon mattress. Nobody should know that you sleep there. It is better that others think that we sleep in the same bed, to accredit your fable.”

 

Donnie was silent, upset by the rapid succession of events, resulting from such a miserable little incident.

 

But what affected him most in all this was that, he saw it well, he had broken something much more valuable than the hypothetical chances of a future with April. Sadly, he came out of his new room to get his stuff, swearing to do anything to fix things between him and Leonardo.

 

Arriving in his room, he noticed that what he was really using was in the lab and it was useless to move those things that had no place in a bedroom. He didn’t want to annoy Leonardo any more by monopolizing space in his bedroom. Leo seemed already sufficiently ulcerated of all the situation. In order to show that he was still grateful for the forced courtesy of his brother, he decided to bring a single object. He searched for a long time what was significant and not too bulky and even if possible, would be a link between him and his brother in blue. Something to remind him that despite their present situation and their misunderstanding, there was a time when they were close. A blessed time that Donnie wanted to relive.

 

After putting his room and cupboards upside down, he finally found the perfect item.

 

It was a mineral collection that Leonardo himself had given him as a child. He had found it in a dump and, seeing a piece of jasper polished and reddish inside like the eyes of Donatello and knowing that being intellectually curious, he loved the novelties, he had offered him. Although it was not an impressive collection, consisting of only 36 pieces, it had been a boost for his desire to further his research and his love of science. The box didn’t take much space, so, he took it and his sheets in a ball, in the pillowcase.

 

Before leaving, he glanced at his digital dial. It was 10 pm, when he himself never went to bed, busy with a thousand projects, but he was exhausted by the end of the day. In addition, Leo, when not on patrol, always went to bed at 10:00 pm, getting up first at 5:30. Living, even if it was against his will, in his brother's room, he had to conform to his lifestyle.

 

As he was on his way to his new room, he was blocked in his path by a muscular arm.

 

“Where are ya going Brainiac?” the slurred voice and the fuzzy but gleaming eyes, as well as Raphael's fermented breath, bore no doubt as to the activity he had done before coming to Donnie. He had drunk. A lot.

 

Donnie looked away from embarrassment and disgust. Although he had just emptied a half carafe of sake with his father, he hated drunkenness. Today had been an exception.

 

“I'll sleep with Leo. This is my new room now, “he mumbled, not wanting to prolong the interview. He thought bitterly, "And all that is your fault. If you hadn’t searched my papers ... "

 

With a totally unpredictable anger, Raph hit the wall with his fist, at one inch from Donnie's head, surprising him so much that he almost dropped his mineral box.

 

“Da fuck is your room now?”  In spite of his anger, his blood alcohol level caused him to stammer the words and he spat a hair of his face, having dangerously close, plunging his reddened green eyes into his.

 

“Sensei said that ...”

 

Eyes glassy but radiating rage, Raphael cut him off, sputtering in his effort to articulate correctly. :

 

“Don’t give a shit about what he said, but what about Fearless?”

 

The inflection on the nickname seemed to indicate some resentment towards Leo, but Donatello didn’t take offense. Raphael's animosity for their leader was an established fact.

 

“Leo didn’t say anything. Just to bring over my things,” Donnie said quickly, while not fixing his immediate elder in the eyes. Defying Raph when he was in this state was dangerous. It was then necessary to act with the same prudence that for a wild animal.

 

“Donat..Donatello,” Raph cursed, struggling against each syllable and keeping his eyes focused, “I don’t know, what you up to…but you have nothing to seduce him. He will kick your sorry ass from his room before three days.”

 

Avoiding the postilions and whiskey-stinking breath, or whatever strong alcohol the red turtle kept in his room, Donnie disengaged himself. Everything was Raphael's fault and his frustration allowed him to raise his head. He understood that Raphael had been shocked by the false revelation of his crush on their older brother, but he wouldn’t let it go. If he had confronted Raphael earlier instead of inventing a lie, they wouldn’t be there. Firmly, he fixed his brother in the eyes and articulated the most clearly, he could so that, despite his intoxicated state, Raph can’t misunderstand his words.

 

“It is possible, Raph, that you are right. That will be Leonardo's decision and I will respect it, now let go of me. He's waiting for me to sleep, and he hates breaking his routine.”

 

Raphael let go of him and stepped back, mumbling nonsense like "not over, genius. Leo's going to kick you out, I'm warning you ... "

 

Donnie shrugged and continued on his way to knock softly on Leo's door, who told him to come in.

 

Feeling the phosphorescent eyes of Raph, at the end of the corridor, who was watching him through the mists of his intoxication, almost defying him to enter, he armed himself with courage and entered the room. He shouldn’t take the veiled threats of his brother seriously. It was the whiskey that had spoken through his mouth and nothing more. Tomorrow, Raph probably wouldn’t remember it.

 

Leo was sitting against the bed, reading. He didn’t look up to greet Donnie and turned a page.

 

“I was waiting for you. I go to bed at 10pm, when we don’t patrol. You must do the same. Already that you use me, you must at least respect my schedule.”

 

The voice was cold and the sapphire look hadn’t turned away from his reading.

 

Donnie's heart contracted. He knew Leo well enough to know what to do. On the rare occasions when the leader was furious, it was better to bend the knee. Anyway, it wasn’t like he was in a position to protest.

 

Discreetly, he put his box, in plain sight, on the bookshelves of his brother and then began to prepare his bed, on the futon mattress, that Leo had placed as far as possible from his. The smallness of the room, on the other hand, couldn’t allow a distance as large as Leonardo would have wished. With a heavy heart, while arranging his sheets, Donnie tried to justify his delay, as gently as possible to his brother who still didn’t care about his presence.

 

“I didn’t want to take up too much space. I looked for what was most important to me ...”

 

Leo turned his page a little more noisily than necessary and still didn’t look up, showing how little interest, he now had in regard to who counted for his brother or not.

 

With a stifled sigh, he nervously burst his pillow, chattering to decrease the tension:

 

"Then I met Raph on my way, who intercepted me to ask where I was going. He was barely standing,” he said with a sad little sneer. “I believe that a new search in his room is perhaps necessary for you. Certainly, he is hiding new bottles ...”

 

Mechanically, he had looked up to Leonardo now that he had finished his bed. He was surprised to see his brother's marine gaze, scrutinizing him intensely, his book abandoned on his lap.

 

Gravely, Leonardo asked him what Raph wanted.

 

Donnie, before answering, studied his brother for a moment. Despite the stoic mask, Leonardo seemed tense. This aroused his curiosity and he was relieved to see that his brother no longer denied his existence and asked him directly a question. Leo's wrath had changed object. No doubt Raph's drunkenness was the cause. The eldest hated this vice of their brother and had been fighting for it for years. Happy to be no longer the main cause of the turtle's ire in blue, he frankly told his meeting with the hot head.

 

“Oh, he seemed furious with my moving in your bedroom. He said that between us, it couldn’t work, that you were too good for me and that you would reject me in a few days. He looked very menacing and really mad about the situation but hey, it's Raph. And you and I know that when he's drunk, he says and does a lot of nonsense.”

 

The enigmatic blue eyes said nothing more, but for a moment Donnie thought he saw a brief smile on his leader's face, but he couldn’t determine it with certainty, the latter suddenly switching off the light.

 

"Good night, Donatello."

 

"Good night, Leo,"

 

Despite his state of fatigue, Donnie didn’t fall asleep immediately, fighting against his mind that brought him back to the kiss exchanged earlier with his brother. He clasped his fists convulsively, gripping the sheets. To rethink led to the formation of a hump in his breastplate and it wasn’t as if he could relieve himself manually within four foots of his brother's shell. Similarly, it was wrong to fantasize about his brother. Sleeping on the other hand, without masturbating, hadn’t happened to him for more than two years, when he had met April. This habit was more entrenched than he had thought and his body itched furiously to be delivered from this persistent tension.

 

Leo's calm and measured breathing indicated that he was sleeping peacefully. Of course, Leonardo had no trouble falling asleep. His conscience didn’t torment him and he was dedicated only to the ninjustu, who consumed his life. He couldn’t jerk off on katanas, right? It was the only sensual thing from the leader Donnie had assisted. When, passionately, he took care of the blades of his beloved swords, with a focused expression, while his hands slid along the edge, from top to bottom ...

 

He shuddered ... maybe if he was silent and tried to hold himself as still as possible, Leo wouldn’t wake up ... He continued his mantra, trying to ignore the dry, steady sound coming from the Dojo where Raph was letting off some steam on the dummy.

 

"I'll be really quiet ... If Leo wakes up, I'll just pretend to be asleep ..."

 

Slowly, he tried to convince himself that it was okay to doing so. He still glanced at Leo to make sure he was still sleeping, before turning to his side, thinking that everything would be fine.

 

When his fingers reached the bottom of his breastplate, his painful member was already slipped out of his hiding place. He felt a shiver down his spine when he took his manhood in hand, discovering his already sticky sex by excitement.

 

It seemed to him ... so bad with Leo being just steps away ...

 

But even so ... the pleasure that accumulated in his body was different from everything he had felt before. The presence of the eldest, almost within arm's reach carried him further than he had ever been in the rise of pleasure. Leo's scent didn’t allow him to divert his thoughts from the legitimate owner of the room to April as he had had the brief temptation. It was the first time that the redhead wasn’t the main character of his fantasies and Donnie’s body seemed to approve this change.

 

His mind constantly rehashing the kiss sooner. The heat that emanated from Leo, his soft, possessive hands, the powerful aura he radiated, filled with raw passion. He barely holds back a groan ...

 

The climax was close, delayed by the fact that he was still trying not to wring in pleasure, when suddenly, an unusual noise came to him followed by a litany of swear words as he had never heard.

 

Leo sighed, his voice perfectly clear and slightly mocking, expressing the fact that, since all this time, he wasn’t sleeping at all:

 

"Tomorrow, we'll have to find a new dummy. Raph has just broken his. Maybe at last, could I sleep now, if you stop moving so much.”

 

Mortified, Donnie didn’t answer.

 


	4. Chapter 4

Donnie woke up, startled. Opening his panic-stricken eyes, wondering how urgent it was to wake him up, he realized that the face that had haunted his dreams was leaning over his and was calm and serene, refuting his first thought that they were either being attacked or that Mikey had suffered a concussion again after falling when skateboarding.

“Donnie, wake up! If I get up, you have to!” Leo declared authoritatively, shaking him hard.

The genius realized in consternation that it was 5:35. Donnie was an early bird and would get up at 6:15 without greeting anyone, because no one was awake then and he’d head to his coffee machine. He drank his first cup in the lab, while checking on his projects. Then he had his second cup with Mikey and Raph, who got up at 7 a.m., which was the latest time they could get up according to Splinter’s rules.  And the day then began. He was an early bird certainly, but the sun wasn’t even up…

But it was only 45 minutes earlier than usual. Not enough to make a fuss about, but his sleep had been so troubled that he would have liked to have slept until 7 a.m. Of course the great General Leo wouldn’t allow him, he thought gloomily, taking advantage of the lever of remorse he held vis-à-vis Donatello and that he could use his way against him. He needed to get coffee and to seriously think about a solution. It was surprising with his great intelligence that he hadn’t found one the day before. There had to be a way out of the mess he‘d created and he could find it if he could drink his coffee and have a few moments to think.

Don reasoned, while he sat up in bed and stretched; that getting up earlier meant he could find a solution sooner. He had to get up whether he wanted to or not. If he put in some effort, he’d find a way to get back to his own room for the rest of his life and wouldn’t have to rise at dawn. But that was for later. For the moment, he had to obey his leader.

He watched Leo, naked, retrieving his equipment in the closet. As he sat down to put on his knee guard, Donnie couldn’t take his eyes off of him.

They were all almost all virtually naked, only wearing the necessary protective gear and their distinctive bandannas and they always showered together. So, it wasn’t exceptional seeing Leo naked, but this time, it was just the two of them. Leo’s perfect musculature was emphasized under the dim light of his bedside lamp, as he sat on his bed that wasn’t made up yet and slowly dressed, his movements almost seeming calculated and like a strip-tease. Leo’s face seemed more masculine and his eyes almost bigger and resembling that of an exotic feline without his bandanna.

Leo’s body seemed as accessible as it was desirable, a few steps away from him and his smell, heat and presence were suffocating. If they made love, nobody would disturb them. He’d only have to lie down on Leo’s bed and…

Donnie was reproaching himself for his impure thoughts when Leo said dryly, “It’s useless looking at me as if I were candy. No one is here to see you.”

Without thinking, Donnie blurted, “You are.”

Without saying a word, but rolling his eyes, Leo opened his drawer to find his bandanna and tied it around his head to Donnie’s dismay. The bandanna causing Leo to become “The Fearless Leader” and inaccessible. But upon thinking about it, maybe that was better. Donnie hadn’t liked what he’d been thinking, since he’d begun sharing a room with the jade turtle.

“Where’s your equipment?” Leo said, gazing at him in discontent. “I thought I told you to take everything.”

Donnie sighed tiredly and said that he hadn’t thought about due to all of the madness.

“Anyway,” Donnie concluded with a yawn. “Nobody’s awake yet. Not even Master Splinter and it’s not like Raph and Mikey haven’t seen me naked.”

The blue eyes didn’t blink and Leo said, “I don’t know, because you seemed to look at me, as if you’d seen me naked for the first time.”

Embarrassed, Donnie giggled nervously and said, “I’m a little moody when I get up, especially if I haven’t had my morning coffee yet. Sorry.”

Unimpressed with Don’s lame explanation, Leo stood up and said in a tone that brooked no disobedience, “Hurry up. I’m waiting for you in the Dojo.”

This time, Donnie knew he was in for it. Leo would kick his shell to New Jersey for sure. He’d never been as great as his brother in combat. Nobody was, except Raphael, when he didn’t allow his anger to cloud his actions or when he wasn’t suffering from a hangover. Barely awake and moreover, WITHOUT COFFEE, Donnie had no chance of escaping unscathed.

He tried to protest more politely than he was able to do without his morning holy caffeine, to at least postpone the punishment.  He usually didn’t even say “hello” without having taken at least six sips of his brew and now he had to endure Leo’s wrath; Leo being the most inflexible person he knew.

“Leo, it’s still early,” Don said. “You can give me a lesson in three hours’ time during training. You don’t think I’ll be more punished if you humiliate me in front of our entire family? It can wait. I really need coffee; otherwise you won’t even have fun beating me! I won’t have the strength to pretend to resist.”

“Who said I wanted to beat you," Leo said imperturbably. “We’ll meditate. I always start days with it. It’ll be a good exercise that’ll wake you up more subtly than caffeine would.”

It was Donnie’s turn to roll his eyes. He’d have preferred the fight. That would have at least been brief. There was nothing that Donnie found more boring than meditating. The brothers had long believed that Leo pretended to like it, so he’d be in Splinter’s good books. But, as the years passed, it grew clear that Leo really enjoyed it, as absurd as it sounded, to sit cross-legged on the tatami mat in the lotus position for sometimes over an hour, so that he could empty his mind.

Donnie didn’t understand. Why not be active when he had so much to do? Why not fill his mind with knowledge instead of emptying it?

He realized that Leo shared the least interests with his brothers, only having a mutual love of fighting with Raphael and nothing in common with the two youngest. But he wasn’t a fool, lazy or unsocial. Leo was definitely a mystery and as Donnie followed him to the Dojo, he almost thought he deserved to be a research subject.  He was in charge of several projects, his mind, which was always alert, demanded as many projects and outlets as possible. He had to treat his brother as an anthropological subject, but that would be after the number one priority:

 **Getting out of the mess without too much collateral damage** and especially focussing on what could be saved from his relationship with Leo. He was almost at the point where he didn’t care about others’ opinions, including April’s.

So, as Donnie watched his brother unfold to tatami mats, which gave him a breathtaking view of his buttocks, he felt a strange feeling, as if something was different. He almost choked in astonishment when he realized what made the show so unusual. He’d seen Leo’s tail. It was usually tucked up and they kept it as close to their bodies as possible. The view wasn’t indecent, because the tail wasn’t a sex organ. It wasn’t like his brother had flashed his cock. He often saw Raphael’s tail when he was lifting dumbbells on his back or when he was under his motorbike and making repairs, but he didn’t remember seeing Leo’s before and he felt warm, heat flooding his cheeks. The jade tail was alluring, kind of. He was suddenly tempted to touch it.

He often saw Raph's tail, when he was lifting dumbbells on his back or under his motorcycle to make repairs, but he didn’t remember having seen Leo's before, and he felt warm, in front of this brief glimpse of the intimacy of his brother in blue. The jade tail was pretty, fine end curved. He was suddenly tempted to touch it.

He quickly seated himself on the tatami mat, not wanting Leo to see his obvious confusion. The leader then sat down too.

In the semi-darkness of the room, Leo’s blue eyes seemed to be carved like jewels in the face of a statue of a god, the impression accentuated by the deep look he gave him.

It was fascinating how with one look and without a cry or a reproachful word, Leo could make anyone feel ashamed. While Master Splinter only received lukewarm excuses when Mikey’d done something stupid and lectured him, but Michelangelo burst into real tears when Leo seemed to have reproach in his eyes, without Leo even opening his mouth. Donnie wilted under Leo’s gaze, even though Raphael’s aggressive display and violent threats had only half scared him.

The bastard knew his power, because he smirked and said, “Relax, Donnie. This is our first activity as a future couple together. If you want to properly court me, you must be interested in my hobbies.”

Donnie sighed audibly and said, “Leo…”

The blue eyes were close to the flame of the third candle he’d just lit, their color turning steel.

“You’ll do as I tell you. You owe me that,” Leo said pitilessly to Donnie, whose eyes were seemed brighter, redder than and as harmless as those of a deer caught in the headlights, due to the flames.

Donnie opened his mouth in amazement at the display of authoritarianism. Leo had always been proud of his leadership position, sometimes even taking a visible pleasure in holding some power over them, but he’d never abused it. Until now.

Appearing to regret his harsh words, Leo stretched out his hand and tenderly caressed Donnie’s cheek. Donnie gasped, as he lost himself in Leo’s eyes

“Trust me,” Leo whispered, “We’ll both win this game. Now close your eyes…”

Not wishing to further upset Leo, Donnie kept his eyes closed throughout the 50 minute session. Leo reminded him two or three times to focus and not to think. Donnie tried, but he couldn’t clear his mind. It would normally have been difficult, but it was impossible when he was a prisoner of a complex situation he was trying to escape. But his mind was going around in circles.

He pondered the solution Le had proposed, which was pretending they were deeply in love for a few weeks and then mutually agreeing to separate. Claiming irreconcilable differences between them would be difficult, because they both had a gentler and compromising personality, unlike their brothers. It was always “Do what I want, otherwise I’ll sulk” with Mikey and it was “Do what I want, otherwise I’ll hit you” with Raphael. Leo was gentle and subtle and was always able to get what he wanted, without being threatening or resorting to emotional blackmail. It was enough for him to say “I want” and Donnie, who didn’t get as quickly as his other brothers, immediately obeyed.

Now that he thought about it, it was his own interpretation. If Leo had that much power over Raphael for example, it was presumption. The emotional turtle was constantly challenging Leo, but Donnie thought that Leo always ended up being the winner anyway.

Never mind. Now wasn’t the time to think about Leo as a dictator, but rather to think how to restore things to what they’d been before his stupidity.

There was another way, which was admitting the truth. It could get him out trouble, but Donnie had gone so far that even the truth couldn’t help him now. Leo’s idea was probably the best and perhaps, if he was unhappy after their breakup, April would find him interesting.

Otherwise, if he confessed, she’d see him for what he was: a loser, a liar and selfish. Moreover, it was Splinter and Leo’s will that he continue the love comedy. There was no way out. Even someone as Mikey would notice.

Donnie was so deep in thought that he hadn’t realized Leo had been calling him for some time. Realizing now, he opened his eyes wide; uncomfortable that he’d been surprised in an obvious moment of "non-meditation”.

“The meditation’s over, Donnie, unless you want to continue without me.”

Donnie quickly stood, in a hurry to stretch his long legs and to get his coffee.

To his amazement, Leo stretched out his hand, as if to ask Donnie for help to get up. It wasn’t common for the leader to ask for help, but he was only too happy to be able to satisfy his brother, so he took Leo’s outstretched hand and pulled him to his feet.

The contact, though brief, made Donnie’s heart race, but only lasted for a moment, because Leo quickly let his hand go.

“You deserve your coffee, Donnie. Come on.”

Nobody was in the kitchen and Donnie was grateful. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. He’d inevitably be asked questions about his recent passion for Leo, as well as about the night they’d spent together. Resigning to the fact, he sighed inside. He hadn’t slept much, being tormented with remorse and by Leo’s intoxicating smell that permeated the room. He hadn’t believed his sense of smell was that sensitive to body odor, but it was a fact. The scent had kept him awake almost all night and it had been a miracle that he hadn’t dozed off during the meditation.

Still sleepy, he went to his beloved coffeemaker and began to prepare a carafe of 14 cups.

Leo stretched nonchalantly and said, “As a candidate to be my mate, could you prepare my tea?”

Donnie blinked. Quickly glancing at Leo, he saw that he was serious.  It wasn’t the question of boiling water that made Donnie wonder, but rather the idea that Leo seemed more pleased with the idea of “courting” than he’d admit. He shrugged. He could brew the leaves for his big brother, who was usually helpful himself. He’d never done it before, but if Leo Hamato could produce something edible with two ingredients and a household appliance, without burning the kitchen and the lair to the ground, he could make tea.

“Of course, Leo. You can read the news on my laptop, while I make it. Let me open the laptop for you.”

Leo’s brow furrowed slightly, as if he was surprised at his younger brother's reaction, but he said nothing

While the eldest read the news, Donnie opened the cupboard, where Leo kept his teas and his favorite cup. He was stunned upon seeing the four boxes with different labels, but he focussed and remembered.

Leo had black tea in the mornings when he woke up, because it contained the greatest caffeine. He’d heard Leo tell Mikey that and that it woke him up faster. He opened the pot. The lemon scent of bergamot confirmed that he wasn’t mistaken. It was the tea that Leo had at 6:30 a.m.

Donnie carefully read the instructions on the back of the box and adjusted the kettle temperature, after having measured the water. He took the measuring spoon still used by his big brother and, remembering that he always put two spoonful’s in, he did the same thing by knotting the bag. He waited for the water to boil and once the cup was filled with water, he set the oven timer to 6 minutes.

Before closing the tea box, he noticed the few bluish petals mixed with the black tea and smiling; he extracted some and touched it with his fingertips.  Despite the simplicity of the flower, he found it had great poetic potential. He sniffed it.  It certainly only smelled of tea and bergamot, but it reminded him of his older brother. Then he showed the petal to Leo, who hadn’t understood what Donnie had found so fascinating in his tea container.

Placing the petal right next to Leo's eyes, as if to compare the nuance, he smiled at his blushing brother and said, “The cornflower petals are exactly...”

He was interrupted by a sardonic grunt. “Shit,” Raphael said. “You really have nothing new to say? It’s always the same boring bullshit about his damn eyes. As that’s the only thing to compliment on! Leo’s not a chick, who likes to listen to the same insipid, fucking drivel…”

“We can be male and enjoy compliments,” Leo snapped. “Anyway, it’s only Donnie and my business. Not yours.”

Visibly affected by a hangover and sleepless Raphael swore indistinctly and grumbled; while he opened the fridge to get the ingredients for a protein shake.

Donnie wasn’t impressed by Raphael’s bad temper and after the timer went off, he handed Leo his cup of tea, without adding milk or sugar, which was the way Leo liked it.

It was almost seven and Casey Jones woke up too, having clearly heard from the room where he was sleeping, the shouts of his best friend, Raphael.

Leo sipped his tea and suddenly cried out in pain. Concerned, Donnie believed he’d been burnt and he quickly left his coffee and gestured to help his brother.

Donnie was bewildered by the sudden change in the leader’s expression. His eyes half eyed, his mouth open, moaning and holding neck, Leo looked to be in severe pain. He kneaded his neck, while making small circular movements on it. Donnie had never seen his brother or anyone else in fact, give himself up to such a demonstration of "Go on. Fuck me" and he didn’t understand the reason behind the lascivious display until Leo said with a groan that he had “stiff muscles”, which were caused because he’d badly slept on Donnie’s chest.

The scientist said nothing for a moment. He knew it was an act. He’d slept on the floor five feet away from Leo. If Leo’s neck really bothered him, which he doubted, he wasn’t responsible for it. Moreover, why complain? Leo could usually lose a lot of blood and not say anything. He didn’t need to “maintain their love story” right now. April wasn’t there and neither were Mikey or Master Splinter.

Raphael confidently strode towards Leo, cracking his knuckles and rolling his muscles.

“No wonder, Leo,” Raphael said.  “You’re super tense and knotted. Donnie is made of bones. Let me help. You know I’m good with my hands.”

Donnie was flabbergasted, his hands at his side, thinking. The comment the hothead had made about his physique hadn’t annoyed him. It often happened, but since when did Raphael suggest massaging their brother? He barely agreed with Leo and was amenable when they were in the same room! He knew of course that despite his aggressiveness, Raphael loved them all, but the sudden demonstration of friendliness was peculiar.

But what astounded him even more, was their big brother’s polite, but cold denial.

“Don’t bother. Donnie can massage me, because it was his fault I slept badly and…,” Leo said and seductively tilted his neck to one side, showing his collarbone.

The end of the sentence was suggestive. Donnie wondered if Leo wasn’t overdoing it, but he didn’t object and stood behind his brother to knead his neck and shoulders. Close up, he thought he discerned a purplish round spot, but he didn’t dare to question it. The tension in the kitchen was thick and he didn’t even have the audacity to look around him and just focussed on his task.

Leo groaned softly and sighed in satisfaction and Donnie felt his cheeks redden. He didn’t understand what was going on with his usually stoic brother and the change in him was confusing.

He wasn’t the only one, who thought so, because he suddenly heard the sound of wood cracking and he looked up.

One of Raphael’s sai were embedded in the in the table in front of Leo, who not blinking, calmly continued sipping his tea.

Donnie, perplexed, wondered for a moment what Leo could have done to further anger their unstable brother. He soon realized that it was he, himself, who’d pissed off the temperamental turtle when he saw the electric green eyes staring at him.

“You want war? You have it,” Raphael spat as threateningly as the previous day, but it was even more terrifying, because now that he was sober, he’d thought about every word before he’d said them.

Then he disappeared from whence he’d come, while Casey and Donnie watched dumbfounded. Donnie couldn’t see Leo’s eyes, because he standing behind him, but he knew that even if he could see them, he wouldn’t be able to decipher his gaze.

 

Breakfast was atrocious. First of all, although he did everything he could to shorten his time at the table; Mikey didn’t give up and asked a record number of inappropriate questions in a very short time.

April seemed excited. Her beautiful eyes shone when he said how well he’d slept in his “wonderful mate’s” arms and it warmed his heart. Don naturally remained evasive, as much by honesty as by discretion. Lying so brazenly to their family and inventing facts was repugnant to him. And then there was another reason why his answerers were so vague.

He had no experience.

He of course knew about the birds and the bees and how reproduction happened. He’d given the speech to his brothers. He knew how  screw A went into nut B, but he knew nothing at all about the sensations and the emotions that were attached to the intimate act.

The most he’d ever done was kiss Leo, but he didn’t want to discuss that with his family on a Sunday morning. It was a precious moment for him and he didn’t want to share it, so despite Mikey and April’s pleadings with their puppy dog eyes, most of his comments went like this:

“I’m glad Leo’s giving me a chance and I don’t want to disappoint him.”

It was kind of the truth. Whatever the situation, he never wanted to disappoint his big brother. Feeling like a failure to the leader's eyes was a heavy cross for everyone to bear, but especially for Don, so it was only a half lie and Leo didn’t refute any of his explanations.

Donnie was a little jealous of Leo, because due to his majestic attitude and his position in the family, he couldn’t be questioned. So, to satisfy their curiosity, April and Mikey questioned Don, as if they were the paparazzi.

Donnie was almost looking at his brother in resentment. His smooth, expressionless face gave away nothing and neither did his eyes. That fascinated him. How could Leo remain so calm when Mikey had just asked after other zany questions if they could have babies?

He noticed that Leo’s pupils were looking elsewhere, as if he was looking out for something. Don understood. The leader knowing that nothing Mikey could say would be worthwhile and interesting. He was focussed on something else and seeming like he was waiting for something to arrive.

Neither Splinter nor Raphael was present. He didn’t know which absence worried the leader most. Master’s Splinter’s absence was unusual, but Raphael’s ultra-aggressiveness was annoying. He shivered. He wasn’t exactly afraid of Raphael. He couldn’t hurt him badly. Firstly, because despite his apparent malice, Raphael adored his brothers. Secondly, Raphael respected Master Splinter and especially Leo, too much to commit a reprehensible act. Leo would never forgive him if he hurt Donatello and he was also sensitive about Leonardo's disappointment, despite his rebelliousness.

The worst that could happen to him was a hook that was more powerful than usual, to his jaw during training. Although Raphael was temperamental, he wasn’t usually the designated victim of his violence, because he was always careful, among other things, not to provoke him. He’d been  only target of his mockery, as the episode of the poem had shown him/

He glanced slightly anxiously on time. It was 8:00 AM. The training would begin in thirty minutes’ time and he hadn’t had a moment to himself. He needed to delve into his research and inventions now that he’d given up hope of finding a way out. He finally found an excuse to get up from the table and hurried to his haven, the lab.

His respite was short-lived. So, as he tried to immerse himself in his projects as much as possible, a silent presence infiltrated his lab. He looked up, barely surprised. Only one person moved with such supernatural lightness: Leo.

“Leo!” Don said in a fake cheerful tone, still resentful about him not interfering earlier. “Can I do something for you?”

Leo stepped forward a bit with the nonchalant assurance of a cougar penetrating the antelope's territory, glancing here and there, proprietary. Although the scientist found his condescending attitude unpleasant, he tried to remain calm. Then Leo looked behind him and his expression was one of annoyance.

Donnie turned to find out what might have been displeasing to the young leader. He saw nothing extraordinary: his open computer, his notebook covered with coffee stains, his T-phone on which he’d just installed an update. Nothing that could aggravate his elder.

Leo then pointed to the cause of his dissatisfaction and Donnie finally understood.

His computer’s wall paper.

The picture of April in the background had become as natural to him as his bo in his hands. She beamed and brought comfort and energy to his workplace. The girl even knew about it and didn’t seem to care. Donnie frowned. He understood Leo’s intention and he didn’t like it. It had been more than fifteen hours since the others had started teasing him and he’d begun playing a role he disliked. The unpleasant or simply traumatic episodes (Raphael’s declaration of war) had quickly followed one another and he was fed up. He was docile and peaceful, but he was done being it! He didn’t understand why he had to suffer so much and pay for what had been an impulsive lie; the first in his miserable existence.

“So what, Leo? I’m alone here. Can’t I at least have a little secret garden, where I have the right to fantasize about who I want?” Don said bitterly.

Leo leaned on his desk and folded his arms, but instead of glaring at him, he bowed his head and studied his feet.

“I understand, Don,” he said and sighed. “It’s just that if April wanted to come to you and tell you secrets and if you wanted to pursue the deception, I didn’t want you to get trapped by something that was so easy to change. But if you want, you can also tell her the truth that you’ve always loved her and this has been a sham, because you didn’t want to appear ridiculous in front of her. She’ll no doubt be relieved that she’s always the number one in your heart, Donnie.”

As he uttered the last words, Leo raised his head, his eyes shining with a dark irony. The scientist bit his lip in frustration. Leo had gone for the bullseye, but he refused to surrender so easily. He’d almost never opposed Leo in his life, as much as out of respect and trust, as to avoid time. He knew that he’d eventually bite the bullet, but he wouldn’t give up that up without fighting. Not April. Not the last bastion of his private life, his dreams, his hopes and his fantasies.

He knew that his bossy brother wouldn’t expect him, who was usually the most submissive, to bare his teeth. He had to take advantage of the surprise he could have.

"And you, Leonardo?” he hissed. “What’s your interest in this?”

He saw Leo try to adopt his Captain Ryan Pose to cut him. 

"No, Leo," he continued firmly. Don’t say that  it’s only for me and to save my so-called honor! You said it yourself. We’ll both win! What will you gain from this comedy?”

Blue eyes regarded him seriously and Leo gently answered, “You don’t trust me any longer, Don?”

Leo’s slight smile and his ambivalent attitude made a strange impression on Donnie, giving him reminiscence. Then he burst out laughing.

It wiped the smug smile off of Leo’s face.

Leo frowned, perplexed, and said, “Why are you laughing?”

“Your smile is the best. I’m sure you did it on purpose! You must have practiced for hours to get that result!”

Wrathful and not understanding why Don was chuckling so hard, Leo protested that he’d never “practiced” anything other than ninjitsu.

Tears flowed from Don’s eyes and he couldn’t get the words out of his mouth, so it seemed to him a coincidence too happy to be true. He knew that his outbursts of laughter were a way of relieving his accumulated stress and that the situation didn’t deserve to be such a joke, but laughter was good for him.

"Do you know what I'm going to do, Leo? We’ll compromise! We’re mature turtles, right?”

Always giggling, especially if he was nervous, Donnie made April vanish with a few clicks and replaced it with one of Mona Lisa.

Leo stared at the photo in amazement and Don said, “I removed April’s photo to show that she’s been replaced in my heart. Anyway, having a picture of a friend’s and to look at her often...in some occasion, is not respectful . I have no reason after all, to think things about her and I’m sure she’d be disgusted if she knew. But if we’re in a relationship, have mutual love and everyone knows about it, I don’t see why I have to have your image as a screensaver as well. I’ll just leave the room to hug the original.”

Leo blinked, still not understanding how Mona Lisa was a medium term.

“You smile, Leo. Hundreds of specialists of all kinds have looked into it. They can’t agree on the cause of the enigmatic smile. The Mona Lisa, beyond the centuries, seems to look at us as if she knows something we don’t. We can’t say whether she’s happy or not. Nothing in her face conveys her feelings. She could just as easily have killed a maid that morning or had a man kneeing under her skirts during the pose.” Don paused and then added with a wink, “It reminds me of someone.”

The last comments caused Leo to look at him reproachfully, because he didn’t appreciate being compared to the image, but Donnie didn’t wither under the gaze.

“You must of course know that the Master, who painted the painting, was also called Leonardo. That’s why it’s our medium term. It’s subtle, but every time my eyes land on my screen, I'll think about you,” Donatello finished with a smirk.

The leader regarded him mockingly, walked over to him and placed a finger on his plastron.

“You know what, Donnie? It’s a shame that this is just a farce, because I'm beginning to believe that you have what it takes to seduce me.” Leo paused and then said suggestively, “It’s a pity I don’t really interest you.”

Donnie gulped. The steel eyes boring into his were so close that he could see all of the shades of blue in them. The jade lips were also near.

Donnie unconsciously licked his lips, as his heart pounded. Maybe it was so loud that the other male could hear it.

Hypnotized, he slightly lowered his face to better enjoy the offered kiss. Leo’s eyes seemed full of promise and he’d never noticed how attractive his brother was before. Yes. He’d always known that for a mutant turtle, Leo was much better looking than he was. Slim, toned muscles and thighs, a sparkling smile and Lancelot du Lac's charisma. He had to admit that if one of them could have had a chance with a human, it would have been Leo. But he’d never felt that powerful aura that Leo unleashed; that animal magnetism that almost paralyzed him with dread. He was petrified, but he felt as if an evil puppeteer was pulling the strings, and despite himself, ordering him to move. He had to do something. And right now.

Almost shaking, Donnie raised his hand. Leo had initiated their kiss the day before and the contact had been wonderful. He wanted to feel it again. He was going to caress Leo’s beautiful face and then kiss him. When his hands touched Leo’s cheeks, he hesitated for a moment, trying to read in Leo’s eyes if the caress was welcome and if he also desired to kiss him. He needed to know that Leo consented, so that their relationship wouldn’t further be complicated and so that it wouldn’t increase Leo’s resentment towards him. He hesitated for only a few seconds and…

That was when Leo turned his back on him and said, “It’s 8:30. I’ll wait for you in the Dojo. Raph’s already pissed off, so let’s not make his mood worse by making him wait. He’s dying to release some steam.”

 

With these nonchalant words, Leonardo left the laboratory, leaving Donnie confused.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I try this without beta help. I don't want to overload her. Tell me if there too many English mistakes.
> 
> Song: Foolish games.

After regaining some self-control, Donatello grabbed his bo and left the laboratory. Although he did not particularly appreciate the training, it was out of the question to avoid it. It was not so much that he disdained physical exercise. According to his research, a few hours of moderate-to-intense sports activities on a weekly basis was beneficial to health. The problem is that it was imposed for 3 hours a day, not counting their three weekly patrols. This exhausted him, and he found in all sincerity that this energy expended by him to be at almost as good as his brothers would have been better used otherwise. He was more useful as a doctor, inventor, computer scientist, repairman, and security officer. It was a full-time job he found infinitely more rewarding.

 

He had thought of talking to his eldest, possibly about to take an early retirement as a ninja to be only a technician and scientist. But during Splinter's lifetime, it was still inconceivable. He sighed to this illogicality: instead of creating something for the common good, he had to spend two hours to avoid getting hit. It was an utterly sterile hobby, and Raph and Leo enjoyed it was a concept that went beyond him.

 

Speaking of Raphael, he was more and more apprehensive, as his footsteps brought him nearer to the Dojo, to find himself face to face with him. It only remained for him to hope that Master Splinter didn't make them fight each other in a sparring match. In fact, today he wished to do just individual exercises. He was afraid of being against Leo, suddenly, not trusting his physical reactions in his presence. Since the kiss, his brain no longer seemed to answer for anything. Similarly, he didn't want Leo to have Raph as his opponent.  Angry, Raph could be dangerous. While Leo could stand up to Raph in the Dojo, Donnie couldn't help feeling a concern at the thought of his brother in blue against the red one. He didn't want Leo to be hurt. Fortunately, we were Sunday, the day the Sensei went there more slowly with the training.

 

He realized that April had left the lair without saying goodbye to him and, strangely, it didn't affect him that much. The redhead had never been so far from his thoughts. He had almost kissed his brother and was still scandalized. Yesterday, hadn't he even masturbated on him? Something in him was wrong, and as soon as he had peace, he would do some research in that direction.

 

He arrived last at the Dojo, and his brothers were already kneeling in front of their Sensei. Sighing, he sat next to Mikey.

 

Master Splinter, after having saluted them, immediately broke Donatello's hopes by proclaiming a warm-up, followed by a fight two against two. As if it were obvious, he combined him with Leonardo for all the training.

 

Raphael protested loudly about the formation of the teams, but their Sensei swept away his whining with the back of his hand.

 

Grumbling, Raph got up to start stretching with his designated partner. A little worried, Donnie did the same and stood behind Leonardo to support as his leg was extended against the wall. He didn't dare to touch him, afraid to feel uncomfortable sensations again and pushing him only with the fingertips as if he was fearful of getting burned if the contact was more accentuated.

 

"Donnie, press harder. You don't help me here". The leader ordered, offended.

 

At the other end of the room, Raphael, who had not lost a single piece of the exchange, declared more forcefully than necessary since Michelangelo, whom he pretended to address, was only a few steps away.

 

"Of course, with such a weak partner, Leo can never give his full potential."

 

Donnie pretended not to hear. All his youth, he had avoided answering the taunts of the red turtle. Confronting Raphael was counterproductive. And then, somewhere, he was right, it was useless to deny it. Leonardo was a fighter of a class apart. It was like put against a kitten to a lion that to make them compete on the same tatami. But that didn't affect him. He knew he was an essential asset to their team. Without him, he didn't give chances of survival of his brothers. Raphael would probably be the first to die of gangrene after an infected wound. This thought almost made him smile with irony and immediately drove away any resentment he might have had.

 

While Raphael's insult ran down Donnie's shell like the water, his partner decided to defend him as if he were a helpless child.

 

"The brute force isn't everything. The finesse and body knowledge of the other can lead to more convincing results."

 

Leo's response didn't seem to be addressed directly to Raph and, likewise, it's wasn't particularly aggressive. Donnie found in it a massive innuendo, but he thought that it was probably his mind that played tricks, following the recent events. But no matter, Raphael became irate, no longer even enough control to maintain his facade to address to Mikey

 

"Fuck you, Fearless! I…"

 

"Silence!"

 

The stentor voice of their Sensei made them all shut up.

 

"Now," the old Master continued, "start the fight. Leonardo and Donatello against Raphael and Michelangelo ..."

 

Waiting for the signal to leave, Donnie tightened the grip on his bo. He tried to predict Mikey's blows, still worried that another nunchaku blow would make him lose a tooth. Raphael stared straight at the leader in the eye, breathing with as much restraint as a wild bull preparing to charge. No doubt that the Fearless Leader was going to taste the rage of the emerald turtle. Donnie bit his lips. He didn't know if it was this comedy that went to his head, but he suddenly felt a little more concerned about the well-being of his older brother.

 

The thought of Leo's shedding blood filled him with terror, or even seeing his handsome, polished jade body bruised, irritated him more. Seeing his brothers wounded had never delighted him, but this time his anguish was ... different.

 

"Did I really think that his body was beautiful? I think I need a few hours away from Leonardo. My mind is really corrupted by this masquerade! "

 

Lost in his thoughts, as always, it was his brother's rapid reflexes in blue that saved him from another tooth in less.

 

In a blink of an eye, Leonardo’s katanas were in front of him, making him a rampart of his body against Raph, furious, while Mikey, behind, wore on his face an astonished expression.

 

It wasn't so much that Raph and Leo were fighting, who was worrying. It was a daily occurrence, as predictable as eating pizza. What was different, and even someone as fuzzy as Mikey perceived it, was that Leonardo physically prevented Raphael from hitting him.

 

While their brothers, ignoring the cries of their Sensei, had dropped their weapons to fight more comfortably on the floor, rolling furiously, kicking and punching, Donnie realized that something was wrong. Raph had never tried to attack him. In the same way, this silent hand-to-hand fight was also unusual. Usually, Raphael cursed and hit equally. This verbal restraint indicated that Raphael had something in his heart that he couldn't formulate otherwise than by violence. He had to find out before they all went crazy.

 

He motioned to Mikey and, after nodding his head in understanding, Mikey pounced on Raph to separate him from Leo and contain him.

 

Donnie did the same with Leo, but having to deploy less force. Leonardo, very rarely furious, was easy to calm down. He was bleeding from the lips and Donnie was upset. He knew this reaction was exaggerated, but he couldn't help himself. He tenderly wiped the blood with a towel, and his tongue slipped:

 

"Look what you did to my Leo!" he exclaimed with high emotion, while carefully pressing the cloth against his brother's mouth.

 

Leonardo took Donnie's hand to stop his movement and gently squeezed it into his, his blue eyes shining softly with gratitude as he almost spat out molten metal, so he was angry a moment ago. The 180 degrees was dizzying and filled the scientist's mind with a toxic mist. Fascinated, he gently left his hand in Leo's and let himself drown in the two lagoons of his eyes.

 

"Thank you, my love. It's nothing, the young chef reassured him, putting a light kiss on his hand, now shaking.

 

The velvety voice made him shiver from head to toe. Nobody had called him by a tender nickname, in a soft voice. Nobody had ever kissed his hand. Donnie suddenly discovered in himself an appetite for these things more significant than he had thought. He knew he was a loving turtle, lacking in love and desperately romantic. In theory. But living it in practice was much more intense. What Leonardo offered him might be a pretense, he realized that the game could be much more dangerous than he had initially thought.

 

Leonardo, if he didn't stop now, was going to develop in him an irrepressible desire to live a history of love. His dead-end romance with April was already a substantial disappointment to manage. Having a taste of what he could felt when someone loved him back would do nothing to help him overcome loneliness.

 

If Leo continued to pretend ... for six weeks, Donnie was very, very afraid of what could happen. He didn't even trust his ability to resist six days!

 

Why did his brother have to be so charming? Why didn't he choose Michelangelo? He wouldn't be there!

 

His confusion must have been stamped on his face. He had to get out of here, quickly. But he didn't want to leave Leonardo alone. Not with Raph so riled up.

 

"Sensei, since Raphael doesn't seem to be in a good mood, can I suggest that we suspend the training?" he asked with a new audacity. "I don't want my partner to be more hurt. Raph is obviously angry, and I think he'd better handle his negative emotions alone, where he can't hurt anyone.

 

"I didn't hurt Leo! We are perfectly capable of settling our conflict together without interference from anyone." Raphael spats with anger. "Leo, tell them!"

 

The last words had an almost desperate accent, but Donnie wasn't sure if anything shone back in the limpid eyes of the leader. It has been too fleeting. An ephemeral flash of ...

 

Donnie took Leo by the shoulders and nodded to their Sensei, who had gone out with him. It was when they were both safe in Leo's closest bedroom that they realized they were both shaking. Donnie locked the door.

 

After locking the door, Donnie turned toward his brother.  He felt Leo upset and a surge of protection made him do something to make his leader feel better. Seeing him trembling in his arms, he usually so stoic, stirred in him a visceral need to comfort him, but not in words.

 

Anyway, talking to him was impossible. He suddenly felt eloquence utterly, remembering only the name of his brother who kept ringing in his head. He had to relieve Leonardo physically. It wasn't even a rational thought, and Donnie didn't think about it. His body, like an autopilot, acts alone and his hands, of their own free will, grabbed Leo to bring him closer to his face as his mahogany eyes were fixed on Leo's enticing’s lips. Tasting that mouth again was an obsession, especially with the ambivalent behavior of the jade turtle in the lab. He had never felt such magnetism. Leonardo was strong, reassuring. A solid oak trunk to hang on in the rapids of a river, not to sink. It was a question of survival; his instinct pushed him into the firm arms of his elder.

 

He was at a hair squeezing those tempting lips against his own when a sudden jolt drove him away.

 

"Donnie! No need to pretend when we are alone! And I already told you not to touch me in my room." Leonardo snapped in a low voice, his eyes sparkling with anger.

 

It had the effect of the coldest shower he had felt in his life, leaving him shocked, to the point where he stopped breathing, in front of the reproachful look of the other turtle. He didn't find a single word to justify his behavior, reality striking him like a slap. He only let his arms fall on either side of his body.

 

Leo turned quickly and nervously and began to prepare his necessities for a new meditation session. Donnie was still saying nothing. He knew he must have had the expression of a beaten puppy and he hated himself for it. He was ridiculous, he thought. He knew that his leader felt nothing of the sort towards him. His behavior in the lab was probably only the fruit of his imagination and his attitude in the Dojo was only intended to accredit their fake love' story. He clenched his fists convulsively and lowered his head so that the overflow of tears that was gaining his eyes wouldn't be too visible. Why did he feel so fuzzy? He knew it was just a comedy. They had agreed ... And yet Donatello felt the frustration rise in him.

 

"Why are you playing with my feelings?" he asked with resentment.

 

"Your feelings?"

 

Leo turned with singular vivacity as if the situation reached him even more sensibly than Donatello himself.

 

"Your feelings are for April, right?" he repeated with an aggressiveness entirely out of his character. "I thought it was clear? We determined together that it was better to pretend to save your face, nothing more. We both know that it will end in a few weeks. I ask you to continue playing your role in front of them. Here, you can take the opportunity to drop your act."

 

The vibrating voice of an exacerbated feeling had finally subsided, being no more than a cold command that Leo punctuated with a dry gesture signifying that, for him, the discussion was closed.

 

"So, stop being so convincing!" the scientist shouted, almost desperate.

 

Arms folded, with scrutinizing eyes, Leo questioned:

 

"What is the purpose if I am not convincing? I'm just adjusting my game to yours. You become lyrical even when we are alone, giving me enamored glances. My actions shimmer yours. I understand that you want to "practice" so you don't lose the habit of courting me in public, but you don't need to try physical contact when we are between us."

 

It was only that. He was stupid to be disappointed. He should have known. What seemed to him a "possibility" was only an illusion and it seemed to him even crueler than all the disappointments he had felt with April.

 

Leo wasn't attracted or felt romantic feeling to him. The tender words, the caressing voice, the looks filled with desires and delicious promises had no more consistency than a mirage. It hurt him. Would his existence be punctuated only by amorous disappointments? The pain made him cry:

 

" Tell them the truth!"

 

"Impossible. We each got too much compromised," Leo said, ruthless. My honor is also at stake; I will continue to play this farce to the end. You won’t abandon me when everything is your fault".

 

The threat, underlying Leo's voice, had the cold edge of Leo's katana blade. Leonardo's precious reputation as a noble and pure knight in danger to be stained, he would continue the game on the corpse of Donatello, if that were necessary.

 

Uncluttered, but still stunned, Donnie mumbled:

 

"I let you meditate. I need to be alone."

 

Sitting gracefully in the lotus position, on the tatami, Leo didn't even glance at him, his eyes already closed.

 

" We will meet again later. I need a record of the criminal activities of the last 48 hours. We are patrolling tonight."

 

The voice was equal; the leader doesn't seem even more concerned by the situation, ultimately turned to his only life goal: being a hero.

 

Upset, Donnie left the room.

 

He shut himself up in his lab, thanking heaven for not meeting anyone on his way, his face having to express his dismay. He dropped slowly on his chair with his face in his hands, trying to calm down.

 

His reaction so sharp was futile. He knew all that. His rational mind had been blowing him since last night that he was pinning a situation that didn't deserve it. Leo had been clear. It was just a simulation. But the small irrational part of him had wished, hoped, something else, as stupid as it was.

 

Mechanically, he grabbed the mouse from his computer, revealing at first movement the impassive portrait of Mona Lisa. A deep hatred arises from his bowels at the sight of the masterpiece of Leonardo da Vinci. He found this woman cold and disdainful, her smile cruel and contemptuous. She had looked at the genius of Vinci, without being moved by him, sure that of the two, she had the superiority and that being allowed to paint was a favor she granted him.

 

He made disappear the wallpaper by connecting on YOUTUBE. Like every time he was emotionally wounded, he wanted to listen to music, to cover his tears at the same time, if he had a nervous breakdown, or merely to bathe his soul with great words composed by other broken hearts, more artistically talented than him to express their pain.

 

Before clicking on his usual playlist, he took in his desk drawer his secret comfort that he used in times of intense stress or darkness. Not giving a damn for once as if he were surprised and Leo or Splinter discovers the smell on him, he lit a cigarette, taking a deep breath, releasing gray spirals of smoke in a sigh.

 

As always, he chooses "The Scientist" as the first song. He was still listening to it after another disappointment by April. The slow rhythm, the sad words were in accord with his melancholy mood. But this time, his thoughts were only lingering on his brother in blue and not the young redhead. With bitterness, his eyes in the air, his chin in one hand and the cigarette in the other, he thought of that cold-blooded brother who knew how to become so passionately passionate, completely fooling him.

 

Angry with himself, he mulled over dark thoughts while letting the music soothe his nerves. How could Leo be so cruel? It wasn't like him. How could he so easily play the passionate lover? Since when could his brother put such an erotic power in his eyes? Was it only in his head? Where had his brother learned to kiss like that, as if he were sucking up his soul? Leo was control and moderation. Although he had had a soft spot for Karai, he had never managed to steal a kiss from her and he had never seemed to feel a physical need to do so. If one of his brothers didn't seem to suffer from having to remain chaste all his life, it was Leo. So why was he so good at simulating emotions he had never experienced? How did he know how to make the desire come so quickly? Even his way of moving seemed altered, every movement, look, seemed sensual. Seduction flowed from all his pores and everything that seemed an invitation to slip in his bed. You can't be sexually innocent and know how to use your charms, Donatello wondered. Leo was a spiritual being, nonphysical and yet, to convince their family, he had faked being a fiery lover, with a know-how worthy of the most experienced geishas.

 

He hated to have only questions and not even a beginning of an answer. He could only elaborate hypotheses about the determination shown by Leonardo in this foolish game.

 

Taking the last puff of his cigarette, already finished, he thought of a song he didn't usually listen to, but suddenly appeared appropriate. Absently, as he lit a second cigarette, he tapped the title and let the words define his state of mind:

 

_You're always the mysterious one with_

_Dark eyes and careless hair,_

_You were fashionably sensitive_

_But too cool to care._

_You stood in my doorway, with nothing to say_

_Besides some comment on the weather._

_Well in case you failed to notice,_

_In case you failed to see,_

_This is my heart bleeding before you,_

_This is me down on my knees, and..._

_These foolish games are tearing me apart,_

_And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart._

_You're breaking my heart._

 

 

 

Strangely, it put his rational brain back on track. He didn't have a broken heart. Leo didn't love him, and he didn't love Leo either. There was nothing between them except a fraternal affection. Emotionally fragile, he was carried away by his romantic nature and his lively imagination fueled by years of sexual frustration. Leo wanted to play a dangerous little game with him?  He stubbornly crushed the second cigarette. Leonardo wasn’t the only Hamato to have acting skills.


	6. Chapter 6

He didn't try to confront Leonardo for the rest of the day but didn't try to avoid him, either. In fact, except for Michelangelo, the lair was empty of any presence. The leader had to be either in his room-their room-Donatello mentally corrected or in the Dojo. Donnie didn't go check.  He had to remain natural. In any case, as Leo himself said, their exchanges, without an audience, were irrelevant. He preferred to keep his ammunition for his planned meeting with the leader to prepare their patrol.

 

Lost in thought, drowning as much as possible in his research projects, having smoked cigarette after cigarette, he had skipped lunch. He had prepared himself both intellectually and emotionally for his upcoming confrontation with the leader in blue. He couldn't fail to have a complete record of recent criminal activity in recent days, without the blame of Leo. Leonardo demanded the perfection of them all. Raph was to be a ruthless fighter and him, an efficient genius. He didn't know what their leader expected of Mikey. Only keep them alive by cooking edible food, evidently.

 

He had thought briefly enough to disappoint Leo to find a way to break down his sweet facade. Leonardo couldn't stand incompetence and expected nothing less than a flawless performance from him for years. He had always made a point of not disappointing his eldest and Leo took this for granted.

 

To pretend to be suddenly sloppy would seem suspicious to the leader. He would no doubt guess why Donatello was acting this way and he would reply with a plan of his own. Leo was a formidable strategist, but if each of them began a cold war, their brotherly bond could suffer, and there were limits that Donnie wasn't ready to cross. He wanted to give Leo a lesson, nothing more. If he screwed up their patrol, just to annoy and humiliate him, his big brother would never forgive him.

 

He had therefore noted all the crimes of moderate to serious and had entered a program he had created to find geographical and historical correlations between them.

 

He wasn't very interesting and Leo should stay on his appetite for justice. There was a serial rapist who seemed to be hitting in a relatively limited area. Nothing disgusted their leader more than sexual's crimes. Donnie had long believed that Leonardo's particular repugnance resulted from his chaste personality. From now on, he wasn't sure.

The last rape was the day before, and in this area, it was only the third time in two months. There was no indication he would hit as fast as tonight, but Donnie had nothing else to show up. Leo should be content with this.  The evening wouldn't be a complete waste of time, and then it was the perfect opportunity to start setting his plan in motion.

 

He glanced at his T-phone to check the time and frowned. It was past 5:30 pm Usually, Leo came to see him to discuss their patrol around 16h. This derogation was singular, the Fearless Leader being very punctual. Maybe Leo regretted what had happened earlier or ... he didn't want to endure Donnie's long, heavy gaze anymore? The genius smiled. Leo had no idea he was going to hit him like a train. He felt almost pity for him.

 

He noticed that April had sent him three text messages, but he had no time to lose with his human friend. In any case, she wanted to extract only confidences about his alleged romance with Leonardo. He didn't want to talk about this to anyone except Leo himself. He was suddenly worried about the absence of his elder sibling while, mechanically, he read the last text of the redhead.

 

"Casey wants to know if Raph wants to see the match with him. He didn't answer him. "

 

Panicked, he got up hurriedly. He had forgotten the existence of the hot head. Since he seemed so furious with himself and Leonardo, maybe he was beating him, in the Dojo or in the darkness of a hidden tunnel?

 

On leaving, he saw only Mikey in the living room who looked bored playing a video game of the 80s. Astonished by the heavy silence and the absence of his brother in red, which generally would be there, too, he asked Mikey, strangely oppressed

 

"Mikey, did you see Leo?"

 

"You worry about your boyfriend?" Mikey mocked. "How cute! You should instead worry about me! I'm dying of boredom.  Leo went out only to have some tea and shut himself in his room. Raph passed like a ghost in the kitchen at some point. He didn't even turn around when I called him,"  the youngest grumbled.

 

"He has calmed down? And Leo, how was he?"

 

-Well yeah.Raph was moody and edgy, but it's Raph, you know!. And Leo ... no idea. It's Leo, the ultimate ninja. You never know what the guy thinks or feels. It's a statue ... But I suppose there are times when even the marble warms up ... You must know that better than me,"Mikey completed with a wink.

 

Donnie ordered all the features of his face to remain expressionless. He didn't want to think of the moments when Leo dropped his mask of Fearless Leader to adopt the lascivious one he had seen. He had to keep a cool head.

 

"Thank you, Mikey, I'm going to get it myself," he concluded, walking toward the Dojo, sure to find his two eldest engaged in a fight to the death, despite Mikey's assurance saying that Raphael seemed calm. Nobody knew when the emerald turtle would explode and predict the repercussions of all his anger. Leo was he favorite victim.

 

He was surprised to see the Dojo empty, but also relieved. Leo had to be in his room still wasting time in meditation and Raphael had to sulk in his bedroom.

 

When he reached Leo's room, he suspended his gesture as he knocked on the door. Leo wasn't alone because he heard a voice inside that was not his. Donnie easily recognized the other one:

 

Raphael.

 

"... and that's why Fearless, I know it's bullshit. There's nothing between you and Donnie. You can give up your shitty act now. You're just wasting your time and Donnie's," he growled in a hoarse voice

 

The scientist holds his breath. He hesitated a moment as to what to do. Let Leonardo get away alone? He was curious about his answer to Raphael. He wondered how the hot head of everyone had seen through a trick that had almost deceived him. His brother to the know was not particularly intuitive nor observer. Maybe he judged it wrong?

 

So let Leo handle the legitimate suspicions of the red turtle or come in and "save" the situation? He knew that Raphael would be furious, instinctively. The "romance" of his two brothers made him very uncomfortable. Provoking Raphael was a risky business from which he had always been a long time away. But Donnie was past caution. He wanted to regain points on Leo, and after spending almost the day lamenting in his lab about the coldness of his leader or deconstructing his behavior to the point of going crazy, he wanted him to taste his own bitter medicine. He just wanted to make him aware of the cruelty of his "game," so that, they agreed to put an end quickly to it, to become brothers again.

 

His decision made, he entered, without knocking. After all, it was also "his" room. With a sweet smile on his face, he spoke to his brother in a honeyed voice.

 

" My love? What are you doing? I miss you."

 

Raphael retreated quickly. From what Donnie could promptly see, he was right in front of Leo who sat stiffly on his bed. With pleasure, he saw the noble features of his brother adopt an expression of genuine consternation. Taking Leo by surprise didn't happen three times in a lifetime and Donnie was satisfied with this small but significant victory. He decided to push his advantage and approached with all the vivacity of a lover, he knocked Leonardo back on his bed, nailing him with a kiss, before he could say anything.

 

He put all the strength he could, to at least give this kiss an appearance of passion. He had expected some resistance or passivity. He was astonished to see his brother respond with redoubled ardor, not even hesitating a nanosecond to open his lips to give free passage to his tongue.

 

That was there again: The feeling that his brain was no longer in control, leaving the reins to his body and body submitting to Leo's grip. He stepped quickly before he was consumed by this fire.

 

“Donnie, the leader said, still a little shaken, but Donnie couldn’t determine if this trouble was sincere. But as always, Leo regained control of himself much faster than the scientist would have thought. A charming smile, which Don thought almost carnivorous, replaced the astonished mimicry of the kiss.

 

“You arrive just in time. Raphael and I were going to join you to discuss the patrol. And I missed you too.”

 

The blue eyes turned flirtatious and in a seducing voice, while his finger teased his arm, going up and down the line of his biceps, he made tender reproaches to Donatello.

 

“You stay all day in your lab…”

 

A knot formed in Donnie's stomach as he heard her words. Leonardo's eyes burned with love and he realized that, despite everything, he would have given everything for the jade turtle to be sincere. He had to become immune to his brother's attempts at seduction. He hadn’t come back to this trap. He had come to fight back. But from the first minute, Leo had returned the situation to his advantage showing that even in this, he was the leader in control.

 

He opened his mouth, but Leo, as if to reaffirm his power and annihilate any desire for independence to the brain, captured his lips again for a second kiss.

When Donne responded fully to the kiss, Leo smiling detached his lips, then, covering him with light kisses and to plant a third, still more insistent than the previous ones, on his lips.

 

Leo's greedy mouth went down his jaw to nestle in his collarbone, at the same rate as his hand ran down his breastplate, staying there as if to make sure of his power over Donatello.

 

His will had the consistency of a soup while Leonardo licked the hollow of his neck. He didn’t even twitch when the teeth of his eldest penetrated his olive flesh. On the contrary, he remained immobile, completely paralyzed, while the hand, insistent, caressed the very flagrant bulge in his lower plastron.

 

He thought digressively of the method of hunting of jaguars, predators of turtles in South America, who penetrate the temporal bone of the skull with their tooth, piercing the brain for immediate surrender. Leo was that kind of fearsome predator.

 

He then heard this sound, produced by reptiles, to demonstrate their desire to mate, coming out of his throat. Somewhere, under the lab coat of the scientist, the animal in him had submitted to the dominance of Leonardo.

 

Donnie suddenly remembered, flushed, Raphael's presence. That they could go so far, under the nose of the red turtle, without at least attracting a disgusting remark was incredible. He glanced where the emerald turtle stood earlier.

 

Raphael was no longer there. Leo, having straightened up, since without noticing it, Donnie had let himself lie on the mattress, followed his gaze.

“Hurry up! We leave on patrol in three hours.”

 

The leader's voice was neutral, as he rose from the bed to adjust his equipment having been moved by their burning foreplay in front of a completely reversed Donnie. Without seeming to notice his confusion, while sheathing his katanas, he continued, indifferent:

 

“Excellent initiative you had, entering here, Donatello. You've been behind the door for a long time?” the leader asked nonchalantly.

 

Donnie shook his head. Leo smiled:

 

“Your arrival was perfectly synchronized. Raphael expressed doubts. He won’t have any, now. But remember something, Donnie ...”

 

He reached out to lift the olive turtle which was still panting on the bed, legs apart at an indecent angle.

 

"I'm the master of the game," he said in a low voice.

 

Donnie shuddered. In mental combat as in physical clashes, he wasn’t up to Leonardo. He was going to leave his soul in this.

 

* * *

Hey guys, check this out: the first fanart ever I have received! Werecake love this story and plus this fanart had made a brilliant analysis de Trainwreck (so far) in her last review.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

Heart pounding, mortified at the ease with which Leo had metamorphosed him into an animal in heat, without awareness, in a few caresses. But Donnie could only get up, take back his senses and follow his leader outside the room. For a turtle so enamored, he didn't even wait for him. By the time he reached the bathroom, the leader had slowed, his face stamped with sovereign calm:

 

"Immediately brush your teeth, Donnie. I don't know what a disgusting variety of coffee you drink, but if you want to continue to push your tongue down my throat, you must have impeccable oral hygiene. I thought that you, among all of you, would understand this simple request."

 

Donnie's witty reply was there, on his lips, but he preferred to swallow it. He was sweating with anxiety, and a shower would also be good for him. He needed to rub his skin with blood to erase Leo's touch. The shadow of his caresses seemed to him still too menacing, corroding his flesh and inflaming his blood. He felt physically sick and wholly emptied emotionally. As long as Leo was within earshot, he didn't have enough perspective to think freely, and when he couldn't think, he felt suffocated.

 

Without saying a word, he turned his back on his brother, entered the bathroom and hurried to lock the door behind him.

 

His nerves were flickering when the sound of the shower could cover his sobs. He felt defiled, used and tortured in a way he didn't think he could exist. His executioner was his favorite brother, a model, a hero whom he had always admired and respected since childhood! That made the situation even more confused and painful. He didn't know why Leo was obsessed with this deception, but the fact that his eldest seemed aware of his power and the effects he had on Donatello, proved beyond doubt that he was teasing him on purpose and so, made him suffer the same way.

 

It is this observation that Leonardo deliberately and credibly pressed against his weakness-the lack of love-to punish him for such a trivial crime, which hurt him most. He didn't recognize his eldest, who was a generous and honest person. It's was disturbing.

 

Suddenly he stopped crying and closed the shower. That night, he had heard Leo cry in his room. He didn't know why at that moment, he had been able to alter Leo's even mood to the point of tears. His lie was harmless. Leo knew he had never intended to make fun of him. Its mean one thing: There was a variable he didn't know yet that had caused this upheaval in his brother, usually serene. Leo, like a wounded beast, had replied with his claws. Something much darker was behind all that.

 

Yes. His big brother hid from him elements, and of course since their Sensei knew the depths of his favorite son's soul, whatever he said, Splinter also hid the truth. Donnie had been punished for the fault of someone else. And apparently, neither his father nor Leo cared about the dramatic consequences on the scientist's morale.

 

He looked at himself in the mirror, sadly. Carefully, he touched as if it were the residue of a dream that he didn't want to leave, the purple mark adorning his collarbone. In a flash, he remembered the euphoric sensation he had felt when Leo's teeth had bitten his flesh. The pleasure had pierced him from head to toe, immobilizing him like a needle would have made him an entomological specimen. The need to be possessed had seized him. He wondered if the fact that it was Leo who had been his partner had influenced his reaction. If it had been another of his brothers, would he have felt so much pleasure?

 

Did he feel something real for Leo? And if so, was it recent or from long ago? The questions buzzed in his mind as he tried to introspect to see more clearly.

 

Dozens of images of his life appeared to him, distant memories and more recent ones. He had always felt, he could admit, something indefinable when the eldest was near or addressing him. A vague desire to be appreciated by Leo more than his other brothers or even their father. A particular emotion that made him shiver from the inside when he smiled. Leo had always been a rock, a point of support for him. He had a soothing aura that had still made him run to him for comfort when one of his experiences failed. When Donnie was bothered, he could only open up entirely to his eldest, feeling better understood by him than from the rest of their family. Whenever he could choose, he had always selected the leader as his partner.

 

Not to mention that when he couldn't sleep, young, it was between the blue sheets that he was going to take refuge, feeling an immense well-being while Leo wrapped him in his arms. He remembered those innocent, but frequent, nights. Although he would have denied it at the time, he could recognize it today: he was inventing reasons to curl up against the leader at night. He remembered with nostalgia the feeling of security against the strong plastron of his eldest.

 

It had stopped with the arrival, coincident with their puberty, of April in their life, which had then monopolized all his thoughts. The pretty redhead then relegated to the bottom, the one who had occupied the foreground for him, the first fifteen years of his life. Donnie had thrown himself on April with the energy of despair, his rapacity having her surprised everyone and he could admit it now, himself.

 

He had then deserted the blue room, and he had no more felt this bliss known only between the firm arms of Leonardo.

 

And if he had lied to himself? And what if the girl had only been a distraction, to distract him from the one he already wanted unconsciously but feared to be not worthy of him? If all this time, ashamed and frightened, he had repressed his desire and even his love for his brother, fearing a rejection he couldn't bear?

 

It wasn't just about physical attraction. The genius suddenly remembered the long list of quality that Master Splinter had made him compose. Did the old rat want to make him aware of his feelings? Or demonstrate Leonardo's undisputed superiority over April as a potential partner? The fact was correct. Leonardo had everything to be loved.

 

And he loved him, he realized with anguish, even if Leo was acting with him with the cruelty of a kid roasting insects through a magnifying glass on the sidewalk, for the last 24 hours.

 

He cursed, hating the situation and loathed himself.

 

He had wasted his time and screwed up any chance of a real romance with Leo ... admitting he could have had some.

 

This made him feel stupid, scary, out of control of himself ... every negative emotion that a person could feel, he was experiencing it right now, shaking with shivers of disgust and distress, too busy hating himself to realize that he was cold too, not even having dried up yet.

 

Donnie folded his arms across his chest, feeling his bowels torn. A muffled sob escaped him, and he curled against himself, trying to protect himself from shame and despair.

 

His situation was worse than he had thought when he awoke.

 

He wanted Leonardo, while he knew he couldn't have him. Now less than ever.

 

This desire had always been there, simmering inside him like milk in a pan, about to overflow in you don't watch it carefully. A simple look and his brother had awakened in him this incestuous beast that was sleeping. A simple touch and he had chained the scientist almost at his feet.

 

Donatello had always thought he was more theoretical than physical. But, he had to admit that if Leo had only spoken to him about love, without touching him, he could have resisted this impulse. But his body had recognized in Leo what he was dying to have. A master, who would make him lose the notion of time and managed to get his mind out of all these concerns.

 

Sometimes Donnie wanted to pull on the cable that kept his brain still awake, to rest.  Leo in a simple caress had made plunging it into a sidereal emptiness just defined by tactile nerves that only spread in his body a signal of transcendent pleasure.

 

Why his leader, precisely? His head didn't know exactly, assuming that Leo was only the most lovable but, the rest of his body, in a dark part of himself, yes.

 

He needed something that only the eldest could bring him. Leo could fill that void that had been eating Donnie for years. April, even consenting, couldn't fill this deep hole that he hid behind his works, his projects and his inventions. He needed to be loved and desired and only someone of his kind could bring him to full satisfaction. Leo's fingers, tongue, and lips had awakened all his erogenous side.

 

Only a mutant turtle could know the exact secret combination to melt another mutant turtle.

 

Only an alpha like his brother could recognize in another member of his kind, the desire to surrender entirely in his control.

 

Leonardo had the skill of his namesake artist for carnal pleasures. At a glance, as Da Vinci had captured the ambiguous personality of his model, he had seized the intimate secrets of Donatello. He had seen in him a turtle who accepted his dominion and even claimed it.

 

It was not surprising, though Donnie. As a ninja leader, he had to find the weak link in the armor of everyone, even his own soldiers. He had perceived in Donatello an easy and consenting victim.

 

And there, it was much worse, because, having given him a glimpse of the physical pleasure, of which his imagination had only pictured a pale idea, he wanted to know ... more. His big brother had opened in him an appetite for this panic of senses that he had only briefly known, but of which he was still stunned. He was burning with the desire to let his brother run his hands over his body again ...

 

 

A nauseated pout on his face, he spits the toothpaste, which he had in his mouth for several minutes or hours, he couldn't say. He looked at himself again, peering fiercely, as if to convince himself that his unhealthy and stupid desire was written on his face.

 

He couldn't even look at himself without wanting to throw up or hit himself. To shatter this mirror as he would have wanted to beat his heart, his mind, and his whole body to be so PATHETIC! He had not even reached the bottom of ridicule with April. To love Leonardo was much more suicidal and without issue. Leo would reject him, without doubt, and Don was condemned to live with him daily, until his death.

 

He visualized his brother, whose body was athletic and perfectly proportioned, and whose look, at once mysterious and languorous, made him think of a forbidden odalisque, that one couldn't even fix in the eyes without perishing. His hue of precious stone was so sumptuous that even the ugly thongs and protections of worn leather that made up their costumes were less ugly on Leo. Everything he touched was enhanced in value.

 

Everything except himself.

 

He knew he was dull and he wouldn't consider himself attractive by anyone's standards, human or otherwise. Leonardo could be a mutant too, he had a charisma that his brothers didn't possess.

 

Donatello? Chalky, almost of a sickly green, hands rough and covered with a multitude of scars of scientific experiments. Skinny and too big with brown eyes of an indescribable hue that clashes so horribly with his purple mask. He barely concealed the massive dark circles that came from watching on his computer screen. And of course, no need to dwell on his missing tooth, which made him look like a pitiful clown. It was not surprising that he hadn't caught April's attention for more than a few seconds. No, Leo would never feel something romantic about him.

 

At least, not really. Donnie should be content with suggestive glances and tempting kisses, but all of which remained pretense. And this, for a brief time.

 

So his own feeling didn't matter.

 

Because this feeling would never be reciprocal and he would finish hurt.

 

He couldn't love Leo. He couldn't let him go to this burning desire to open his thighs for the eldest and finally know what it was to make love, out of the text of a book. If he gave himself to his brother, he would also leave him his soul. And no comeback would be possible.

 

He looked at his reflection again, sighing. To hide the bruising of his neck would be futile since their "relationship" was known to all. He won't bear remarks about it without crumbling. The memory of Leo's tongue and teeth filled him with languor. To know that these caresses were acted and that his brother lavished them strategically and would deprive him of it in a few weeks, overwhelmed him. He knew that his brother was going to continue and that he would be too weak to stop him or to fight back, as he had intended. But to hear others raving about this false happiness would be too much. He wasn't happy. He would never be.

 

He had to find a way to root out that "poison" that Leo had infused with that first kiss the night before. He had to arm himself against the lascivious attacks of his big brother. It would be difficult, the leader had on him a stranglehold from which he had just taken brutal awareness. Resisting Leo seemed much more painful and improbable than slowing down his exponential consumption of tobacco.

 

 

The more he thought about it, more than Leo's choice as the recipient of the poem appeared to him, not as the result an unthinking impulse, but as a failure of his subconscious. Part of him had always known. Donnie was in love with his brother. And so that his misery was complete, his body had loved to subjugate himself to the eldest. The half-animal part of his being had recognized the expected master in that proprietary bite that Leo had made him and had demanded to be promptly dominated by the other male.

 

As he slowly mopped the water that was beading on his shoulders, hardly daring to graze the purple ring, he froze for a moment. An idea had just appeared to him. As if to make sure of it, he moved closer to the mirror, looking closely at the impression of the teeth on his skin.

 

He dropped the towel and uttered a silent oath.

 

He had already seen similar marks and these couldn't have come from Leonardo for the excellent reason that he had seen them scattered on the jade-colored collarbone of the blue banded turtle itself.

 

Suddenly, the points began to line up in his mind. Leo had someone. Or at least, had had. He had been disappointed or hurt by this affair, hence his attitude. But who? In the animal kingdom, many species bit their partners' necks. Even humans did it. Only the one who bit was always the dominant one and Donnie couldn't imagine Leo, so proud and so powerful, to submit to anyone.

 

Shit.

 

Yes, there was someone and the genius would have liked to slap himself for not having grasped the evidence before. He couldn't believe it, but it was the only possible avenue. Only Raphael could have the presumption of wanting to dominate the elder.

 

Raph's explosive jealousy, Leo's insistence on caressing Donnie outrageously in front of him, his obstinacy in playing the game, taught him what he needed to know. This piece of the puzzle that eluded him since the beginning of this mess:

 

Leonardo used him as an instrument of revenge.


	8. Chapter 8

He stood clenched for a good while, shaking with rage. Leo blamed him for using it when in fact he was the one using it. Under the pretext of saving Donatello's face, Leonardo only wanted revenge on Raphael. What had the hot head done to him? He had no idea, and it was the least of his worries.

He suffered too much from this revelation.

The kisses, the caresses had nothing to do with him. He was only an instrument in the skillful hands of his brother. A pawn.

For some time now, he knew that April was using him, coaxing him to do her paper for schools. He had learned to accept it, thinking that it was the price to pay to love a human, unattainable. But knowing that Leo was using him too, hurt a lot. His brother was an intrinsic part of his being, built by years of mutual intimacy and respect. This betrayal left him helpless and raw. Vulnerable.

He inhaled deeply, to control the surge of emotions that gripped him, to have enough control of his brain. From these remarks and his knowledge of the character of the protagonists, Donnie could develop a likely scenario.

Raph and Leo had a sexual relationship (s). Raphael, the least romantic turtle in the world, had dominated the leader in bed but had given nothing in return. Neither in the bedroom nor outside. The fact that neither he nor Mikey knew was in itself revealing. Their two elders had continued their arguments with as much intensity as before. Raph had seemed neither more respectful nor more affectionate nor more concerned to the eldest, despite having sex with Leo.

Hence the dark behavior of the leader in blue last weeks. He was probably disappointed. Or even maybe there was something worse between them, that had led to a pretty ugly breakup. However, the wrongs seemed to have been on the side of the Hot Head, given their respective reactions.

He couldn't imagine Raphael and Leonardo together, and yet it was the only theory that held out. His brother in red must have hurt the leader so that he felt the need to take revenge in such a petty manner, using ruthless to the point of using another innocent sibling.

So Raphael used Leo, too, but as an outlet for his sexual frustrations. Hence, no doubt, his anger at the fact that, Donnie occupying Leonardo's room with him, he could no longer satisfy his primary impulses on the elder.

A ferocious feeling of protection seized Donnie. Raphael had wounded Leonardo, the most important person in his universe, and he, as a family doctor, had a duty to heal wounds, whether physical or emotional. He was going to take care of his brother's embittered heart, with a rehabilitation focused on small attentions, sweet words, and innocent caresses, but with tenderness.

He knew that in the process he would hurt himself and he was likely to find himself even more in love with Leonardo at the end. But that didn't matter because Leo would understand that he deserved better than a few thrusts in the dark. And if it could make him feel better compared to what had happened with Raphael, his duty was accomplished.

Even if it meant maybe his brother would end up in someone else's arms, he would do it. Leo's happiness was more important to him than his own.

He had to court grandiloquently in public to satisfy his brother's appetite for revenge and teach Raphael a lesson.

But in private, he had to convince Leonardo that all these attentions in front of the others had their sincerity.

Maybe Raphael would understand and grab the forgiveness and the bed of Leo. The percentage of chance was around 87.3%, according to his estimates.

But also that, perhaps, he would touch the heart of the leader.

It was his only chance for personal happiness if Raph didn't plunge him into a coma for the rest of his life, to have the audacity to invade his turf.

But the game was worth it.

  
Despite feeling cheated and betrayed, he still feels a deep desire for his brother and a consuming hunger for his attention and his caresses. And he hated himself for this weakness. What kind of masochist was he to continue to worship people who were just manipulating him?

 

But the important thing was to determine what he was going to do right now. Because, outside this shelter that was the bathroom, his brothers waited for him to plan their night patrol.

Confront Leonardo and refuse to participate for a moment longer in this comedy of love? The reaction of the leader would be harsh and then, what remained of their friendly relationship?   
Trying to extract confidences to imagine what could have happened between him and Raphael and offered his help in another form? Leonardo must have known that revenge was useless, no?

No. If Leo had not told him anything up to now, he was going to shut up, even more, cornered.

Play the game to please his brother, the knowledge of the real intentions of Leo to be a sufficient obstacle to avoid him falling too deeply in love? And maybe lose his virginity as a bonus? Any caress was good to take, and it's not as if one day he was going to have other opportunities. Nobody ever would ever want to have sex with him. Nor even to kiss him, considering his ugliness.

Although appealing, he couldn't bring himself to adopt this dishonorable attitude. Donnie didn't want sex without real meaning. He wanted more than Leo's body on his own and didn't want to use him as a tool of sexual gratification as maybe Raph did.

All the avenues led him to a wall. He held his head in his hands, uttering a groan of frustration. Although he was racking his brains, he did not see how to get out of this situation without too much damage.

But if…

If he tried to win the heart of his leader? If Raphael had succeeded, maybe he too could? They were both male turtles of the same age.

No, it's absurd he thought, biting his lips. Raphael is all about muscle and attitude. He didn't need to look again at his reflection Raph has a Greek god body and beautiful green eyes. His emerald skin has the wealthiest color after Leo's. He can't compete with that. Apart from the scientific knowledge that Leo has nothing to do, he had nothing to offer, as lover and partner. Even in the team, he wasn't so important. Only a technician.

And yet, suddenly, he remembered the discussion with Splinter. The insistence of his father that Leonardo must be courted and complimented and that nothing physical happens immediately between them.   
Leonardo had probably confessed him something ...

Before turning the corridor, coming out of the bathroom to the kitchen, he distinctly heard:

"... I challenge you to dare to go further, Fearless ..."

It didn't sound like a challenge, but rather a threat, an ultimatum. Donnie sighed inside. Leo rarely retreated from this kind of intimidation. Probably the leader would react in the opposite direction wanted by Raphael. The hot head must have never heard of reverse psychology, he thought, shaking his head, discouraged. Leonardo, challenged, will feel obliged to retort by new attempts on him, to make Raph jealous evermore.

It wasn't that he was complaining about getting Leo's hands, or his mouth, on his body. Donnie wanted to show him that love wasn't only demonstrable by sex. He was ready to wait to prove himself as a partner, as Master Splinter had advised him. He had to make sure to "slow down" the simulated ardor of his brother. The genius didn't feel secure enough to resist Leo's more daring attempts.

He wanted to prove to him that the pure and sincere love he felt had nothing to do with the hot fuckings he had to share with Raph. He was probably not such a fun bed partner, but he would at least make Leo smile.

Waiting to be sure that the leader didn't verbally respond to Raphael's provocation, he entered the kitchen, led by a delicious smell.

"He D! You're right on time. It's ready!" Mikey said with good humor.

"Michelangelo," interrupted the elder, "we must discuss the mission of tonight."

Donatello put a calm hand on the shell of his brother who almost jumped at this unexpected contact.

"Leo We can eat while I tell you what I found, "he suggested softly. There's not too much. It will not be long and I don't think it requires complex planning on your part. Knowing you, you had to skip lunch again. Eat a little and I'll give you my report afterward."

He had not given little nicknames to his brother. To think about it, too much to do in public would devalue his private actions. He preferred to remain measured, but constant. Always present, respectful and dedicated, in public and private, so that Leonardo understands that, perhaps, Donnie was sincere and the right partner for him.

Leo bowed slightly in a nod of silent acquiescence and sat down at the table as Donnie slid down beside him, under Raphael's furious gaze.

He felt braver, Donatello grabbed Leo's hand under the table and pressed it into his.

He felt his brother bristle with surprise, but he did nothing to pull his hand away. The gesture was public, but discreet and couldn't, therefore, be considered as an element used solely to accredit their deception.

He kept his hand in his for at least two minutes, drawing strength from it, but releasing it to eat. To slice his meat, Leonardo needed his left hand and himself, pecking at the left had to use the right. He needed both hands to explain the results of his research on the criminal realm. If he didn't gesticulate, it seemed to him that his words weren't clear enough. 

He therefore briefly explained the history of the neighborhood's sexual crimes, as well as an attempt to kidnap a girl who may have been connected to the rapes, which, although spaced out in time, had always place in the same periphery.

Concentrated on Donnie's explanations, Leo had adopted a pensive expression. His head was no longer a the masquerade, returning naturally to his true passion: fighting crime

"Don, do you think there is a correlation between these events? It seems to me that this is not the same at all,"  the leader questioned with his usual professional tone, his mind far away from their false romance. Donnie decided to model his attitude on that of his young leader.

" I don't know. I can only emphasize that all assaulted people are female and the oldest was 24 years old. That the victims are all of the same gender and age group is revealing. The girl who was almost kidnapped was supposed to serve as a sex toy ..."

Looking up nonchalantly, not having reflected on the meaning his words might have had for Leo, he saw the latter glaring at his immediate younger brother in red. Donnie's heart squeezed, he was right. Regardless of Raphael's real intentions, Leo had felt used. And Don knew that feeling pretty well now to know he wasn't nice. He kept talking, so Leo turned his thoughts to a less painful matter.

"The fact is that the criminal or criminals are quite newbie since the victims have for the most part been more afraid than hurt. I have noted a dozen unexplained disappearances in the Bronx for the last six months, but there is no evidence that these missing girls have crossed the neighborhood. I don't think the criminal will hit tonight, but obviously, if we have to focus our patrol on a specific goal, that's the one I'm proposing," he concluded calmly.

"That's what I like in you, Donnie. You like to focus on one goal, " Leo in a clipped tone. Donatello suspected that the comment didn't really concern him. He was working on several projects head on, so his leader's remark didn't apply to him. He remained silent and only made a slight, cautious smile.

Leonardo summed up the situation by scrutinizing the plan. Raphael interrupted him:

So the area to watch is only from Mount Haven to Port Morris? More particular from the 134th to the 149th, from one river to another?"

"Yes, Raph, that's right," the leader cautiously repeated.

Raph moved closer to the chief's face, leaning toward him, his green eyes shining with a dangerous glare.

"And if I understand correctly," he slowly articulates while wetting his lips, "there is absolutely no enemy having access to advanced technology? No computer to hack or security system to infiltrate? Probably just a cracked guy or two with a knife? Which incidentally will probably not even attack that night ... Is it, Fearless?"

The blue eyes widened slowly, understanding reaching Leo as Raph developed his idea. 

"So useless that Brainiac here present accompanies us. He and the kid can stay warm, while you and I are going to patrol alone."

Raph licked his lips one last time and Donnie in a burst of horror, visualized a tiger in front of an appetizing gazelle, enjoying in advance to devour it. Raph didn't even want to isolate himself with Leonardo to beg for forgiveness. He was considering taking as much of Leo as he could and Donnie would be damned if he would allow this heartless predator to abuse the elder again. Leo had already suffered enough from his behavior, he decided.

He didn't even have time to object that Leo did it for him.

"Raphael. It's out of the question for anyone to stay in the lair. If we allow Mikey to miss it for no good reason, he will not stop harassing us for it to happen again. Moreover, we don't know anything about these criminals. It may be just the tip of an iceberg. And also, we can come across something else, on the way, from the unexpected. Better to have all our strength. Even without technology, Donnie is a great help. He defends himself admirably well with his bo. If we need reinforcements, they won't be able to help us in time if they stayed here. We are all going there, period."

The compliment made Don feel warm. It was not an act. Leo had retorted with sincere warmth, without adding superfluous compliments. He means it. He smiles faded noticing the pissed-off expression of his other sibling.

 Mikey, who thought he'd run away from the patrol, kicked off, pretending he'd have more time to get his giga-mega-super Valentine's Day menu ready for the next day, but the last brother's ulcerated expression was a lot more striking.

Raphael stepped back abruptly from his chair and pushed it very violently, to head for the sink where he went to rinse his plate while mumbling some indistinct curses where Donnie thought he heard "I'm going to shove his bo so deep in the ass that we'll see how he's going to defend himself. " Donnie rolled his eyes. Raph couldn't harm him. Never Leo would let live it down.

Unimpressed by the demonstrating aggressiveness of the red turtle, Leo continued:

"We are all going, but to be more efficient, we are going to divide into two teams. Donnie and I are going ..."

Raphael turned with vivacity:

"Kiss my ass! I don't play babysitter again with knucklehead. Put the genie and him together! The one who thinks of nothing and the one who thinks too much. The perfect B-Team!"

The barking of the turtle with the orange bandana was barely heard.

The leader's eyes went dark and he groaned:

"Everyone on this team is important! I need to know Mikey having a good shield. Anyway, I don't have to give you justification! You'll do what I tell you to do, Raphael. I'm the leader of this team."

The emerald-skinned turtle made a sarcastic laugh

"Good moment to make a power trip, Chief. Your so-called teammate won't be so efficient if it goes badly. Only me who can protect you. You know that!"

"I don't need protection, Raph"  Leonardo replied significantly raising the tone, "especially not yours. Donnie anyway, is able as well as you to defend me, in the very hypothetical case where I would need help."

"Oh yeah? So if he's so good, why don't you put him with your so precious brat? You know how it works, Fearless: You and me in the front and the two other in the back, Raph spat with resentment

A groan was heard on both sides, the two alphas glaring at each other. Sighing, Donnie intervenes.

" Guys, we can go together. Thus, there will be no dispute. As Raph pointed out, the area to be patrolled is reduced and my opinion is..."

"Nobody asked for your opinion," Raphael bellowed, outraged that Donnie interferes.

"Let Donnie alone!" Leo interfered violently, "if you're not happy with my decision, you can stay here. We don't need you."

With more conviction, the leader repeated:

"I don't need you nor your so-called protection."

Raphael narrowed his eyes, a dangerous amber glow in them.

"Oh yeah?" Raph challenged, now three inches from the face of the leader. "So, good evening with your boyfriend. I'm going to Case's place."

Donnie, curious, studied the expression on Leo's face closely. Despite his efforts to remain stoic, he saw a maelstrom of emotions on the magnificent figure. Leo was tearing apart and the sight was too painful to Donnie. So, he sacrificed himself:

"Leo, seriously, I don't think you risk much, if I stay here. I have work to do. You can always bring Mikey with you, if you don't want him to take bad habits of laziness.

Donnie, through this offer, wanted to facilitate Leo's choice, lower the level of aggressiveness deployed by the red bandanna turtle and, by suggesting Mikey presence, ensure a certain defense around his leader.

Mikey whined again:

"Dude! It's not fair. If Donnie stays, I stay. If you don't agree with teams, pick them.

Raphael smiled as a shark:

"It's a great idea, Michelangelo. Let's pick a pebble!".

Leonardo rolled his sapphire eyes:

"It's ridiculous, we can't leave pick the team so randomly."

"And why that so, Fearless? You claimed five minutes ago that everyone was equal, right? So let the hazard chose."

Usually, Leo would have released his leader's card from his sleeve and opposed his veto. He was, after Splinter, the only person with decision-making power and their father left more and more ground to his elder. But, Donnie remarked, Leonardo seemed too raw, too emotionally engaged in the situation to keep a cool head. He turned around and without a word pulled from a drawer, the colored pebbles of the same colors as their respective bandanas, which served them each time a disagreement separated them.

"Raph, I leave you the privilege of being the first to pick. By cons, regardless of the color of the pebble you pick, I don't want to hear any malicious comment or showing your dissatisfaction with the designated partner. Do we have an agreement, "Leo asked firmly, trying to hide an apparent nervousness, the bag closed in his clenched hand.

Serious now, Raphael nodded imperceptibly. Leo contented himself with this subtle consent.

Raphael engulfed his hand without looking into the bag and pulled out a pebble in his closed fist. He opened it slowly in the eyes of all, so that no doubt or dispute could be raised if it were blue.

But it was a lot worse and Donatello couldn't help but shiver in apprehension while swallowing his saliva.

The pebble in the hollow of the emerald hand was purple


	9. What if...A bonus fan art comic by Werecakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if Leo and Don had could go together for the patrol? There no spoiler, because that isn't what would happen. Werecakes have done a wonderful job reimagine it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make sure to had read the new chapter of the day, before: chapter 8. I had published 8-9 in the same time


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With Fanart by Werecakes

Leo protested energetically:

"No, I can't leave you alone with Donnie!"

Raphael smirked and joked:

" Why Don't you trust me enough to leave me with your precious Donatello?"

The face Leo gave him was worth a volume: No, he didn't trust him. Raphael got angry:

"It's my fucking brother too! What are you afraid of? That I push him down a roof?" he questioned, indignantly.

Leonardo lost a little composure in front of this surge of anger.

"Sorry, Raph, I didn't want to offend you. You looked a little mad about my relationship with Donnie, that's all."

Raphael took a 360-degree turn with his emerald pupils to express all he thought of their "romance".

"Yeah, Leo for sure, you're so into Brainiac," Raphael said disdainfully, to show that he knows it wasn't the case. "What happens under your shells, I don't give a fuck."

The rage that agitated Leo was visible even to a blind man. Donnie wondered why Raph had thought it necessary to pour acid on his brother's fresh wounds.

"We leave in two hours," Leonardo replied with coldness. "Be ready."

Raphael immediately withdrew from the kitchen, heavily hammering the floor with his footsteps. Even for Donnie, who knew nothing of their story, it was evident that Raph was hiding his fury and jealousy under a disdainful mask of indifference. On the other hand, he wondered if Leo realized it.

Mikey pulled him from his thoughts:

"Before you leave, Leo, I wanted to ask you something, can April come tomorrow? I'm planning a Valentine's Day mega-party and ..."

Leonardo made a gesture to signify that Valentine's Day, April, and Mikey's meal didn't matter, while Donatello mechanically boiled water for his brother's tea. His mind was tormented. He was almost more afraid of the moment when he would be alone with his brother in blue than with Raphael. Leo's mood for the first time in his life seemed unstable, and the provocations of the hot head did nothing to help.

Leonardo, even more than Raphael, was an extremist. Raphael's disdainful air of disbelief had no doubt inflamed the blood of the blue turtle. Leo's fury wasn't good to see. He became cruel and cold or took insane risks. He looked for Leo's evening tea and began to measure it, too lost in thought to notice the incredulous mask on Mikey's face.

"Geez, D. I didn't think you were so addicted to Leo. It's true that you aren't in love with April anymore. You didn't even react when I said she was coming tomorrow ... and there, you make tea for Leo?

Exasperated, especially since he was worried, Donnie shrugged impatiently.

"April is a human. She never had anything to do with me, and I was stupid not to realize it before. She has Casey, and it's perfect like that. And yes, I made tea for Leo. What is so weird in that?"

Mikey's bright blue eyes widened, then he began to flap his eyes like a butterfly.

"How beautiful," he cried in his falsetto voice. "I hope one day to generate as much love ..."Then the realization hit Mikey hard:

" I'll only have Raph as an option!" Mikey stammered almost horrified" I'd rather you make me a chastity belt, Donnie. The sex with Raph must be enough disturbing and wild! And..."

"That's enough," the leader snapped." You can take those ideas off your head, Michelangelo. It won't happen."

Mikey opened his eyes wide to the fierce denial of the leader.It was rare for Leo to respond so aggressively to his two youngest brothers. It pinched Donatello's heart. Under the ice, Leonardo's heart was still for Raphael. How stupid he was! Leo would never love him!

He out down Leo's mug, sighing, turning quickly to hide his frustration in his lab as usual. Leo took him by the hand, in order to stop him in his flight. Surprised, Donnie lowered his eyes to meet the enigmatic blue eyes of the leader.

"Thank you, Donnie" Leo whispered.

Surprisingly, Leo hadn't made a sweet smile, remaining severe in his thanks. Surely Leo thought that since there was only Mikey with them, it was useless to do a whole circus.

Donnie nodded and tugged lightly on his hand to free himself and think alone in his lab.

Leo tightened his hold, his hand clenched on his, now having the consistency of titanium.

" Wait for me in our room. I'll join you in a moment."

The firm tone precluded any reply and Donnie's stomach aft as much excitement as apprehension. He was as eager as he was to fear this tete-a-tete. Pushed to the limit, Leo became unpredictable, and he had nothing that frightened Donnie anymore. Leo, in his situations, could act like a fox whose burrow is smoked. With desperate measures.

He didn't dare to shy away from a direct order from his leader and went to their room. Once in the room, he looked a little puzzled around him. He dared not sit anywhere, especially not on his brother's bed, and he found himself ashamed to have remained with his arms dangling and to have been surprised in this embarrassing position.

 

 

The leader's resolute blue eyes lost their gemstone hardness in the apparent dismay of Donatello who didn't know where to turn. A feeling that Donnie didn't know if he liked it more, quickly replaced coldness: Pity.

" Donnie, I ... I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have…

The scientist had expected everything but the leader's tears of regret. He hastened to console his brother.

"Leo! Don't worry about that. Everything is my fault…"

With these words, what Donnie meant was:

"If I realized that I loved you before if I had confessed maybe we wouldn't be in this situation. Raph wouldn't have broken your heart, and we wouldn't be forced to play this masquerade which is an insult to the real feelings that I feel for you. "

Leo was going to answer something when loud music coming from the other side of the wall interrupted them. Violent music broke out, probably matching the mood of the owner of the next room.

At a precise moment, Raphael even increased the volume, so that they hear the lyrics of this masterpiece:

 _I want a lot of profanity_  
_With a lot less virginity_  
_It's a boney situation_  
_With a wack explanation_  
_'cause I'm on that mission_  
_A reproductive mission_  
_Now take my clothes off_  
_And show me what you're made of_  
_Excuse me, do you want to screw?_  
_Excuse me, do you want to screw?_  
_cause I'm so amazing in the sack_  
_Yes, I'm so amazing in the sack_

_I'd rather fuck you than kiss you_

The vulgar words undoubtedly had as their objective to slap the leader emotionally, yet sufficiently upset.

Donnie unconsciously put his arms around his body, felt as vulnerable as if he had entered the lions' den. With this last provocation, Leo wouldn't stop in his project, as he seemed to have briefly intended. He turned his eyes, worried, towards his elder, who appeared for a few moments as motionless as a statue of salt. Donnie tightened more, knowing his big brother.

Leo's eyes took their steel reflect as when he was really upset or angry, and in two strides, he was on Donnie, nailing him with a kiss so hot that the scientist, having not taken a preventive breath, almost dies suffocated when Leonardo's tongue rushed into his mouth. With a leg hook Leo knocked him down on the bed, and his shell made a thud as it hit the mattress.

He was on Donatello in an instant, immediately attacking the weak points of the turtle under him, in good strategist, to obtain a complete and immediate surrender. His hand boldly lifted his leg, and with an authoritative movement, he spread his brother's thighs while distracting him by bitting Don's collarbone

Donnie couldn't be sure if he was praying to his brother to stop because his mouth seemed to produce only faint noises when it was free, while the animal part of his being was looking forward to what was going to happen. Leo pulled his erect member from under his cartilage pouch.

While kneading the already hard sex of Donnie, he whispered in a hoarse voice.

" We must outdo all this noise."

The scientist didn't know how the leader did but, while continuing to stimulate all the erogenous points of his body, he managed to put music. A sad but sensual melody immediately filled the room, covering the one from the other side of the wall. In the fog of lust that floated in his mind, he believed recognize"Cry me a river."

Leo's hot breath was in his neck, whispering erotic encouragement, between two licks, a nibble and a kiss, adding to his confusion, but also to his lust.  
Anyway, he trusted Leo, much more when anyone else and even himself. If it made the leader feel better, he had not the slightest criticism to make.

Suddenly, he noticed that Leo's mouth was no longer located in his neck. Like a brand with a hot iron, hot kisses were now at the edge of the plastron and thighs, giving him the most exhilarating thrills of its existence.

He heard the sound of the flesh against the flesh and realized that Leo was giving himself pleasure. To imagine his brother engaged in such an act, at this very moment, in his presence, nearly pushed him to the other side of the razor's edge. Their jerky and synchronized breaths seemed to ignite his excitement even more.

Already stimulated with pleasure, he had not expected the soft, warm sheath of the mouth of Leo who suddenly encircled his member and he uttered a strangled cry, as much of astonishment as pleasure.

The genius didn't know what to do with his hands, so skilled, usually. They remained on each side of his head to convulsively clutch the blue sheet. He felt a very pitiful lover, with the initiatives of a dead starfish, but he felt as powerless to change the situation as if it had been a dream. He didn't dare to touch Leo, for fear of displeasing him or getting him out of his trance and stopping. He didn't want his brother to stop when he was so close, feeling the imminent release of a devastating orgasm. He didn't want Leo to leave when he feels so full and his mind so blank. Having no thoughts, ideas, projects, problems, was pure bliss.

Until then, he hadn't dared to look more closely at Leo. If he looked at him, this erotic image would remain etched in his retina forever, and he could never see Leonardo the same way again. He called himself a coward:

" _It's probably your only opportunity. You can take a look, even for a moment. He won't notice it, and then you will have material to feed your fantasies for a lifetime."_

Taking his courage with both hands, while he felt a wet finger venture into virgin territory, he glanced and regretted it immediately. In a flash, he realized that his life would never be the same again.  
The vision of his brother crossing his eyes, as if he had read in the Donatello's mind, burned him as hot iron.  
Leo's look was so bold while he was browsing Donnie's cock of his tongue. Despite the fact that he instinctively felt it was shameful to climax so quickly when Leo had barely begun.

The rest, he didn't realize it, his head wrapped like cotton, all his limbs numb. He felt a rub against his thigh, heard a groan that, he presumed, meant that Leo had reached orgasm as well. Then their breaths were decelerating.

Donnie decided to close his eyes. He didn't want to see disappointment, regret, disgust, or indifference to the beautiful features of his eldest. Out of instinct, he decided to act as if he was sleeping, to prolong the illusion that perhaps this was true and had been prompted by a real passion, as a lovely dream. Just a few moments of happiness stolen, because all his caresses hadn't been for him, aroused by him. It belonged to Raph and he regretted having bitten into the forbidden fruit. He knew that from now, he would have only that flavor in his mouth, aching to taste it again, when he would be within reach, but forbidden.

Unless he can convince Leo, and he manages to seduce him. Then, he would have other moments like this, whole nights where Leonardo would focus entirely on the scientist only, giving him even more intense pleasures.

Tomorrow, Michelangelo had reminded him, was Valentine's Day. He had to hit hard; it was a perfect opportunity. If he survived his patrol night with Raph. This thought made him twist his lips in a worried grin. Raphael must not have appreciated the song chosen by the leader as a reply. It was still playing and Donnie concluded that he would never be able to hear it without an erection or blush if Leo was in the same room with him.

Leo ... He shivered with pleasure at the memory of his eyes. Leo's pupil was full, leaving only a thin blue ring around. This look, so animal, so greedy, would fuel his erotic dreams of the next 50 years, as he had predicted. He could never see Leo again without wishing to see his lustful look reappear.

That Raph held such a treasure in his hands and lost it, was beyond him. He remained still, eyes closed, a few more moments, then sighed. It was time to accept the slap of reality, whether he likes it or not and Leo's disappointed look.

But, when he opened his eyes, he was alone.


	11. Chapter 11

Having finished scanning the empty room, Donnie's eyes finally settled on him. At the bottom of his breastplate and on his thighs, a whitish film of seed residue was drying, as the only reminder of what had just happened to him. For the moment, if it weren't for that and the song that still sounded, he might have thought he had dreamed.

 

Emptied emotionally, he began by turning off the sound system, then take a big breath. The leaving of Leo, without a word or an affectionate gesture, was eloquent. The leader had nothing to do with Don. Thinking about it, he was almost right. He had a pathetic bedmate. Leo must have felt like doing a blowjob to a corpse. Moreover, a corpse cumming too quickly.

 

He watched with disgust again the traces of dried sperm that smeared the lower part of his body. Ashamed that they remind him of his poor performance and failure to attract Leonardo's attention, he felt nausea twist his stomach. A hot shower was needed, and as soon as possible.

 

Inadvertently, his eyes fell on the digital dial on Leo's bedside table indicating that it was 9:20 pm. Donnie jumped: Leo had asked them to be ready to leave at 9:15 pm. He couldn't afford to be late after probably disappointing Leonardo as much. Don had to be at least good at something, even though it was as insignificant as being punctual. He knew the importance of the patrols for his leader and didn't need Leo being mad at him.

 

As he hurried out of the room, he ran into a muscular chest. A green lightning filter through the holes of a scarlet bandana informed him about the identity of the obstacle in question.

 

"Where is Fearless? Raphael asked, without further preamble, more menacing than any of their enemy. Then, suddenly, his eyes narrowed and changed in an even more awful way, as he began to sniff the scientist carefully.

 

In an instant, Donatello realized: Raph must have felt Leo's scent on him. The genius suddenly smells the sweet, but dense essence he gave off. Nothing in common with the usual smell, tasteless and slightly sweet,  that emanated from him after his jerk-off sessions.  Leo's scent seemed to be wrapped around him like an opaque cloud, probably waving a red flag in front of his irascible sibling.

 

Probably the turtle in blue had only wanted to leave his olfactory mark on Donnie, to ulcerate Raph and it was perhaps the only goal that had driven Leo to stay with him for his orgasm. Without this element of motivation, his partner disgusted with him would have turned his shell immediately to find his pleasure elsewhere.

 

And there, he was alone, managing the wrath of Raphael. Leo has not seen fit to stay to observe the adverse effects of his maneuver.

 

Surprisingly, while he was bracing himself, expecting a punch, Raphael reiterated his question with an underlying anxiety.

 

Donnie felt overwhelmed again by a wave of shame. He had to admit, that he had no idea where was Leonardo, his supposed lover. Leo had only taken him as a tool and, unsatisfied with it, he had abandoned it.

 

"I ... I have no idea, Raph ... I think I fell asleep," he replied in an unsteady voice

 

It was the least humiliating answer he had found, as deplorable as it was.

 

Surprisingly, Raphael seemed to accept the pitiful excuse of his genius brother. The silence stretched between them for a few more moments until the ringing of the T-phone at Raph's obi sounded. Without leaving Donnie's eyes, the turtle with the red bandana answered:

 

"Yeah?"

 

The voice, trailing at first, heated quickly, barely allowing time for the turtle at the end of the line to speak:

 

"Why did you leave without us? Did Fearless is out of his mind? Yeah, Donnie is fine! If he was so concerned about the health of his beloved little genius, he could have waited for us instead of ditched us!"

 

Donatello realized that Raphael's interlocutor was Michelangelo. To know that their leader had asked about him, he felt butterflies in his stomach. Then, he chastised himself Why did he continue fumbling about Leonardo when he had deserted their bedroom without bothering to clean up on Donnie or to talk to him? He shook his head: he was miserably in love, to wriggle his tail at all the leader says.

 

It was his thoughts when the sound of the T-Phone hitting the wall reminded him of reality.

 

"Those fools have left without us," Raph said angrily. "They are outside for more than half an hour! Leo came out way too soon! There are too many people still wandering at this time. Especially the eve of Valentine's Day or pseudo-romantic assholes run for the last minute gift for their chick. He is alone, with just the kid, who has the attention level of a trout! Move your skinny ass, Donnie! Take your damn stick and get on with it, Leo wants us at the port, but we're going to joining them before it goes bad for them, "he commanded without waiting for the slightest reaction.

 

Without saying anything, Don glanced again at his stained breastplate. He didn't dare to draw the attention of the emerald turtle to this detail, not wanting to draw his ire unnecessarily. He would found the opportunity to clean himself, eventually. Neither, although he had more confidence in the abilities of his youngest than their brother in red, he wasn't happy that Leo and Mikey were alone on the surface. Also, a blizzard had been announced and Leo, already with fragile lungs, shouldn't be exposed longer than necessary in the cold. It was 5 degrees outside and for a reptile, even a mutant turtle, without a coat as a thermal insulator, was death.

 

Donnie had suggested the cancellation of any patrol when it was under the freezing point, but Captain Leonardo had refused"Crime doesn't wait for spring," he said or another nonsense of the kind. He then briefly thought of restricting Leo's access to television and comics. They drive Leo to anachronistic and suicidal heroism, according to his opinion. But since their Sensei considered his eldest as something more sacred than the Virgin of Fatima, Donnie hadn't dared to oppose at the reigning hierarchy on their lair.

 

What a coward he was!

 

Absentmindedly, he took his bo and followed Raphael. He wondered why Leo had not called him himself or had asked Mikey to contact him. Donnie could understand that Leonardo wanted to avoid any non-obligatory form of communication with Raphael, but him? He didn't do anything! Apart from doing everything to make his big brother feel loved and desired, by letting him play with him!

 

He hadn't noticed that he had practically stopped moving, before being shaken like a plum tree and lifted from the ground:

 

"I swear to you, Donnie, if you don't move your shell I'm going to hit you so hard that you'll feed yourself with a straw all your life!"

 

Donatello snorted and suddenly got angry, although he knew it was a bad idea

 

"Why do you feel so anxious? You said it yourself, and Leo and I confirmed it! No threat is potentially too dangerous for our brothers to be in danger."

 

"First, genius, there's no "Leo and you" and I'm wiping my ass with your judgment of the level of alertness in which we must find ourselves. Only Leo can give orders and only his opinion matters. And it's natural that I'm concerned, dufus! They are our brothers!"Raphael commented with undisguised contempt and exasperation.

 

"You didn't seem so concerned when you broke Leo's heart," Donnie said sourly.

 

As soon as his words escaped his mouth, he regretted them. He didn't even know anything about what had happened between his brothers. It was only presumptions. But the first moment of remorse passed, he congratulated himself. Confronting Raphael, even if it proved perilous, was an excellent way to know the truth. Raph didn't embarrass himself with lies or subtleties, having nothing to fuck from other moron's opinion, as he said.

 

The change of color on the emerald face was fascinating. Raphael blinked at the same time several times as if he had just received a bag of brick on his head and regained consciousness. Finally, he answered something that Don would never have thought of his brother so impetuous, so much that the reply was childish.

 

"It's not your business," he grumbled,"Hurry up! I have such a terrible feeling."

 

On this explanation, he ran away, leaving Donnie no choice but to follow him.

 

Reaching the surface, the cold, damp wind from the docks made Donnie shudder. He thought of Leonardo again. He agreed with Raphael. The sooner they would join Leo and Mikey, the better it would be for everyone.

 

Raph didn't even bother to look at anything around them. The important thing was that coming from this side; they would give the impression to their leader to have obeyed, although Leo wouldn't be fooled, given the speed of their movement.

 

They had almost reached the point where Leo and Mikey had to be if they relied on their tracking system in their T-phone. The orange dot was getting closer, the absence of a blue dot indicating that the leader had to close his T-phone in anticipation of saving his battery if it hadn't been recently charged. This happened often to Michelangelo, who was waiting to open his T-phone only when needed. It was unusual for their leader who was always well prepared, but not impossible.

 

Naturally, the first one they saw was Mikey and Donnie's caring heart was lighter as their youngest child was protected from the biting cold by a heavy blanket. Leo had taken precautions at least not to freeze on his feet.

 

Surprisingly, the youngest of the siblings don't welcome them by his usual whining on cold, boredom or hunger. Smothered with a massive apprehension at the unusual silence of the orange bandanna turtle, Donnie moved closer and gently shook the turtle motionless under the blanket.

 

Mikey woke up suddenly, with the vivacity of a ninja.

 

"Did you sleep, Mikey? On patrol?"  Donnie asked incredulously. Leo would never have allowed such nonchalance, he told himself. Following his thought, Raphael questioned the turtle just awake, with roughness:

 

"Where's Leo, Mikey?"

 

The turtle rubbed his eyes for a few seconds, then stammered:

 

"I don't know."

 

On the floor, Donnie picked up a T-Phone, oppressed by terrible anguish, which he immediately recognized as that of the eldest. The battery was 98% charged. Leonardo had closed his T-Phone on purpose.

 

 

Raphael shook, cursed and threatened Michelangelo, but he could not draw any more enlightenment.

 

" What the fuck, you don't know? How the hell is possible! You were with him, damn it!" he repeated, in a fury.

 

Mikey whined:

 

"I was with Leo, everything was fine enough, except that I found him a little ... weird. But it's Leo, huh? You never know what he's thinking,"  the youngest tried to defend himself

 

"Maybe it's because you don't think," Raphael spat. "What was unusual to him?"

 

" Leo had brought a blanket. It's not his style, so much to think of our comfort. I mean, he thinks of us, but you know, for him, the patrols, it's the hard way it's done. Not bundled up. He put me under it as soon as I finished talking to you. I admit that I was frozen, so I didn't protest. I thought Leo might be made with softer steel than we thought and was finally paying attention to his health. Just the fact that he's asking me to call you, I mean it was strange too, right? He told me he had to focus on watching the scene. As soon as I slipped under the blanket, after calling you, Leo approached and then, well, I don't remember,  Mikey finished, pitifully.

 

Devastated, his arms hanging back, dangling, on each side of his body, Raph repeated:

 

"You don't remember..."

 

He and Donnie exchanged a brief glance, weighing the possibilities.

 

"You think someone punched Mikey and kidnapped Leo?" Raph questioned, with agitation.

 

The scientist thought for a moment, a finger under the chin, watching the scene and gathering the few clues he had. He finally shakes his head.

 

"No. It was premeditated. He deliberately closed his T-Phone," he explained while waving the device in front of Raph, "so we couldn't track him. He had no other reason to do it. But Leo, before leaving, made sure Mikey wouldn't be cold. As he himself has noticed, it is not the kind of Leo to be burdened with a blanket of wool, on patrol. He knew he would leave, even before fleeing the lair, but he wanted to make sure that Mike wouldn't die frozen, by the time we arrived," Donnie reasoned. "I know our brother. He is insightful and cautious when it comes to others. He knew you'd be in a hurry to join him and that by the time we found Mikey, there wouldn't be enough time to put his life in jeopardy. So, everything tends to prove that Leonardo ran away." Donnie concluded regretfully.

 

"Runaway, Fearless? Impossible! He is far too responsible! And why would he have brought Mikey to start, if he intended to flee? Why bother with a goofball? Leo could have leave faster!"Raphael reasoned.

 

Mikey shook his head.

 

"No. I believe that D.'s theory is the right one. Leo was about to leave when I found him. He denied, but now I see it's true. He was with all his equipment close to the exit. I decided to accompany him. I thought if we leave earlier, we'll be back sooner ... there was a movie I wanted to see at midnight," he explained miserably. "So I said I was leaving with him. And that's when he took the wool blanket".

 

"And how could he have known that you were going to sleep?" Raph objected, not wanting to be convinced.

 

"Pressure points, Raph," Don explained, holding his head. "Leo is an expert. He thus neutralized Mikey, without hurting him. He must have thought of this option as soon as Mikey caught him. Leo is quick-witted."

 

Raphael tried to deny for several more minutes, arguing that it was not Leonardo's, but Donnie shook his head, fading their last hopes, refuting each of his arguments.

 

Consternation gave way to rage in Raph.

 

"What did you do to him, Donnie? Fearless was fine, and there, he leaves his room and he is so upset, that he decides to abandon us! What happened between you two? I want to know everything, "the emerald turtle ordered, folding his arms, his eyes burning with rage.

 

Donatello felt a vein beating his temple. Raphael dared to reproach him when, to begin with, he was responsible for Leonardo's sadness. He did nothing but lie on his back! Although he was a weak sexual partner, he hadn't given any reason to flee to their leader; he convinced himself while tears were beading in his eyelids.

 

"You try to blame me for what I'm not responsible for. Leo wasn't fine before ... all that! It is you who put it in this state, and you know it very well. Don't try to project your feelings of guilt on me!" Donnie snapped.

 

Mikey went between the two, to prevent them from coming to blows.

 

"Guys! Why blaming each other and argue instead of looking for Leo? I propose that we separate and that one of us go to the lair to see if Leo wouldn't have left a word of explanation or a clue on his destination.  There are not a thousand places where a green mutant can go! And then, Leo wouldn't have left without saying goodbye. He had to leave a letter somewhere, well in plain view. You probably just left too quickly to see it. And then, there is Master Splinter. Impossible that Leo left without saying anything to him, right? Should question him. Meanwhile, one of us could go to April's house to get her up to date and check if she doesn't know anything, too. Leo, without his help, can't survive long in the outside world. The third would be able to search on the surface if Leo didn't leave footprints in the snow. He is a formidable ninja, but not a supernatural being. It must have remained, somewhere, a trace of his passage," he concludes with aplomb.

 

Donnie and Raph looked at each other, ashamed. Donnie was the first to look down.

 

"You are right, Michelangelo. This is not the time to argue when Leo needs us, he said firmly. "Your idea is excellent. You'll go home and turn it upside down, as you do so well. Raph, you can go to April and me..."

 

Raphael shook his head fiercely.

 

"I prefer to do something more active. I'll get it on the surface. I'm uh ... the one who knows Leo the best."

 

Donnie nodded. He did n't care about their role as long as they worked together to find the elder.

 

"Okay," he yielded without hesitation. "If one of you finds a clue, even the most insignificant, or better, Leonardo himself, he must call the other two in 3-ways call, so that we know as quickly as possible what to expect and be more efficient."

 

Mikey and Raph each nodded and everyone left in opposite directions.

 

Donnie ran at full speed. The ambient cold was still worrying him. Indeed, the movement kept him warm, but it wasn't for him that he concerned, but for Leonardo. What had he gone through the head of their leader to run away, abandoning everything behind him?

 

Moreover, this impulse was unusual on the part of their eldest. Every decision of their leader was well thought out. On the other hand, Donnie had to admit that this time, Leo hadn't had to weigh his decision so long. It must have happened after their intimate moment. He didn't see why Leo would have left him a blowjob as a last souvenir.

 He had decided his departure after. Raph was right. Donnie had something to do with this harsh decision. Did he had been so disgusting?

 

He despised himself with such force that he thought he broke the glass in April's bedroom window by banging.

 

The red-haired girl hadn't yet opened, that his T-Phone vibrated. He nearly dropped it, two floors down in his nervousness. He answered hastily, ignoring April who had just opened the window.

 

"Yes, Mikey? Did you find something?"

 

"I can't believe it, D. Leo ... Leo ...,"  the youngest was chocking in tears so much that he couldn't finish his sentence.

 

"What? What about Leo? Will you talk, damn it? Donatello snapped, agonizing.

 

-I think ... Leo committed suicide,"Michelangelo finishes in a last heartbreaking sob.


	12. Chapter 12

"Suicide? What are you talking about Mikey? "Donnie yelled, utterly hysterical on the phone. "Leo can't have committed suicide, what makes you believe such absurdity?"

He tried to stay logical. If panic prevailed, he was done.  Mikey must have been wrong, inevitably. The youngest had an extreme tendency to exaggeration. How many times did the genius in alarm had leave everything,  to run to the cries of the youngest for only a scratch?

Answer: More often than there were decimals to the number pi.

The sobs sounded again, Mikey unable to speak. Donnie didn't wait for his younger brother to calm down, and without a word or a glance at his human friend, he turned back, still struggling to calm himself and Mikey.

He failed miserably for this double purpose. Barely managing his nerves, he couldn't communicate a semblance of coolness to Michelangelo. Only Leonardo had the ability to remain stoic and efficient during trials. And Leo, if he believed Mikey ...

"No, don't think about that. It's impossible. Mikey wanders » Don told himself.

"Have you called Raph on a conference call? I don't hear him!"

This silence worried him. He suddenly needed the sudden rationality of the turtle in red. Raphael usually could bully Mikey to babble. He never thought one day to call his immediate elder for emotional support.

"No ...  I forgot ... Raph ...." Mikey continued a series of syllables, interspersed with tears, so incoherent that Donnie thought he no longer had the strength to run, and feel on his knees to scream his distress in the night.

"Breathe Donnie, breathe," he chanted himself like a mantra.

"Listen, no need to alarm Raphael for anything. If this is only a misunderstanding, as I suppose, he will be furious. Calm down, "Donnie admonished as he breathed so jerky that he could only hope that Mikey in his panic didn't notice. You must tell me everything you know, "he explained as gently as he could. "I'm on the way back home. If you think Leo's life is in danger, you have to tell me all the information available. So, we can help him, if he needs it, do you understand Mikey? Is Master Splinter with you? Is he aware?"

Donatello couldn’t understand how his voice could be nearly even when he ran out of breath. The important thing was to give an illusion of control over the situation.

 

"No. He's already sleeping. I wake him up?" Mikey whined.

"Inspire. Expired. Leo has already shown you these breathing exercises. Remember these tips. " Donnie tough.

Was it a good time to think of the blue bandana leader and hang on to his reassuring image? Not really. He tried to keep trying to lure Mikey about the urgency of the situation and make him talk.

 

"Useless for the moment, I have the situation in hand," he replied. "Tell me everything from the beginning, Mikey. I'm listening to you."

"I got in the kitchen, and on the table, there were three envelopes with the colors of our bandanas," Mikey explained, also hysterical. "I only opened the orange, I swear! Even if it was the one that seemed the least thick. Leo wrote that ..."

There was a timeout. Donnie was overwhelmed by panic, unable to maintain his controlled facade longer.

" Would you finish! You don't see that this suspense is killing me! I swear, I'm 5 minutes from the lair, and I'm going to kick your shell, but so hard, you'll find your ass in the sand in Miami!" he cried through the T-phone, blinded entirely by panic.

It wasn't in Donatello's habit to curse, but at the moment, politeness and moderation were terms that would have been hard to find in his vocabulary.

In a mechanical voice, Mikey spoke:

"You know what, Donnie? I was wrong. Leo is right in front of me ... I was wrong," he always repeated in a weak voice.

"Are you kidding me, Mikey?" the scientist sounded outraged. "You know we can't joke about things like that! Tell me what Leo's message was!"

"Nothing important, Donnie. I have ..."

His voice was muffled, and Mikey finally finished his sentence.

"Leo says that I misinterpreted because I have ... a fertile imagination due to over-consumption of comics and television," Michelangelo finishes miserably.

Donnie, almost arrived, stopped dead on his track. He knew his little brother as the back of his hand and knew how to recognize when the latter wasn't sincere. Mikey had often stolen his share of pizza or broke a beaker in his lab, pretending not to be the culprit, to be sure about it. The youngest was lying. He had a point to clarify immediately because otherwise, the madness was overwhelming in in an instant. He couldn't stand all that stress longer.

"Mikey? Is Leo being really with you?" he insisted. "If so, I want to talk to him. Now," he added, with authority.

Mikey had to cover his T-phone because Donnie didn't hear anything. After letting him bite his nails, a voice answered him.

"Yes, Donatello?"

It was the leader, who seemed as calm and detached as if he were returning from a short walk in the park or play tennis at the country club.

He nearly swallowed his tongue so much that he was choking on both relief and indignation.

 

"Hamato Leonardo. When I go to see you ... I ... I don't know what I'm going to do to you. I'm going to hit you, that's for sure," he stammered, too upset. "You're very lucky that Mikey called me and not Raph because ..."

"You were right. I patrolled thoroughly. There was nothing at all", Leo continued as if the scientist had said nothing. You can go home. Unless you prefer to go at April's?

Donnie had so little human in his mind, still too scared, that it took him a moment to even remember who April was. Incredulous, he replied:

"No, Leo, don't think you would evade your punishment for having disturbed me so much. And then, I'm going to shake you so hard, that you'll find the punch on the face more bearable, "he continued, sobbing. His brother might be as sensitive as an iceberg right now; he couldn't hold back his tears.

"I'm coming," he finished. "Don't forget to warn Raph, he's worried too."

He cut off the communication, and as soon as he descended into the sewers, he allowed himself to have his nervous meltdown. He didn't know what had happened. But what he knew was that Raph, after the fright of Leo's fugue, was probably going to beg a pardon from his Fearless Leader. Don didn't care. Although he was in love with Leonardo, his happiness at knowing his brother alive and at home, surpassed his feeling of rivalry. If Raph could make Leo happy, he was fine with it.

At the moment, he was sincere when thinking so.

The vision still blurred by tears, he went home. When Donnie finally arrived at the lair, there was no one at first sight. But, from the entrance, he could well see puddles of water. Mikey, in his haste, must have fallen into the gutter, he thought, narrowing his eyes.

The absence of his brothers made his heart pound. He needed to see a three-dimensional Leonardo as quickly as possible. He was also eager to see his youngest and talk to him privately. He had thought all the way back to the answers of Mikey. The more he thought about the situation, the more he was convinced that his first impression was the right one.

Mikey was hiding something, but not of his own free will. The leader had ordered it, and his little brother didn't have the guts to oppose. Mikey knew a secret and made him tell about it would be difficult. Michelangelo, despite his marked tendency to disobedience, would not be willingly disloyal to their big brother, if Leo had commanded him to deny it.

But Donnie could play Michelangelo more easily than a violin. Mikey, air-headed, voluble and with several recognized weaknesses, would drop here and there some bits of information, that would allow him to reconstruct the puzzle.

But that would be later. For the moment, his whole being was focused on one goal.

Break his bo on Leo's shell.

If Leo was there. He was almost afraid of having heard the wrong thing sooner, and the person on the T-phone wasn't his eldest. Was it even Mikey who had lost his mind because of stress, and then imitated the leader's voice? Was it a machination of their enemy? He had maintained these doubts all the way to the lair.

 

He entered the kitchen and remained paralyzed.

Leonardo, the real one, the only one, was seated in front of a steaming cup. His face, as he often did when he wanted to hide his feelings, expressed absolutely nothing.

But Donatello thought it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his life.

Digesting the wonder of seeing Leo alive and looking healthy, froze him for several more moments. He took the opportunity to glance around Leo, to make sure that it wasn't a hallucination of his mind and that his youngest saw him too.

Mikey, standing behind Leo, didn't look so good. He seemed to have seen a ghost.

No trace of envelopes on the table.

The herbal smell of chamomile wasn't deceiving. Leonardo was sitting in their kitchen and drank herbal tea.

Leo was alive.

Despite his promise of physical abuse, he couldn't keep up. He threw himself on the turtle's neck in blue and flooded it with tears of relief. Leonardo remained stiff in his arms, but that didn't matter.

Leo was alive.

After a moment, Leonardo untied Donnie's fingers, marking his jade-colored flesh.

"You can let me go," the leader gently asked, "you hurt me."

"I should do you a lot worse," the scientist sobbed again. "I promise to hit you as soon as I take over my emotions."

Leonardo pushed him back a little and scanned the turtle with the purple bandanna.

"I don't understand what puts you in this state, Don. You don't have to experience such intense pain. It was nothing."

"What are you talking about, Leo? You left!" the scientist, replied outraged. "You have masterminded to leave, to abandon us! Of course, I was deadly worried. Then Mikey tells me that you plan to kill yourself!"

At these last words, Donnie, in spite of his emotional distress, cast a keen eye on the leader. There was hardly a shudder on the beautiful face before it twisted into a false smile. The kind of grin that Don was afraid of seeing there.

" Mikey is delusional. Donnie, I went to get a present for you. It's Valentine's Day tomorrow. Do you remember?"

Leo's voice was creamy and rich, wrapping like a cappuccino foam, But Donnie wouldn't let himself be caught by the fake sweetness. He was going to tear the truth from Leonardo.

 

The scientist folded his arms.

"Leo, you won't make me believe that you left Mikey and your T-phone out for a Valentine's Day gift. It's impossible. Don't take me for a fool."

"I didn't want Mikey to spoil my surprise or follow me," the leader commented carelessly.

"You’re lying! You're not irresponsible enough to leave Mikey ..."

"Are you accusing me of lying?" the leader interrupted indignantly

"Yes! I did!"  Donnie continued, now mad he heard such a bullshit from the so-called respectable leader. He heard Mikey swallowing. Nobody accused the leader of something so dishonorable. Never. But Donatello won't let himself be dominated this time by the noble stature and the firm voice.  He straightened up and glared at the eldest with boldness. Leo frowned, not having expected such daring behavior on his quiet sibling

"Son of a bitch!"

The roar drew them from their staring contest, and the emerald fist fell on the jade jaw.

Raphael turned, his green eyes brighter than the fires of hell.

Leaving some of his anger on Leo, the turtle in red turned to the rest of his siblings. Donne had often seen Raph enraged. It was a biweekly show, in the quietest weeks. But nothing had prepared him for this outburst of fury.

"Nobody thought about to warn me? Did nobody think of answering his T-Phone? For those who had it," he specified his heavy look of reproach on the leader.

Leo shrugged while kneading his bruised jaw.

"You made a big deal of nothing! There was no need to get upset for so little," the young chef firmly stated.

"Oh yeah? And where were you, Mr. Fearless Leader, so responsible, who leaves without explanation and let's freeze the ass of his brothers looking for him?"

"I had gone to get a Valentine's Day gift, Leo replied, serene and Don wanted to hit him. Raph wasn't going to calm down after hearing such nonsense.

Raph proceeded with the new information. He was so shocked that it took him a few seconds to move the lips.

"For whom," he asked, his voice only being a gurgling sound.

"For Donnie," said Leo coolly, as if it were self-evident.

"Fuck you, Fearless. I don't believe your bullshit. You wouldn't dare to leave everything only to piss me off looking for a fake gift to Brainiac." Raph shouted in anger to be treated as a dumbass.

Leo rolled his eyes.

"If you say so, Raph. Donnie's present is in the sink, drying."

 

Leo, seeing that no one was moving or talking, continued calmly:

"I'm going to bed. I am tired. I believe, Donnie, that you should try to find a temporal regularity in the attempts of rapes, to foresee a possible date of recidivism, to avoid unnecessary patrols. You can do that tonight."

Donnie didn't misunderstand the meaning hidden under the order.

"I want you to sleep in the lab tonight. " was what Leo wanted to says.

Although Leo came to try to make them swallow that he had abandoned them to get a romantic present for Donnie, the leader didn't want his presence in his bedroom.

Something was wrong.

He went to the sink without saying a word and looked down into it.

His heart stopped.

Raphael came to stand next to him while Mikey, who had probably seen, remained motionless.

"Where did you find that? Raph asked, puzzled. "In an Asian store?"

"Yes, that's exactly it, » Leo said, a heartbeat too late.

Donnie says nothing to point out the absurdity stated by Leonardo.

He touched the creature. It had just died. The flesh was elastic and didn't smell. Leo couldn't say he had found it in a shop or even on the beach. Not in February.

Not with the traces of water he had followed from the entrance to the kitchen.

This starfish had just been fished, and at this time of the year, it was 100 meters deep underwater.

Leo knew nothing about marine biology. He even had to ignore the presence of starfish in the surrounding streams. And above all, he couldn't guess that he could have violets. Moreover, the scientist had never expressed a desire to observe or possess one. It couldn't be a thoughtful idea.

This fortunate discovery was only the result of chance.

Only one possibility: Leo had plunged into the water for a different purpose.

A goal explained in three letters.

His eyes landed in the second bowl of the sink.

A pile of ashes.

No doubt all that remained of Leo's secret.

He felt Mikey's breathing panic.


	13. Chapter 13

Donatello was no a fool, no matter whatever Raph said. He didn't oppose the order of his leader and stride to lock himself in his lab, holding in his hands the purple starfish.

Once the door closed and now sure not to be disturbed, he dropped heavily on his chair, holding his forehead, returning the star as if to seek answers.

The evening had been so intensely distressing that the stress hadn't yet entirely left him. On the other hand, an exponential migraine was announced.

He swallowed two aspirins dry and then frantically opened his drawer to pull out his pack of cigarettes. There remained only two. He had to think of stocking up again, with all the anxiety that the leader had put him into.

He lit a cigarette and exhaled the first puff nervously.

He replayed the thread of events again. He wanted to erase the doubt that was gnawing at him and yet ... he knew it was the only explanation.

Hoping to be mistaken, he threw on paper the known elements. He had to try to rationalize all that. It was his defense mechanism. But his pen couldn't put anything on the paper while his feverish mind went in all directions.

"Be efficient. You can calm down. Leo is well in his room. Start from the beginning and try to forget nothing. Look at everything with hindsight. Don't let your emotions blind you. "

He exhaled the second puff.

Leo was leaving on the sly. Mikey, surprising Leo, had asked to accompany him, hoping to return sooner, if he left earlier. Leo couldn't refuse the presence of his patrol partner and bring a blanket.

First implausibility.

Leonardo, if he had intended to look for a gift for Donnie, wouldn't have hidden it from Michelangelo. The youngest, a well-known party dude, would have been put in the confidence. Leo had nothing to hide, and although the nature of the surprise was astonishing, it didn't justify the secret.

To avoid suspicion or questions, Leo had accepted, but knowing that he would give up Mikey, hence the blanket.

The call Raph had received had nothing to do with the patrol. Leonardo only wanted to make sure that Mikey was found before falling ill from the cold since he had to put him to sleep.

Leo had no reason to want to be alone. Except if he didn't want to be prevented from doing something. His motivation must be immense to put their youngest in danger.

 

If Mikey hadn't accompanied their leader, something told him that Leo might not have come back. It must have been bothering the elder, despite the blanket. After so many premeditations, only guilt could have brought back the leader, who seemed determined to carry out his project.

Leo was the worst of the mother's hen. Nothing could bend his steel, except a threat to one of his brothers.

He must have feared that Donnie and Raph were patrolling, or that the latter, arguing, had separated, or that Mikey had woken up and wandered alone, or that enemies found him and abused of his sleep. Leo, tormented by remorse, had come back.

But after being dipped in the Hudson River or the East River. And for being so deep in the water and finding a starfish, there was only one possibility.

Leo had jumped from an elevated and illuminated surface.

Like a bridge.

Leo had jumped from a bridge to bring back a starfish. Donnie would have bet his last cigarette, a starfish which Leo didn't know the existence. He was convinced that if the day before, he had questioned Leonardo about what constituted marine life in the New York rivers, the leader would have answered only fish.

The leader hadn't dived for bringing back Valentine's present.

Not for a gift Donnie didn't need or express any interest in.

Leo wouldn't have risked his life either to offer a Valentine present to his fake partner.

The starfish was a pretext. No doubt inspired by its color.

Leo, after diving, had changed his plans and reported the star as an alibi, as pitiful this alibi was. He must have gone back to where Mikey was, and finally, he decided to go back, not finding him.

But why?

The answer was written in their messages.

Mikey hadn't panicked in vain. Leo had arrived, silently, as usual, and had surprised their youngest child, hysterical. The leader had decided to hide his real plans, but Mikey, having read his letter, knew them. Leo had asked Mikey to keep this secret. A very heavy secret, which seemed to consume the youngest.

It was clear; he had to admit, as much as the truth makes him suffer. The leader did try to end his life. Mikey had read his farewell, and the vision of their soaked leader had confirmed the seriousness of his intention. Leo had to choose this type of death to prevent his brothers from discovering his dead body, to preserve them. Jumping into the water, moreover, was an assurance of keeping their existence hidden. If Leo had used his katanas somewhere in the city, his body could have been discovered, carried out in the laboratory and then, the life of his brothers could have been endangered.

 

Leo had wanted to protect them as he was trying to protect them from the truth right now.

It was falling badly. Mikey was the easiest to fool of them.  Raph must be too tormented and had to cling to the least inconvenient truth for him.

Undoubtedly, he preferred to believe that the present for Donnie was the real reason. It was less disturbing than the other alternative, all jealous of Donnie than he was.

But Leo had to know that he couldn't fool him.

Donnie was the only one who knew that Leo didn't feel the slightest love for him, and the lead had to suspect that Donatello would soon see the exact origin of the starfish.

Leo wanted to avoid interrogation and to have the time to refine his story, had exiled the scientist in his laboratory.

Or, the leader, after their sexual touching, was disgusted with Donnie for life.

Why then had pretended that the gift was for him?

He lit his last cigarette and continued scribbling on the paper. The answer was before Leo left. And there were only two possibilities:

-Is that Leonardo suffered too much from his rupture with Raphael? Still, the leader seemed angrier than hurt about the situation.

-It was something that had happened during the intimate moment who had upset the leader. Fearless, as Raph called him, never lose his cool. It had to be of exceptional gravity to push the katana wearer to the suicide attempt.

Donnie cursed himself. If only he hadn't remained motionless and his eyes closed after their caresses, perhaps he would have noticed something.

Suddenly he choked on his puff of smoke. He coughed furiously and then leaned down to the lab sink to take a sip of tap water.

Leonardo had two weakness: his family and he was feeling easily guilty. Everybody knows that.  He tried to see through the eyes of the leader a few moments.

Leo, after leading them to orgasm, must have seen a Donnie with eyes stubbornly closed. No doubt the leader had interpreted this refusal to look at him as a rejection.

Leo must have felt that he had forced Donatello's against his will and thought that he was traumatized and disgusted, to the point of making the dead.

Leonardo, who had such a high concept of honor, must have hated himself, believing he had hurt his little brother whom he had sworn to protect. This added to the fact that he had pushed the scientist to lies and deceits, dragging him into this quagmire, had driven the leader to this madness, deciding that only death could repair the wrong done, not being able to live with such a feeling of guilt.

 

He had therefore prepared for his suicide.

Leo had jumped but had survived, miraculously. In the depth of the river, he must have noticed the asteroid. This had awakened his survival instinct for a mysterious reason, and Leonardo had gone back, or he had thought back to Michelangelo and fearing to have suffered collateral damage to their youngest, he had chosen to live.

He had survived diving and thermal shock. But how long had Leonardo remained under the water? He could hold his breath for more than fifteen minutes, but the hydrocution should have killed him before.

That idiot of Leonardo would surely feel the repercussions of this icy immersion. He had to shudder under those thin sheets of percale in his bedroom.

He got up quickly, crushing the butt of his cigarette. The best way to cure hypothermia was a transfusion of a hot dip. He had to go immediately and look for him in his laboratory. Then, once the young chef out of danger, he had to explain to Leonardo that their intimate experience had been the best moment of his existence and that the only thing that had kept him so little expressive was the fear of over-enthusiasm and disappointment.

He also had to prove to him, as he had already intended, that apart from Raphael, other turtles were ready to adore him. He was prepared for anything so that Leonardo would cherish life again.

Yes, he had to convince his brother quickly before this madman tried again to suppress himself. Agitated by this sudden thought, he ran for his leader.

When he arrived at the door of his eldest brother's room, he had a very brief moment of hesitation. He was suddenly very afraid to surprise the one he loved with his brother in red. If Leonardo had been close to death and Raph had thought he was losing him, they would probably put their argument aside so they could be together again. He knew that this vision would hurt him, but he was a doctor above all else and too concerned about his leader's state of health to be restrained by a feeling as mean as jealousy.

So, he bridled his heart, preparing for the worst of scenarios and knocked softly on the door.

"Get out, Donnie. I'm tired," Leo said in an almost firm voice.

Donatello refused to give up, despite the authoritarian tone. He didn't even take the time to wonder how his brother was able to determine who was behind the door. Mikey often said that Leo had paranormal gifts. Although the scientist knew that it was an absurdity and that the leader wasn't reading in the minds or seeing through the walls, as the youngest was saying, he had to admit that his brother had unique talents.

"No, Leo. You'll come with me to the lab. I have to examine you," he said confidently.

"I'm fine, Don, thank you,”the leader said, stumbling.

 

That alone was already a sign in itself, says the genius. Leo was too polite, usually, to scream through a door. He must have been too weak to come open. Conscious of his condition, out of stupid pride or simply to distract him, he didn't want to be seen by the doctor of the family. He knew that Don was more than aware of something.

He knocked harder and raised his voice:

" Your condition requires immediate care. If you don't open the door of your own free will, I will have to use means that you won't like."

He heard a faint laugh:

"You can always pick the lock, Donnie. You can't force me to follow you to the lab.

The chief's speech seemed troubled, which further alerted the purple bandanna turtle if needed.

" But Master Splinter, yes" he declared with confidence.

Donnie thought he had released his ultimate trump card. What was his surprise to hear a sneer!

"Master Splinter went on a pilgrimage. I didn't have the opportunity to tell you."

Donatello frowned. Not because their father had gone away and told only the eldest. His exaggerated preference for Leonardo didn't affect anyone, anymore. No, what was gnawing at him was how he was going to get that pigheaded out of there.

He sighed: he didn't want to get there, but he had no choice.

"You asked for it, Leo."

He had no other options, every second was precious, and he had no time to procrastinate. Leo would come out only by physical force and not logical reasoning. Physical force wasn't Donnie's department.

He then turned on his heels to open the door next door, without knocking. The decorum between the Hamato brothers was only appropriate with the eldest. He was surprised by the cloud of smoke that escaped from Raphael's room. He threw what he held in his mouth and the mag he held with one hand.

Eyes bulging, the wrathful turtle immediately shouted to the insult to his intimacy.

"No time. I don't care what you do in your free time, Raph. I only need you to smash Leo's door."

To his credit, Raphael, who didn't listen to anyone, didn't even consider arguing with Donatello. He got up from his hammock and passed by the genie, without questioning him. The olive turtle deduced that his brother had felt that, for him to dare to disturb him thus, it must be urgent.

 

With a hard kick, he slammed the door open and pulled Leo out of bed, hoisting him over his shoulder, listening to no recriminations from the leader and not worrying more about his angry bursts.

"Lab?" he questioned simply

Donnie nodded.

"I'm fine," the turtle in blue protested, but Donnie's one glance at the katana bearer told him it was a lie. Leo, obviously, struggled to stay awake. Its jade color had taken on a gray hue alarming to the scientist. Hypothermia was gaining more and more. He stammered nonsense over the stench of Raph and Donnie and found the energy to threaten the worst abuse if he caught them smoking. He wanted to get down to search their respective room and lab to find their stash, and Donnie read the concern in Raph's gaze.

Not because of the leader's threats, but because he was exhausting himself in lecture as incoherent as it was trivial.

The air is falsely nonchalant, Donnie warns Leo that possible frostbite would probably deprive him of his fingers that he should amputate. If so, the leader could never hold a katana in his life. This had the merit of silencing Leonardo. Donnie bit his lip; he was deadly worried. He didn't want to consider how far his brother would go if he saw himself forced to amputate him.

Raphael placed the leader on the cot with clumsiness. Apparently, this kind of situation wasn't his too much for him to stomach. The panic radiated from all those pores.

Unceremoniously, when he saw that his elder brother was too weak to oppose the taking of his vital signs physically, he put his Raph out, after ordering him to hold down the leader the time he straps him down, by caution. He cast an uncertain look at Leo, then at Donnie. The scientist doesn't see the usual spark of jealousy of the last days, but rather a grave concern for their common brother.

"It's going to be fine," Don reassured him, putting a soothing hand on his shoulder. " If I need help with something, I'll let you know."

Raph nodded, and after a last glance at their almost unconscious leader, whom Donnie was covering with a warm blanket, he complied.

Donatello didn't bother to reason Leo or pay attention to the stammered words. So, when he was installing the heated intravenous solution, he caught a few words:

"It was true…"

He shook his head. He didn't want to start trying to unravel what was going on in the confused mind of the leader. He didn't want to lend these words meaning they probably didn't have. Leonardo probably didn't remember anything at this moment.

 

He put a hand on his brother's forehead. He had a fierce desire to reprimand him for his unconsciousness. How did he dare to consider suppressing himself and abandoning them? They needed him; he was their rock. And now, for Donatello, so much more.

He wanted to shake him, slap him, scream "Why?" until Leonardo understood all the pain he was experiencing and all the fear he had felt. But, that would be for later. What Leonardo needed was care.

He took advantage of his brother's total unconsciousness to kiss the cold lips chastely and installed the oxygen mask. Then, he squeezed the hand of his leader with force.

From what he had seen, the young leader would have no physical damage and, in top form tomorrow, if they were unlucky, the leader would remember his threat of search. Leo would give importance to stupid thing and kept the silence about his madness.

Donnie squeezed the hand with more force. He couldn't heal Leo, so stubborn, alone.

He was going to need the help of Michelangelo.


	14. Chapter 14

Donnie didn't leave the lab all night long watching over his brother. He was relieved to see him soon enough to take a healthier green color and his breathing and heart rate also stabilized.

Relieved, he carefully unplugged his brother in the early morning, not wanting to wake him up. With a tenderness tinged with melancholy, he watched him sleep.

"Leo, what's going on in your mind? All this is not you at all."

He knew he should have used the leader's sleep to question his brothers, but he was unable to get out of the room. He had been so afraid of losing him that he couldn't bring himself to take his eyes off him.

He looked at the time. It was already 6:30 am when Leonardo had already been up for a while. He wondered about the absence of their Sensei. Mikey had told him he was sleeping. Had Leo been lying, or the young turtle, too freaked out, hadn't taken the trouble to check? He opted for the second possibility. Splinter's departure was plausible. For the past two years, he has been leaving about once a season. In general, it was only three weeks. He shrugged. He preferred this absence. Leo always tended to overdo his ninja stuff when their Master was there. Leonardo needed to spare himself and rest.

The leader was much more fragile than he had thought, emotionally and he wanted more than anything, to take care of him. On the other hand, he had to admit that, physically, the leader had to be in excellent physical shape to have survived such a trauma for his vascular system. Swim activates the cooling of the body and Leo had to go back up while swimming hundreds of foots. Undoubtedly, the key to his recovery was the mutation. It could have been an exciting research project. But, there was much more critical at the moment.

He slowly approached the beautiful face again. The beautiful blue eyes, carved in almonds, were always closed. He was tempted to kiss Leo again, but these stealthy kisses, though they nourished his need to express his love, seemed to him disloyal. He lightly caressed the line of the jade jaw with a soft finger, instead.

He staggered back when the leader's eyes opened immediately, his eyes far too alert for a turtle that had just woken up.

"Yes, Donatello?"

The eyes were inquisitive but mostly suspicious, and his expression was austere. Instinctively, only by this look, Donnie then realized that the tactics, which he had patiently developed during his waking night, was the right one.

To lull the mistrust of the leader, he had to show him that he believed in his fable of starfish, reported as a Valentine's Day gift. Thus, Leonardo would lower his guard, no longer fearing an interrogation from Donnie, the clever one. Mikey probably knew much of the truth, but he would never dare question Leo about it. Donnie didn't just want to imagine the indecent number of cupcakes that Mikey was going to cook and eat to drow his trauma under the vanilla icing.

Leo would blame himself for the irreparable emotional shock to their little brother. The eldest had a well-known weakness for the youngest. He was very protective of Mikey in particular. But Donnie had a plan for that. He would manage the youngest.

Leo didn't have to fear questions from Raph. This one felt guilty enough, without adding a layer. Knowing Raphael, he would either avoid Leo or act as if nothing had happened. Donnie was assured that the red turtle was going to keep a low profile for a few days at least. He would probably avoid arguing, and it was perfect.

He didn't want any interference from Raphael because he didn't know how to take care of Leo. Yes, he loved him as a brother, respected him as a leader and no doubt desired him as a lover, but he didn't love or respected him as a mate should do.

Despite his fear, despite his distress, despite his guilt, Donatello was ready to put his emotions aside to care for others. Leo, who had spent his life watching over them and had never asked anything explicitly, in return, deserved it.

So, to calm down Leo's worries, he was going to take him by surprise. Now.

Donnie gave him his biggest smile.

"Leo, you fool! It was time for you to wake up! I couldn't wait to thank you!"

Although a master of the features of his face in all circumstances, even dramatic, the leader couldn't hide his bewilderment and Donnie couldn't help but sneer mentally.

"What are you talking about, Donnie," he asked suspiciously.

"For your beautiful gift!"Donnie claimed with as much enthusiasm as he could simulate. "I'm dehydrating it. I could keep this memory, always to remember the time when I confess my love for you."

Leonardo studied Donnie for a while before speaking. The scientist felt the tactician in Leo analyzing the veracity of his younger brother's remarks. The impassive gaze scrutinized him to the bottom of his soul. He must have been satisfied with what he found because he gave a pale smile.

"I knew you would like it," the leader added softly.

Donatello couldn't help pushing a little:

"Really? How did you guess it?" he questioned with exaggerated curiosity.

Leo didn't trouble himself:

"You brought only your mineral collection from your room in mine, remember?" he remarked as if it were obvious. "So, I understood that it was something that you liked."

He was pleasantly surprised that finally, his brother was interested in observing what he had chosen to bring. This proved that he wasn't that indifferent to him, but the scientist in Donnie took over the strategist, and he questioned:

"So what? Starfish are living beings, not minerals. You know it, right?"

Not disturbed, Leonardo explained that first, he was looking for seashells, which are minerals, but that, seeing the purple star, he had found it more beautiful.

Dismayed, realizing that, while he was pretending to be asleep, Leo had make-up this story, Donnie couldn't help but specify:

"Shells aren't minerals either, Leo. It is the external skeleton of a mollusk."

The leader blushed, maybe ashamed of his ignorance or angered at being questioned.

"Whatever" he concludes. "I had good intentions," he shouted, offended.

"Yes, yes, of course," Donnie mumbled. He had to catch up quickly before Leo realized he wasn't fooled. Honeyed, he clutched Leo's hand in his.  
"Today is Valentine's Day, and I would like to please you, as you do since yesterday. What can I do for you?"

His request was sincere. He had purposely left his sentence a little vague on the nature of the "pleasure" offered by his leader.

Leo's eyes flashed. He articulated clearly:

"I don't want your pity, Donatello."

Red flags flashed in his head; he managed to look wrinkled.

" Leo, you risk your life for me, and you refuse to tell me what would make you happy. I only thought of something that I could have asked Mikey to help me cook for you! That would have made him very happy," Donnie added, blaming himself for the emotional blackmail, but too distraught to think of anything else.

The leader fidgeted, uncomfortable on the bed

"I don't need anything, Donnie, I swear," he said, looking away.

The scientist this time took both hands in his and squeezed them, smiling with love.

"I loved our moment together yesterday. You made me feel things that I never thought I would have the chance to feel. I don't know if they will ever happen again, I hope so, but I don't oblige you. I understand that you could be disappointed with my performance, but I will never express the pleasure you made me live. Then, not being as experienced as you, I hope to show you my affection, otherwise."

With delight, Donatello watches his brother flushing. Embarrassed, the leader looked everywhere except his younger brother. Put Leonardo unease at this point was a rarity and Donnie was quite proud of him. But he would be much more if he was confident to have convinced his leader of the authenticity of his words.

Feeling obliged to say something, Leonardo stammered:

"I don't see why you say that I am "experienced". You have no reason to feel bad, either. You haven't been disappointing. It's all my fault;" he finished darkly.

Donnie stirred. He had to keep the morale of the leader excellent. He decided to silence him with a kiss. To be honest, it wasn't just to silence Leo. He had to admit that he was dying of envy, having spent hours fantasizing about it.

Leonardo's reaction was confusing. At first, still, he then responded with ardor to the kiss, then froze again and pushed back his brother.

"Donnie", he begged in a low voice, "don't feel obliged to ..."

Looking forward, Donnie again silences him in the same way, this time putting more passion into it. He tugged on his brother's bottom lip so that he let his tongue penetrate into his mouth. After a hesitation, Leo let himself go.

"I don't feel obliged," he whispered, catching his breath between kisses. It was true," he repeated, remembering the words deluded by Leo in his almost unconsciousness.

A voice pulled them from their embrace.

"Well glad to see you're better, Fearless. That's for sure, Dr. Don has the touch to heal."

Arms folded, a wavering look of relief, jealousy, and anger, Raphael decided to do as if he didn't care, despite his brothers could read in him like an open book.

"I just came to tell you that the breakfast is ready," the turtle in red continued, trying to keep his nonchalant tone. "That and then make sure the Fearless Leader is in one piece. But you made sure of that, eh Donnie? You checked up on his tonsils! That's why you kicked my ass out of here yesterday, right? To do all these little tests, in damn peace."

The tone had risen, Raphael never kept control of his nerves for long.

Donnie made a soothing gesture. He was about to tell Raph that he hadn't insisted much on staying at the bedside of the leader, but he didn't think the time was right.

Raph waved his hand, meaning that no matter what Donnie wanted to add, he didn't give a damn.

"The kid's bellowing for you to eat. There was damn flour everywhere. I don't think he slept. You have to cut his damn FOOD Channel, Donnie. Soon, he will make us pastries hiding a dancer with a feather in the ass, inside."

Leonardo imposed himself.

" I take a shower, and I'm ready. Tell Mikey."

Raphael stammered something like Leo must have seen enough water for a while, but neither the leader nor the scientist paid any attention. Donatello for the simple reason that he kept thinking about the kiss. The leader in blue had responded to the kiss because he seemed to want it as much as himself! There could be no more joy!

He stayed in this blissful state, thinking back at the kiss, and projecting what would happen if Raph hadn't entered. Probably, they would have sex, but not just preliminaries as the last time. They would have made love for real, and Donnie's insides churned at the idea.

Leo was so hot and within reach for Donatello. This beautiful being needed care and there nothing more that Donnie was willing to do that nurture. It was why he was made up for, then and be loved and to be fucked his brain out by a dominant lover.

He needed Leonardo to be whole as the leader needed him.  
He reflected if it was a good idea to let Leo alone in the shower. His anxieties remained too recent. But he feared to arouse his displeasure by imposing himself. He will take advantage to talk to Michelangelo, instead.

He was on the ninth cloud. For the first time in his life, he considered his love feelings from an optimistic point of view. Leo, perhaps, would love him back.

Donnie hurried to the kitchen, wanting to have time to catch Mikey, alone, while Leo relaxes under the hot spray of the shower.

On arriving at the kitchen, he froze with surprise at the riot of food on the table. Mikey had outdone himself and, as Don feared, the pile of food meant only one thing: Mikey was upset.

The youngest often used humor as a defense mechanism, but when he was distraught, he threw himself into the food. Cooking and then eating was his way of escaping reality. Mikey would eat to make himself sick. Leo, indeed, would feel doubly guilty when he entered the kitchen, aware of their brother's bulimia, as every time something went wrong.

The orange bandanna turtle greeted Donatello with a smile too stretched to be true. He took his forehead in his hands. Leonardo remained only the bare necessities in the shower. He had a maximum of ten minutes to convince Mikey that everything was under control. He hoped that nothing in Leo's ultimate message to Mikey could contradict what he was going to pretend. Knowing the discreet attitude of the chef; it would be surprising if he had to go into details with Michelangelo, who had nothing to do with the drama.

"Hey, Mikey! You outdid yourself !All this seems to be delicious! Leo will be delighted."

The youngest looked at him with his uncertain blue eyes.

"Leo made me so scared that I would never let a simple quarrel of lovers ever happen again between us. But, don't worry. We are reconciled and I need your help. After the beautiful present that Leo brought me, I want to give him something in return. But, you know how he is. He refuses to make any suggestion to me. I'm running out of ideas, and that's why I need you, " Donnie concluded, having observed with satisfaction the face of the youngest enlightenment as he spoke. But there remained a glimmer of doubt in the pale blue eyes.

"You and Leo, you quarreled, he brings a gift for you and there, you reconciled?" the youngest asked. When he saw the scientist nod, he smiled.

"Waoh D. Leo must love you for being so upset and risking his life looking for a gift! It's so romantic," Mikey exclaimed.

The heart of the purple turtle squeezed a little to his words. No, Leo didn't love him that much. And he, anyway, wouldn't have wanted this kind of love and that Leo endangered his life to offer him a starfish. Donnie was a too rational being to believe that risking hypothermia and drowning, was romantic. To prevent the youngest, intuitive, to read his face, he turned to prepare the tea of the leader and changed the subject.

"So, Mikey do you have any idea of what might please Leo? he asked nonchalantly.

The youngest put his finger to his chin and thought aloud; his eyes turned to the ceiling.

"Leo is not a very complicated dude. He loves Space Heroes, tea, candles, incense and swords."

Donnie made an impatient gesture:

"I know all this Mikey! This is the type that gifts we always offer to Leo. As a brother. But for me, I want to offer him something more personalized ... unique! He is my soulmate, I need something with a deeper meaning"

Completely consumed in his thoughts, no trace of anxiety was reflected on Mikey's face.

"Mission accomplished," Donnie thought proudly. Leo would see an enthusiastic Mikey and so would feel a lot less guilty and so, maybe Mikey would have a perfect idea for him.

Leonardo was entering the kitchen just as Don poured boiling water over the tea. He greeted his older brother with a smile:

"Your shower did you good! You look beautiful," he cried sincerely. Indeed, it suddenly seemed to him that his brother was the most beautiful living specimen. The kiss exchanged must have made him even more in love, he thought. As if he needed it.

Mikey greeted the elder with a delirious enthusiasm, proudly showing him all the meals he had made for him.

The leader took the mug from Donnie's hands, thanking him briefly. His congratulations to Mikey were much warmer, but the scientist didn't care. It was him whom Leo had kissed and not Mikey.

Raph comes to join them later, his usual grumpy look on his features. He disdained Mikey's food to make his usual strawberry shake.

Suddenly, Mikey spoke:

"You know, Leo. Donnie and I have the stuff to prepare for tonight. Why don't you go to the sewers for a few hours? Tonight, I want to have a dinner and a special party. Casey and April are coming, but maybe we could invite Mutanimals, right?"

Donnie turns pale. He didn't have enough confidence in his new relationship with Leonardo to leave him alone with Raphael for several hours, far from him. The red turtle could quickly turn the situation to his advantage, Leo having not heard his confession that he was about to do to him and Leo didn't further promise him anything, in return. He didn't like the spark that had lit up in the green eyes at Mikey's suggestion.

The scientist knew that the youngest hadn't poorly thought. He only wanted them to be free for a surprise for their leader. Nevertheless, Don was recalcitrant:

"Why invite them? None of them are in a couple and is not it the goal of Valentine's Day? Celebrate couples? Moreover, if you want Mikey, we can do it by T-Phone.

It was Leonardo whom he answered:

-No, Mikey's idea is excellent. At the end of the training, Raph and I will leave. We have something to discuss. We will probably be gone for several hours."

The blue-steel eyes stared into Donnie's, and this one, though his heart contracted, could only nod his head in acquiescence.Donatello has never been a strategist of the strength of his older brother. He never had a kind of natural intuition like his brother Mikey, but he knew something: he couldn't leave Raph and Leo alone for hours! And he had to develop a plan.  
Leonardo was emotionally fragile, and Raphael would use this unusual weakness of the leader to his advantage. Raph wasn't going to take kisses from him like those he had just shared with the leader in blue. Don needed this love, these hands, these lips, to fill the emptiness of his heart so vast and satisfy that physical desire that had gripped him for a few days. He loved Leonardo and couldn't suffer to lose him when he had just become aware of this passion. His brain was looking in all directions for a solution to postpone this "walk."

To his shame, he made several horrible schemes to physically prevent his brother in red from accompanying his brother in blue.

Drug his shake or a bottle of water?

Intentionally hurt his ankle, to prevent him from walking, during training?

He took his head: was he a become a monster? Ready to harm one of his brothers to appropriate another?

Obviously, yes, because even though his conscience told him that it was against the oath of Hippocrates, he swayed it, everything seemed to him a more favorable outcome than losing his last chance to conquer Leo. He wasn't a real doctor and had never taken an oath; he reasoned to exonerate himself.

After having breakfast, Don apologized quickly and went to his laboratory at a fast pace. He had 45 minutes before training. He went straight to his cabinet, where he kept the products to keep _"out of reach of Michelangelo."_

Among other things, he kept alive viral cultures to study them. Solid gastroenteritis would bring off Raph for about four days. Was it enough to seduce Leonardo? Maybe not. But it was worth trying. What would be more difficult would be to make sure no one else, especially Leo, is contaminated. He didn't want to cause an epidemic in the lair. Just keep Raph out of his way, at least the time of this dreamy Valentine's Day that he had promised himself to offer to the Fearless Leader.

He hesitated one last time. He could just put a few drops of liquid sleeping aid. Donnie was used to this: had been drugging Leo for years, secretly. Not regularly, only when the leader suffered from insomnia for too many sleepless nights. It was for the good of his brother so that he rested, he often said to himself, to excuse his gesture.

But he knew that this time he had no noble motive.

Put to sleep Raphael, rather than make him sick would be more human. The fact that Raphael had hardly slept the night before would make the need for sleep suddenly a little less suspicious. But barely. Also, Raph will only be short-circuited for a few hours, while the virus would put him in four to five days, hoping he would act as quickly as the sleeping pill could.

He had decided, in spite of a shudder of repulsion against himself, for a combination of the two products, to have at once the almost immediate and the long-lasting effect, when the salvation came to him in a form which he didn't expect to see.

Raphael, after knocking at the door, which was in itself a novelty, entered the laboratory without a word. His face expressed a feeling so unusual that the scientist suspended his movements and closed his closet: uncertainty.

Immediately Donnie knew from the flustered position of Raph rubbing the back of his head that he had something to ask. Something huge, because usually, when he had to ask for a favor, Raph "forced" his brothers to grant him "favor" or service. For Raph to knock on his door and seem so intimidated, it must have been phenomenal.

Donnie knew it was time to negotiate tight. It relieved him. He preferred to bargain Leo like some furniture at a clearance sale than to poison his brother. He lost no time in the preamble.

"What do you want?"

Raph decided that it was better to being over quickly and spit it out.

"I need 5200 $"

Donnie's heart missed a beat at hearing the enormity of the sum. He hadn't expected such an amount of cash. In fact, he hadn't thought about money at all. He tried to prevent a smile from stretching his lips like the Chestershire Cat. This sum was indecent in their conditions of precarious life. Leo would have a heart attack if he knew that Raph "needed" for some egoistic use of such an astronomical amount of money. It was perfect. Raphael would never boast of this negotiation. Donnie paled a moment: And if this sum was to buy a present for the leader?

He sat down with all the calm assurance of a president in his chair and stared coolly at the turtle in front of him.

"It depends ... that's why?" he asked abruptly.

Raph blushed and stammered:

" Casey texts me, and he found this great motorbike ... It is not in new condition, but I know that I can tinker with it by spring ..."

Donnie pretended to listen attentively to Raphael, looking grave, while he exulted internally. Among the Hamato, only he and Leo had a semblance of fortune. Their father offered an allowance, subtracted from his savings to Leonardo only, who was the only master of this money and divided it as he wished between his brothers. The eldest was parsimonious. He shared the money too, but it was so little that Donnie quickly realized that if they wanted to have a better life than a subsistence existence, he had to use the many talents that nature had given to him. Mikey and Raph were pretty much the only ones aware of this, with their human friends. Leo, of course, knew that sometimes April brought "broken down" stuff from friends, which Donnie was repairing, for a small monetary reward. But he had no idea of the rest and all these other sources of profit.  
In fact, nobody knows how Donnie made all of this money, except for the repair part. There a many ways: he played online poker a lot, bought on eBay and resolved 10% more expensive, was on the Stock Exchange and worked as a technician online.  
Finally, no one knew accurately how much his income was, and Raph was taking a chance to come and ask him for such an amount. He couldn't know if Don had enough money saved to give away that much. But the fact was that he had. He could get back that money in two or three weeks. But Raph didn't know it, and it was going to make him his devoted debtor until the end of their days.

He controlled the features of his face to maintain a neutral expression.

Raph, just stopped in his distraught tirade to take a look at his brother, to see if he had spoken so much in vain. Seeing that Donnie was still saying nothing and scrutinizing him intensely, Raph felt his nerves twisting. To hide his anxiety, he lit a cigarette from the package he was hiding under his obi. Unable to endure this suspense and silence, felt himself melt beneath that twisted mahogany look on him, he barked:

"Do you have that sum yes or shit? Stop making me languish!"

Donnie extended his fingers into a mute command. Raph, interpreting the gesture correctly, took a new cigarette from his pack and handed it to Donatello. The latter took it without haste just as he accepted the offer of the lighter of Raph.

The olive turtle took a long breath and exhaled it with a sigh of satisfaction. He didn't need to use some drastic mean. Finally, everything worked out and for a trifle like $ 5000! Still refusing to let his joy and relief show through, he took a contemplative pose, his gaze falsely lost in the swirling smoke, allowing the stress grind his brother in red for a few moments. Seeing Raph's torture was a rare sight, and Don was enjoying every moment of it. It was a payback for Leo's suffering.

"Well, Raph. Assuming that I have this sum and that I agree to give it to you, what do you intend to offer me in return?" he asked with seriousness.

It would be a lot easier if the hot head offered what Donnie wanted from his own free will.

The scientist immediately saw that the emerald turtle was taken aback. Raphael hadn't expected that Don requires a counterpart. He hadn't prepared to deal.

"Uh... my eternal gratitude, bro, my apologies for everything I've done to you before, and then, uh, I can do your dishwashing for, uh, let's say three months?" Raph tried.

Donnie shook his head with a disapproving little "tssss" tug at his cigarette again. He saw that green eyes were sincerely ingenuous. Raph had no idea what he owned that the scientist might want. Donnie had to put cards on the table. He was nervous, not knowing what would be the reaction of Raphael, despite how excited about the bike he was, but he had no choice. Such an opportunity would never happen again.

"I want Leo," he said soberly, exhaling.

The emerald eyes widened. Raphael looked more than surprised: paralyzed. Donnie took the opportunity to speak so that Raph understands all the ramifications of his request.

"You don't stay alone with him anymore. You forget all attempts to seduce him," he clarified. "And you never hurt him again."

Raphael's brain proceeded to Donnie's request;  
"Why?"

"Because I love him. Really. Yes, the poem wasn't for him, but that joke opened my eyes. I love Leonardo, and I want him. I would love him as he deserves to be loved and I would take care of him much better that you never would."

Seeing that his brother was silent, Donnie felt the anguish crush him. If Raph, indignant, would run out of his lab to tell Leo everything? What would Donnie look like?

"Do you want your motorbike? So, this is the only solution. I don't want any interference from you in my attempts to seduce Leonardo, "he repeated, hoping the bait would be big enough for Raph to let go of it.

The turtle in red, repeated, as if uncertain to have understood well the stake:

"For 5,200 $ you want that I give up on Leo?"

Donnie, more and more worried, could see the image of the bike disappearing into Raphael's mind. In the end, he was perhaps more attached to his Fearless than he had thought. Desperate, he raised the bid:

"No, 7,500 $. You told me you had to tinker with it, right? Besides, I offer you my skills, my facilities and my equipment to do so."

While hoping that this offer would be sufficiently appetizing, He spied on Raphael the changes of emotions on his face. Raph was torn apart. He found the prospect of riding a motorcycle as enticing as that of mounting Leo himself and didn't know what to choose. The scientist didn't want to allow time for his brother to reflect and ponder this decision.

"Raph. My offer would be over in five minutes. You can't have both. The bike or Leonardo."

Raphael then glanced sharply at his younger brother and drew a long puff.

"And admitting that, even though I'm not doing anything, Fearless doesn't want you. What is happening?" he asked sarcastically. "Or, if you realize that you don't love him anymore?"

The savant understood the hint. Raph, apparently, didn't believe in his chances with the leader. Indeed, if Leo didn't want him and he loved only Raph, he couldn't deprive his brother of happiness under the egocentric pretext that he loved him. He just wanted to have a real chance to prove himself as a potential mate. If Leo didn't love him in return, he could not selfishly appropriate him forever.

"If in six months I haven't won the heart of Leonardo, then you will be free to court him, but provided you don't break his heart ever again," the genius specified. "And regarding losing interest in Leonardo, don't count on it. It won't happen!"

Raphael finished his cigarette in silence, weighing the pros and the cons. A last look at Donatello seemed to convince him.

He held out his hand, looking neutral:

" Deal. I leave you Fearless, for six months. If after that time, he still doesn't love you, I have the right to resume where I was with him. And I promise you this time to take care of him, for good," he stated firmly.

Donnie didn't care about the end of his brother's promise. No matter what he said because if Raph loved his leader as much as he claimed, he wouldn't have sold him! Donnie would NEVER have exchanged the bliss of possessing the heart and body of their leader for anything in the world. The olive turtle squeezed the emerald hand.

"We have a deal, Raphael," he concluded. "By bringing over your bike back, bring me some cigarettes ..."

Raph nodded quickly and turned on his heels, presumably to text the good news to Casey, leaving a dreamy Donatello.

He now had a clear way for his dreamy Valentine's Day and all the following days ...


	15. Next part of the Comic FanArt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Comic fanart by Werecakes, part 2  
> No spoiler.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Werecakes did it for my fic because sometimes people are just incredibly kind like this, I guess. The result is so beautiful and stirring. It's actually better than the story. Enjoy.

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's day to my readers and to my friend How_do_you_do who give me her everyday support!

 

When the door closed on Raphael, Donnie had a moment of euphoria. He built a thousand romantic projects in his mind, looking for a Valentine present that would be meaningful. Raph, to his knowledge, had not spoiled their eldest. Donnie wanted the leader to see how great the difference between them was.  
  
He knew perfectly well that Leo would not be impressed by an expensive offering. He had to follow the steps of the young leader in blue, and instead, offer a treasure of Mother Nature. He had to find something as difficult as possible to access, at least for them. The violet asterid wasn't an object within their physical reach, but it was too common. He was a genius, it should be child's play for him to get an original gift.  
  
The more Donnie thought without finding an answer, the more his excitement fell. His tired brain was overcome with remorse.

"You negotiated and bought Leonardo like a wealthy Roman on the slave market. You claim to love him, and still, you had treated him so ignobly." Don bent his head to his knees, overwhelmed by the weight of his shame and regret.

"No, it's Raph who put a motorcycle over Leo. Not you," he tried to argue with his conscience.

He couldn't believe how quickly he had converted to the dark side. Love was a scary state. He had never known that sinister facet of his personality. Surely only the fear of losing Leonardo forever had led him to this extremity. It was for the sake of his leader. Only Donatello could bring Leo happiness and peace. The jade turtle had tried to kill himself. There was no time to waste.

Donatello could not convince himself, no matter how long he argued.

"I bought my brother," he repeated to himself in a low voice. Ashamed, he turned to grab his T-Phone, to call Raph and offer him the bike for nothing. His gesture bumped the mouse and woke the computer screen. Mona Lisa's daring eyes looked into his own from the desktop.

King Francis I had paid a fortune to decorate the walls of his palace with many artistic masterpieces, including this fabulous smile. It had not demeaned the purchaser, the model, or the creator. Perhaps Leonardo would be flattered that Don was willing to pay so much for the privilege of courting him. Not necessarily for sexual favors, but only for a sufficient amount of time to be loved in return. It wasn't dishonorable. Even supposing that Leo knew one day, he could not blame Don, he finally reasoned. Raphael would bear his shameful secret to his tomb. Nobody would know about the infamous deal.

Immediately, fearing that his brother would change his mind, he made the funds transfer to April’s bank account with the words "For the purchase of Raphael's bike." As soon as the turtle in red was in possession of his fortune, he would be less likely to change his mind. The earlier the better.

Relieved and confident, Donnie walked out of his lab with the assured step of a sultan. It was the same bearing as when he was proud of one of his inventions. But this time it was better than anything before, he realized as he entered the Dojo.He had acted masterfully, and his reward would be sumptuous

Leo warmed up gently by repeating a kata, with his bandana turned to the side as a blindfold. Unseen and free to watch without fear of being reprimanded, Donnie contemplated the lines of his brother’s faultless musculature. He especially loved the powerful thighs. They seemed to be carved in jade. They were not as robust as Raph’s, but their length and finesse were a treat to the eye. Nothing in his brother’s body was oversized. Everything seemed in perfect harmony. Donnie could not help but flinch when a particular movement let him see the leader’s tail. His whole body shuddered as he imagined touching that tail, or better still that the leader was stroking it. He tried to deflect his thoughts to a more poetic side than sexual. He didn’t want to surprise his other brothers with an erection. Raph and Mikey could join them in the Dojo at any minute. His eyes began to follow the show again but from a more romantic point of view.

Watching the graceful movements of his brother as the blue ends of the bandana floated, thoughtful and fluid, Donnie realized what to offer the leader in exchange for the starfish. He knew that Leo had given it only as a pitiful cover-up for his suicide attempt, but his gift in return would be profoundly meaningful.

He had once found an entomological collection in the dump containing several rare species of insects and arachnids. He had been forced to put them away because Raphael kept scratching his skin until it bled, or worse, having panic attacks when he saw them. Among the pinned insects was a magnificent specimen of Morpho, that splendid iridescent blue butterfly of South America. Its magnificence, grace, hue and Latin origin reminded him often of Leo. But the butterfly was also an ancient symbol of renewal. The larval insect metamorphosed to a gorgeous butterfly. Donnie found a parable there about their friendly relationship transforming into a stronger bond. Leo was a romantic, spiritual being. Raphael had never delicately considered the turtle in blue. Leonardo, with his poetic soul, could not fail to be seduced.

Without a rival, he felt free to make a real attempt at courtship. He was confident of being accepted as a candidate, at least, now that Raph was benched from the game. Again he glimpsed the firm buttocks and the leader's fine tail, and he shivered once more, widening his eyes and biting his lip.

He twitched for a good reason when Leonardo's voice reached him:

"Donnie, can I do something for you?" the leader calmly asked, continuing his lethal dance.

The scientist was taken aback for a moment, confused to have been caught in the act of voyeurism. How Leo identified them so easily was beyond him. He suspected their father of differentiating them only by their bandanna and their weapons. The leader answered his unspoken question without interrupting his kata:

"The disgusting smell of tobacco follows you everywhere, Donnie. Mixed with coffee and chemicals. At first, I couldn’t identify it; then I distinctly recognized the same horrible nicotine aroma that I noticed on Raph. You know I didn't forget my promise of searching your room to confiscate your stash,”  the young leader threatened while slicing an invisible enemy with his katana.

Donnie rolled his eyes. He didn't know what upset him more, that Leonardo read people’s minds like Michelangelo claimed, or that Leo felt obliged to mother-hen them. He was a mutant, for Darwin's sake! Could tobacco possibly have more harmful effects than the mutagen? And then, seriously: they risked their lives every day! He could afford a distraction to all this stress, right?

Leo seemed to follow Don’s line of thought without even slowing down.

"Of course, if you want to keep kissing me ..." he said with what Donnie thought was a false nonchalance.

Donnie looked up quickly, suddenly fully interested by the threat. Leo finding and throwing those cigarettes away didn't scare him at all. Despite his ninja superpowers, deceiving the leader to sneaking out and smoke was possible. The idea that his "lover to be" could become disgusted with him and no longer want physical contact alarmed him more. Leo finished his kata, saluted his imaginary audience with a bow, and tore off his blindfold.

"Besides, what was it with those kisses," the leader asked, "why did you kiss me? We agreed that you don't have to, in private."

Donatello frowned. He had thought his feelings were explicitly clear in the lab. Well, they had been interrupted, but Leo must have guessed, right? Moreover, it wasn't as if the leader had shown any opposition. He regretted not having taken advantage of Raphael's solicitous state to extract crucial information from him. Like, for example, how he managed to seduce Leo, and how he lost him. The unfavorable experiences of his brother could be advantageous to him. He blamed himself for his impulsiveness. He had mismanaged this negotiation and no doubt that Raph, once his bike in their garage, would be infinitely less cooperative.

He didn't have time to think any further. Just then, Raphael and Mikey made their entry. They knelt in front of their Sensei, in the absence of Master Splinter, and Don joined them, waiting for Leonardo's instructions.

"Today, our training will be drastically different from the one we usually have and will stretch over the full day. This is an order from me, and I refuse any attempt to break away from it."

"But, Leo,” Mikey objected, “today is Valentine's Day, and I have my mega party, and…”

"Our daily training today will be precisely in the spirit of the holiday, Mikey." Leo cut abruptly. "We all have ten points. Every kiss someone steals from you loses one point. Each given kiss is worth one point. We will see tonight, at 7:00 pm, who has the most points. We must remain on guard and use extra care with stealth. It's kind of new Ninja Tag, and my surprise training for Valentine's day.” he explained with a smug smile as if it was indeed a great favor he did for them.

Donnie frowned. Raphael could molest Leo without failing in their arrangement. This training was bad news. In any case, he couldn't understand was going through their leader's head. This "surprise training" wasn't like Leo. The leader was usually even more serious than their father in the dojo.

"It's a shame that there are no girls!" Michelangelo laughed, glancing suggestively around him, though none of his brothers none of his brothers paid any attention to him.

"You are wrong, Mikey. I texted April. She doesn't have classes this afternoon. She will also join us to participate."

A girlish scream rang out, followed by several exclamations from the youngest that, for once, the training would be fun. Raphael was oddly stoic, and Leo was as mysterious as expected.

Donatello felt needles of suspense at the end of his big brother's statement. He couldn't understand Leo’s hidden motives. But there was one thing he felt strongly:

The idea of someone else kissing Leo, even on the cheek, awakened something ugly in him. It didn't matter who kissed April. He felt some strange energy fill him, and he felt sick. This training would be hellish, and he would prefer doing backflips all day long instead.

Then, in a flash, he understood. Leo was trying to either get rid of him by bringing back April in his heart or to minimize what had happened between them. The kiss they had shared in the lab was meaningless. All of this was just a game.

Discouragement hit him hard. To spoil training, Leo must seriously want to get rid of him. He really had to seek advice from Raphael, as unpleasant the idea was. He glanced over. Raph's posture as he knelt was full of confidence.

Leo’s blue-steel eyes scrutinized him. He stared back with a look full of challenge. If Leo thought he wasn't as a tenacious a fighter as Raphael, he was badly mistaken. This training was just a small obstacle, nothing more. Raph had promised to stay away from Leo, and Raph always kept his promises no matter how difficult they were. Once the day came to an end, this ridiculous kissing game would be over. The scientist would have the opportunity to give his gift to Leo, and to open his heart. Master Splinter had demanded that they share the same room. Leo couldn't hide in his lab for the night again.

Donatello was too occupied with all the problems and obstacles in front of him. His anguish made his ears buzz and ring. It prevented him from taking full advantage of the consequences when Raph announced that he would have to leave alone, and would not be back before lunch. Leo protested in the background as Raph explained he would spend all afternoon in the garage.While he forced himself to stay calm, he saw that he wasn't the only one to fight against a surge of emotions. Leo obviously put a lot of effort into keeping a mask of indifference.

 

Despite his impassive face, he saw how much the emerald turtle’s disregard hurt the leader. Donnie regretted for a moment the pain the young chef was feeling because of his actions.

Not wanting to add to his brother’s burden, Don complied with the superhuman training Leo imposed on them before Raphael's departure. Mikey grumbled about the fact that having only kissing training would be too good to be true.

Leonardo took advantage of his complaints to spar with Mikey himself, which was normally Raphael’s privilege. The eldest had to perceive that the turtle in red was less aggressive today. Because of that, he was not afraid to pair Donnie with Raph.

Donatello could see that Raphael’s mind was elsewhere. Raph was distracted and fighting with less conviction than usual. Don could only hope that it was because he was dreaming about his bike, and not because he regretted their deal. Anyway, it was too late for Raph. He had paid, and there could be no way back now.

With no other way to express his frustration, the katana bearer redoubled his attacks on poor Michelangelo, who had nothing to do with any of it. He prolonged the practice session as much as he could and made them work their muscles harder than an elite military camp. The scientist put all his physical energy into following the infernal pace. He cursed the absence of a clock in the dojo, preventing him from seeing how much time remained to this torture.

The training ended, much to the relief of the two youngest turtles. Leo finally had no choice but to let his younger brothers go. After all, he still wasn’t fully their Master, and outside the Dojo his power could not be limitless. In spite of all his displeasure, he had to let Raph go “to meet Casey and help him, you know, do some stuff that Case had found."

For Don, it was perfect. Busy with his new baby, Raph would not think about cornering the leader in a dark tunnel to steal kisses. Leo couldn't stay in the garage with Raphael and Casey all day. There was only Michelangelo left, and he wasn't jealous of the orange bandana-ed turtle, thank God! Well, maybe a little... But Leo was too expert a ninja to let the least subtle mutant in the world slip by and kiss him.

As for April, he didn't care about her. She could kiss Leo to her heart’s content, he had nothing to do with it. He would not even try to kiss her, or anyone else, for that matter. He would concentrate his efforts on the blue turtle. Don didn’t hope to surprise Leo, he knew it was impossible. As long as he gave the impression of playing the game, Leo couldn't blame him for his disobedience. It was just for a few hours, he repeated to himself. Everything would be fine.

Three hours later, he wanted to bury Michelangelo every brick in their lair. He seemed possessed by the idea of defeating the eldest ninja. Mikey had also tried kissing Donatello and April, but he didn't seem to find it as gratifying as surprising the leader, no matter how many times he failed. Donnie was no challenge. He was too busy thinking about how to convince Leo to stay in his room tonight to offer any resistance.

Raphael and Casey were together in the garage. That fact seemed to torture their elder in a unique way. He had naturally asked about the origin of the bike, and Casey had claimed that it was a gift for Raph.

Leonardo, strangely, had paled without asking more questions. He was not a materialist, so he must have no idea of the value of the Casey’s so-called “gift”. Therefore, he didn't seem to find the answer improbable.

It took a lot of work for Leo to thwart Michelangelo's kisses, as he kept returning to the garage.  Still,  Leo was only really concerned with cornering Raphael and repelling all of Donatello’s advances. It was too upsetting to watch Mikey smooch Leo under these circumstances. The scientist decided to retire alone in his laboratory. He had to find Leo's present, and he had not seen his collection of insects for ages. Since Leo avoided him so much, Don would spare him that trouble and isolate himself. 

The leader did, even more, to make sure that Donnie stayed in his lab: he sent April as a distraction.

She had brought along her school bag, and Donnie knew what that meant. April wanted help again with her homework and hoped that a maybe kiss would motivate Donnie. He didn't have time for this. He should be looking for the damned butterfly. The red-haired girl, after the third kiss given without Donnie seeming to feel anything other than annoyance, appeared more curious than dejected.

"So, you're really in love with Leo," she  marveled . "I noticed how you looked at him earlier. You  devour him with your eyes. It’s like you want to burn his image into your retinas."

The redhead did not seem sad or insulted, but instead sincerely interested in knowing the true feelings of her friend with the purple bandana.

Donnie, who was searching the tidy laboratory for his entomological box, didn't even raise his head.

"Of course I love him," he grumbled, too preoccupied in his search to answer in more detail.

"But, did you win his heart with Master Splinter’s advice?" she persisted.

Donnie sighed in exasperation. He didn't want to discuss his romantic problems, especially not with April. And he still could not find his etymological box! He tried to calm down. Maybe April had love experiences he didn't have - and she was impartial. Some advice would not do him any harm, even if he’d have to smoke a cigarette afterward to calm his nerves. He was not risking a lecture or losing his stash. Leo avoided him like the plague. 

He didn't know exactly how to answer April’s question. Leonardo’s attitude  fluctuated. It was perplexing since usually, the leader was the most predictable of all of them. Leo had cried, then forced him to feign being a couple, became enticing, tried to commit suicide, over and over alternating between pretending to be in love with him and doing everything to get rid of him. Leo had responded to his kiss in the lab, but then questioned Donnie’s affection a few moments later in the Dojo, and then ordered this grotesque training. It was all too confusing. Earlier, he was sure of himself, but ... suddenly his doubts returned. Perhaps verbalizing his concerns would make him see the situation more clearly? It was worth a try.

"I don't know, April. Leo is ... complicated, "he began, rubbing his face in frustration. "You see, first of all, he must maintain the Fearless Leader mask. He almost never removes it. We can’t tell anything by the features of his face, his posture, his eyes or his voice. Moreover, developing strategies is second nature to him, and he never reveals his plans or motivations. Even when his actions seem sincere and believable, you can never be 100% sure that it is not some part of a grand scheme whose motivations are beyond you. Sometimes I think I'm getting closer to him, then he takes two steps backward. Perhaps it's an aspect of his leadership position. He wants to keep his cool, not playing favorites,  so he can’t be as invested in me as a regular boyfriend might be."

Donnie puffed his cigarette and pushed the  pack  over to his friend. She shook out a cigarette and lit it, then continued in a confident tone:

"Mikey told me that he risked his life to bring you a present. He didn't tell me what it was. Can I see it?"

The scientist stood up, cigarette dangling from his mouth, to pull out the container where the starfish was drying under a thin layer of salt.

"It's a real one?" the girl asked. “I mean, he fished it out himself, in wintertime?”

The olive turtle nodded without saying a word, not thinking it necessary to elaborate on the insane risks that the jade turtle had taken.

April frowned.

"It's a weird present. What does it mean?"

Donnie took a long breath, wondering the answer himself. He was tempted to think that Leo had chosen the star for no reason except color. But, that had to be wrong... somewhere in that cold watery shroud, Leo had seen something that had reignited his survival instinct. Perhaps this gift wasn't so random, and maybe the star had called it in a way that Donnie didn't quite understand. He regretted not having asked his brother any more about it. He exhaled smoke and honestly confessed:

"I don't have a clue."

The two friends looked at each other, considering what a starfish could mean. Then, April seemed to make a decision.  She hesitantly asked, as though holding back something from the beginning, “How long have you loved him?" the student wanted to know. "Is it because ..."

The turtle sighed, interrupting his human friend:

"I loved him for years. I just wasn't fully aware of it. It has nothing to do with you, and Leo is not just a second choice because you pushed me away. In fact, it's the opposite, if you will. You were my second choice because I was afraid Leonardo would push me away."

The girl frowned. She didn't seem offended, just dubious, so Donnie continued:

"I  thought he would not want me. I was young. I was only 15, I had illusions about romance and Leo certainly did too. Today, I understand that a relationship between a human and a mutant is a fantasy. We have matured, our bodies are starting to feel the need to have a partner ... of the same species as us. I feel the difference. My body responds differently to Leo than to you. It's physical, you can't understand," the scientist explained peremptorily at the human’s perplexed look.

He closed his eyes. He didn't want to go into details, especially not with April. It was embarrassing. He changed the subject:

"And as I told you," he  finished dejectedly  "even before this hormonal rise, I loved Leo because it was my perfectly half. I can't explain..He have all that I need to feel complete...He is my soulmate."

April remained silent for a few moments after Donnie's answer. The olive turtle seemed to be immersed in his inner world. Finally done with her reflection,  she spoke up .

"I don't think Leo is convinced that you love him. He must have doubts. Why would he have asked me to come here and kiss you as often as I could, otherwise? He must want to test you. Make sure he's the only one in your heart. You seemed interested in me for years, so he could be cautious or even jealous."

Donnie looked up, drawn out of his thoughts. So, his  suspicions  were accurate. He didn't believe that his human friend had grasped Leonardo's hidden motives. The chief hoped the scientist would return to his first love, although he knew that April would never love a mutant turtle back. It didn't matter to the leader that Don would have his heart broken again. He only wanted to get rid of him by throwing April in his arms, hoping that some miserable kisses would be enough to rekindle the embers of his passion for the human and make Don forget Leo.

What was so repulsive about him that made everyone he loved turn away from him?  April he could understand, at least. She was a human and inter-species relations could legitimately scare her. But Leo? He was a mutant turtle just like himself! Of course, Leonardo was a great person, and incredibly attractive. But didn't Don also have appealing qualities? Was he so ugly? Why was he, the most sensitive, always condemned to love without hope of reciprocity? Was he destined to die alone? Don smashed the cigarette butt in rage mixed with despair.

April, saw that her friend was hurt, though she did not understand the reason.:

"If you want, I'll talk to Leo. I can ask him what he thinks or wants and tell him that you love him."

Donnie was already pulling another cigarette out of the pack with trembling hands. He briefly considered the redhead's proposal. The leader, of course, would not be wary if April approached him and talked to him. No one could accuse their human friend of being biased. And maybe April was right in her judgment of the situation. Perhaps Leo didn’t trust Donnie’s motives, either. It was indeed true that he had demonstrated all the signs of a burning passion for April for two years. Maybe Leo was afraid to be heartbroken again?

Assuredly, April was closest to Donatello, but Leo would listen with an attentive ear to what she had to say. The girl was the perfect ambassador. He narrowed his eyes in determination. 

“ Win me Leo, Ape, and I will do all your assignments until you have a doctorate."

The girl, pleasantly surprised, give him a conniving smile.

  
  


 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to How_Do_you_do for the beta

Donnie wasn't very hopeful despite April's assurance. It was past 5:00 pm, and he was still on his knees looking for the box containing the butterfly. When the door of his laboratory opened, he quickly turned, hoping to see April with Leo's answer. He rolled his eyes when he saw that it was only Mikey and returned to his hunt.

"Michelangelo," he said, “I'm not in a funny mood, and I don't want your kisses. I'm looking for something vital."

"Pff! What a horrible Valentine's Day! Everyone is busy!" the youngest complained. "I remind you, bro, that you asked me to help you with Leo's gift. I have a great idea."

This interested Donnie. The genius stood up and folded his arms in a waiting position. He was so tired of putting out so much effort for this stupid butterfly that he was willing to listen to whatever Mikey had to say.   
  


Satisfied with finally having someone's attention, the other turtle continued:

"I found an extra gift for Leo." he began enthusiastically " you know, he gave you a weird thing ... something risky to pick up," Mikey continued, scowling briefly, probably remembering the content of the farewell letter Donnie would never read. Mikey took a breath, forcing himself to regain his natural joy. "I thought that Nature stuff might mean something between you and Leo, so maybe you can give him my blue butterfly."

Donnie was beyond words!

"You know the gigantic, brilliant butterfly with the magnificent blue wings?" the young turtle specified.

"I know what kind of butterfly you're talking about,"  Don said, furious. "That’s the butterfly I've been looking for all morning! And since when is it "your" butterfly, Michelangelo!? That set belonged to me, and I hid it so that Raph wouldn’t have a panic attack when he came to my lab."

After looking for the damn insect for more than two hours, to find out that Mikey had had it all along, and even worse that he planned to claim that it was his idea and his butterfly, Donnie trembled with barely-contained rage.

"Woah! Dude! Calm down! You threw it away! Besides, I'm the one who found it in the junkyard. I gave it to you to make you happy. I still kept the two most beautiful ones, though. Orange and blue. Don’t you remember? Leo and I had a big discussion about which one was the most beautiful."

Mikey chattered another moment, but Donnie didn't listen to him. His surprise was spoiled. Leo was going to believe that Donnie was giving him something of Michelangelo’s. Anyway, offering a dead butterfly was a lame idea, he decided. But, the afternoon was nearing its end, and he had no gift to offer his brother. April still hadn’t come back with the leader's answers. He sighed and rested his head in his hands. Why did all of this have to be so complicated?

"Well, I’ve got to go. There’s a lot of things to prepare for my dinner. If you want MY advice, avoid Leo until 7:00 PM, to stoke his desire. Dinner will be ready. Oh, and take a shower. You reek of smoke."

With one last wink, Mikey left the room, leaving Donnie moody and alone. He had so many things to do, and no idea how to catch Leo's interest.

Leo’s idiosyncrasies were mysterious. The genius shook his head. He had postponed the conversation too long. He HAD to know how Raph had seduced Leonardo, and what had caused them to break up. Maybe the hot head would even give him an idea for a gift! He resolved himself to head for the garage.

Fortunately, there was no trace of the leader. Even better, Raph was alone and happily painting the tank of his new motorcycle. Donny frowned. Raphael was covering the bike’s black paint with a layer of a very dark navy  blue, leaving only a few of the original red accents. The blue color was more than familiar.

Bluntly, he asked:

“Why are you painting your bike navy blue?”

The emerald eyes gave him a quick glance, and Raph shrugged, looking nonchalant.

"The black was too dull. I think it looks better this way."

Donnie could barely control his anger.

"Liar! You picked this color to pursue Leo despite our deal!"

Raph, to Donatello’s utmost indignation, didn't even bother to deny. Disinterested, he replied:

"You can't prove I did this for Leo. Try it, and you’ll look even more like a fucking neurotic. I didn't choose my red bandana. Maybe my favorite color is blue ...Who knows?" Raph mocked.

The scientist squeezed his fists and tried to calm down. He had come to get information from Raphael. He must not lose sight of this goal. He took a breath and handed his pack of cigarettes to his brother as a peace offering.

Raph smiled wryly and shook out half the pack.

"What could make your visit worth a cigarette?" he asked after lighting up.

"I came to ask you questions about Leo," Donatello said straightforwardly. Finesse was useless with Raph.

"Oh yeah? Raph replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “I thought you’d been a Leo fanboy for years. Shouldn’t you know all there is to know about old Fearless?"

"That’s enough, Raph. Spill the beans already. How did you manage to make him love you? What happened that you lost him?" The scientist asked, frantically. "These facts are essential data and..."

"You bought the chance to win over Fearless without any competition, at least for a while. I don't have to sell you my memories and secrets.” Raph took a puff. “You’d better hurry. You only have six months until I’m back in the race."

"That wasn't the deal!"

Raph narrowed his eyes with a menacing gleam.

“"If you only wanted advice, you should have asked before the deal. You wanted to put me on the bench. I'm there. Don’t ask me for anything else. You can't complain to Leo if you got tricked. You can't get your damn money back. The only thing you can do is try to take advantage of the time I sold you. If you're done," Raph dismissed Don with scorn in his voice, "I need concentration to paint my baby."

Pale with outrage, Donatello left the garage. Fortunately, he had at least one brother who was on his side. An idea came to him. The blue butterfly was out of the equation, but he still had to get a gift. There was nothing in the lair worthy of Leo. He must go to the surface, to find something new and meaningful. It was still daytime, so the trip would be hazardous. Maybe there wouldn’t be any humans at the junkyard? He must head there quickly. If he was fast, he could find something and possibly even clean and repair it. Without hesitation, Donnie headed into the exit tunnel. 

 

Don walked with hasty strides.” The dump was huge. Finding something of value that would appeal to Leo was going to take time. He had to be back promptly for Mikey's dinner.

Climbing out of the manhole closest to the docks (and therefore the garbage dump), Don took no time for his ordinary precautions and began to search immediately. CDs, DVDs, comics, all these were too common. He had to find something unique for Leo, to show him that the leader had a special place in his heart. After an hour, frustrated to tears, he had to admit he couldn’t find anything. He couldn’t even walk directly under the streetlights. It was even more difficult to find a rare pearl in the dark.

Anxiously, he rechecked the time on his T-phone. 6:35. If he wanted to arrive in time for dinner, he had to find a gift in the next ten minutes. Donatello was logical enough to know that his chances of finding something worthwhile in such a short time were almost nil. In any case, what had he been thinking to come to this gloomy place? As if Leo deserved rejects and broken objects from the garbage. Don held back a howl of frustration. He had wasted more than an hour here.

Had he to go to another place - but where? All his money was online! He only had the $100 bill that April gave him out of his account when he visited so that he could pay the pizza delivery man and use the change for his cigarettes. Anyway, it was not like he could go shopping. Breaking and entering, taking an item, and leaving money on the counter was common for the Hamato family. When they made “purchases” that way, Don always knew what he wanted. He didn’t have to search, so the risk of getting caught was low. 

Was he a genius, yes or no? Donnie had to find a way.

Suddenly, he remembered that Leo had claimed that his starfish came from an Eastern shop. He knew an Asian antique shop near the Guggenheim Museum. It was far away. It would take him nearly an hour to get there and back. He would be late. But he was sure to find a much more dignified object than in a garbage dump. He should have thought of it from the beginning! No longer wasting precious time hating himself for not thinking about it sooner, he rushed back to the sewers.

There was only a brief moment of hesitation before breaking into the store. It was 7:00, and there was still life on the streets this Valentine's night. Don’s uncertainty wasn’t just from the fear of being caught... In this store, there were items priced well over $100, and he knew that if he saw a fabulous expensive article, he would take it. He passed his hand over his forehead, dazzled for a moment. Was he really ready to steal for a single grateful look from the Fearless Leader? Don was inside before answering his own question, lighting his path with the flashlight on his T-phone

He had to be swift. Luckily, he immediately found a beautiful art piece that might please Leonardo. It was an intricately hand-carved jade tiger. By reflex, his eyes fell on the price, and his heart beat faster: $2390! The price was so exaggeratedly high that leaving his $100 would be almost an insult. He turned his gaze away from temptation and searched for another object, but inevitably his returned to the jade tiger. He had lived long enough with Leo to know the meaning of Eastern symbols. The tiger was a symbol of strength and endurance. Donnie had always found a feline appearance in his older brother, with his almond bright eyes, smooth and confident gait, and fierce personality. Jade was well-known to provide a good feeling of harmony and was also used as a protection and good luck charm. Besides, Leo had the color and the hardness of this stone. He couldn’t take anything else. The jade tiger was the only gift worthy of Leo, not to mention excusing his lateness to dinner.

Donnie hesitated. He still couldn’t afford it.

After a last glance at the hour, Donnie hurriedly reasoned that the price was too high and the owner of the store was the real criminal here. Also, he could come back later in the week with more money. If Raph could buy a $7000 bike just for his egotistical pleasure, Donnie could buy a gift for his beloved, even a less expensive one. He was doing this out of love and love was forgivable. 

He didn't think about it any more. There was no time and no choice. If he didn't take the jade piece, he would have nothing to give to Leo. He had already paid to court him for a fixed time. The leader hated lateness. Arriving late to this Valentine's Day dinner had already cost him points. He could not afford to enter empty-handed as well. His decision made, Donnie took the piece of jade in his arms. It was even heavier than he had expected. It had to be nearly 160 pounds. The trip to the lair would be slower than expected with this massive thing. How could he get down the ladder from the manhole to the sewer, holding it? Don set the statue down, contemplating the problem.

Donnie was caught unawares when two men came through the same back door he had used. The genius froze, his eyes wide. It was evident by the guns in their hands that the two men were there to rob the store. They were there to steal precious antiques, just as Don himself had done.

The men were petrified too, speechless from Donnie’s appearance. Then, without any warning, one of them fired.

His arm suddenly burned, but Don had no time for pain. He grabbed his bo, and with a sharp blow, he disarmed the two men. They fled, terrified. Donnie gingerly prodded his wound. He could not afford to bleed here and leave evidence behind. He tied his purple bandana around his bicep as a bandage. Painfully hauling up the tiger, Donatello left the store as discreetly and efficiently as he could.

He slid with difficulty into the first manhole that he found, and ventured down the ladder after closing the cover. Using his wounded arm to hold the bars, Don descended carefully down the ladder. He clutched the jade tiger firmly with his good arm. Every moment was painful. Drops of sweat poured from his forehead into his eyes from the effort. If he dropped the jade tiger, it would smash for sure. After all that he had gone through for the gift, that would be ludicrous.

Don tried to divert his mind from the pain by imagining Leo's rapture at seeing the present. Perhaps the gift would awaken the bedroom tiger in the leader? Don’s thoughts lingered on Leo’s passion when his foot stupidly slipped on one of the middle bars. Protecting the jade tiger the best he could as he fell, Donatello’s head crashed into the concrete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, Donnie won't have amnesia at all.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter that you were waiting for!
> 
> Thanks to How_do_you_do for the beta. ;)  
> picture by NeatTea

 

Don knew where he was before even opening his eyes, from the stiffness of the sheets and the familiar smell of chemicals in his lab. He clenched his eyes shut against a horrible headache, and tried to remember what had happened. Suddenly, a flash of green passed through his memory, and he realized with panic that the statue was no longer in his arms! His eyes flew open and he straightened up to jump out of bed in search of the precious gift. A pair of blue steel eyes pinned him to the cot even more solidly than the hand pressing his plastron.

“Don, stay calm. You had a bad fall, and your arm is injured too,” Leo gently reminded him. Donatello's cheeks reddened as other memories returned to the surface of his consciousness.

He was a thief now, and the honorable Leonardo would spit in his face if he ever learned what Don had done. His remorse flew away as the leader stroked his forehead softly.

The blue eyes fogged up with tears: "Donnie, please don't scare me like that..." the leader begged with an unfamiliar tenderness.

Strangled by emotion, the genius took the leader’s hand and kissed the inside of Leo's wrist.

"I'm sorry, Leo. I never meant to scare you. I just wanted to bring back a Valentine’s present worthy of you."

"It's that what you were holding onto so hard? Donnie...you’re _injured,_ and I assure you I’m not worth any pain. Don...I..." The leader struggled to find the right word, eyes wide. Donnie wiped away Leo’s tear, stirred by the sight of his Fearless Leader in dismay.

"I'm fine, Leo. I promise you. It's just a bump on the head." Don softly explained.

"What are you talking about?” Leo was incredulous. “It isn't just a bump on the head. You have a concussion, I can tell, even if I'm not the family doctor. And you have been shot, Donnie! Tell me what happened!" Leonardo insisted with his commanding voice.

Now Donnie regretted not having figured out a credible story. "Some crackheads in the garbage dump, I confess I do not remember well, I'm a little confused." He stammered, feeling terrible about lying to his brother and knowing that amnesia was a hard story to swallow. Still, anything was better than the dreadful truth.

Leo didn’t pressure him, and Donnie decided to take advantage of this opportunity to entirely deflect the leader's train of thought. "Where did you find me? What happened while I was away or unconscious?" Donatello remembered that April had promised to put in a good word for him, and he wanted to know if the pretty redhead had kept her promise and coaxed the leader’s heart towards him.

The leader lowered his head in shame. "It took a while before we noticed you were missing."

Don nodded stiffly. He remembered very well how Leo had avoided him all day. "Mikey asked about you because he wanted help making dinner. Nobody knew where you had been since Raphael saw you in the garage." Donatello shifted uneasily on his cot. He hoped that Raphael didn't tell Leo _‘Donnie bought yer ass.’_ That hadn’t been Donnie’s intention, really, but coming from Raph's potty mouth it would undoubtedly sound obscene.

For now, the blue-steel eyes still had a soft gleam.

“When we located you with the tracker on our T-Phones...you were...bloody and unconscious on the concrete...and..." The leader sobbed quietly, and Don was amazed. If he had known that some gore would shake Leo that much, Donnie would have faked a wound a long time ago!

He knew that his injuries were superficial, but to a remorseful neophyte like Leo, they must seem impressive. He wiped away the leader’s tears again with a stroke of his thumb. Seeing Leo cry, even over him, was crushing Donnie’s soul.

“At least, do you like your present?” Leo wept harder at this question. “You went very far to get mine…I just wanted to show you that you are special to me.”

Leo’s features twisted, and Don regretted the turn of phrase. Leo must have recalled that he didn't dive for Donnie at all.

“Do you think I even looked at it? I handed it to Mikey and carried you here myself. I cleaned your wound but, you know, maybe you should look at it too. I…” Leo’s voice broke again, and he collapsed onto Donnie’s plastron.

“Leo, please stop crying, I can’t see you broken apart like this,” Don begged, unable to witness so much pain exuding from his beloved eldest brother.

Leo cracked open. "The other night, when we… What happened between us wasn't right, Don. I used you,"  the leader admitted in a quivering voice.

"I know,"  the other turtle replied softly.

Leonardo looked dazed. "If you knew, then why did you let me keep going?"

"Because I love you,"  Donatello said simply.

The leader shook his head.

"No, Donnie. You don't love me. You think you love me ... but Don, you fall in love so quickly. One look at April and you swooned. No, don't interrupt me," he cut in when he saw his brother open his mouth to protest. "You understand science, but you don't understand love. I know that you are a hypersensitive and sentimental turtle, but you have to stop seeing romance everywhere. Love, real love, is much more complicated.”

These platitudes goaded Don into a fury. "Because Raphael's love was so much more substantial?" he snarled, full of gall, satisfied to see the eldest blush.

"No. Not at all," the leader confessed, not daring to deny it. "I think this feeling is more destructive than anything, in our situation. We are a family, no matter what. Our circumstances mean we must always live together. We can't let broken hearts destroy our family bond."

"Leo, please let me talk to you ..."

The leader bowed his head and sighed, avoiding his brother's gaze.

"Don, what you’re saying is only the result of your pain at April’s rejection and the arousal that I provoked. If you knew how shameful I feel when I think about it ... "

Exasperated, Donnie did something he had almost never done with his leader. He lashed out.

"Stop talking as if you had some ancient wisdom, Leo! Mikey can pretend you read our minds, but I know that’s false! I love you. As far back as I can remember it has always been so. I have always sought your attention and looked for excuses to stay with you. You’re attentive and clever. It is impossible that you didn't notice it. You can't deny it! How many times have I slipped into your bed to sleep, without any real reason? I don’t believe you’ve forgotten!"

"But April," the leader tried.

"April was a placebo for my heart. I was afraid to never deserve you. Did she talk with you?"

"Yes, she did, Donnie, but still..."

"I can give you everything you wanted from Raph that he couldn’t offer you,” the scientist whispered tenderly. “I love you, and I only need one chance to make you as happy as you deserve to be. Will you give it to me?"

"I ... I don’t know, Donnie ..." the young leader hesitated. "Maybe I'm the one who won’t make you as happy as you deserve."

Seeing Leo so lost and vulnerable was unique. Donnie was thrilled to elicit such a strong reaction from his brother. He poured all his intelligence into convincing the leader of the integrity and depth of his love. It took all his will to concentrate. In fact, he only wanted to lie back and open his legs for his leader. This situation was serious and required all his attention. He could not be distracted by lust.

"Leo, you could never hurt me. Just to be near you makes me happy. Allow me to prove my worth as a partner. Don't you appreciate anything about me?" he questioned with sorrow.

“No, Donnie, that's wrong. You are an essential part of our team and our family. You are intelligent, loyal, honest, efficient and helpful in all circumstances. Not to mention your immense heart, " Leo explained sincerely. “You are so kind, patient, reliable and generous. I’ve noticed how charming you can be in the last few days. I am convinced that you will be an attentive lover and caring mate for the right person.”

Donatello's heart sank as he heard these words. Leo sounded like he was giving a character reference or filling out a resume, not describing a boyfriend. No matter what he said, Leo didn’t seem to think he was the "right person" for him.

"So," he asked, trying in spite of his pain to remain rational, "you admit that I have a correct personality. It is, therefore, a physical problem. You don’t find me attractive? Is it something in my appearance that puts you off? If it's my missing tooth, I can fill the void! Or am I not muscular enough? I can train more! Or am I clumsy in bed? I've already explained that ... “

Leo made frantic signs of denial. Donatello seemed really unhappy to not appeal to him and Leo was in torment. Scattered images of an unconscious and bloody Donnie were still haunting his mind.

“No, Don! It's none of that. There’s nothing you need to change! You don’t understand!” Leo exclaimed desperately. “I’m no good for you! I messed up with Raph and I almost messed up with you too.”

Donnie placed an olive finger on the jade lips. He had a headache. The room felt dim and humid. Despite his arguments, Leo was finally responding, close enough to hold and touch, and Leo’s scent was so alluring. Words weren’t needed any more, only biology.

"Hush. Or I will find a way to shut you up."  Donnie whispered lustfully.

Blue eyes opened hugely wide at the innuendo.

"Donnie ... I ..." he stammered.

"You asked for it."

Donatello filled the space between them and sealed his brother's lips. Leo's lips barely responded, but they answered all the same and Don was content... for the moment. Leo tasted slightly of alcohol and Donnie concluded that the leader must have drunk sake. That happened only when Leonardo was greatly upset. Donnie’s heart warmed at this proof of Leonardo’s concern.

When he broke the kiss, Donatello stepped back and stared straight into Leo’s eyes. The creature in front of him was too hypnotizing. To his heart, his leader was alight with blue flames drawing him more irresistibly than if he had been a moth.

"Let me take the lead for now " Donatello whispered, bewitched.

He murmured his feelings to Leo as they drew closer together. Donatello’s head throbbed, his arm burned, and yet he was carried away by the fire of passion. Eagerly, he nuzzled Leonardo’s cheek and squeezed his hands with desperate longing. Leo’s breath was warm, tickling him in a pleasurable way.

“Listen, my love...I sneaked out of the lair because there was nothing here precious enough for you. The gift had to show how unique you are to me. You are so amazing Leo…I chose you a jade tiger because I feel like prey in front of you. I know that you may the end of me, but I can’t turn my eyes away,” Each sentence was punctuated by a gentle kiss trailing up the leader’s jaw. “Because you are so beautiful, Leo. Magnificent. Gorgeous. I don’t have the words. Breathtaking. So strong, and the jade of the stone is dull compared to your skin. You are…”  
  
His words seemed to do a number on Leo’s hesitant demeanor. Or maybe it was only because the dom in Leo could not bear that Donatello takes the lead. Don watched a shiver run through the leader, leaving behind a strange new resolve. He couldn’t finish his confession before Leonardo’s arms closed around him and the jade lips fixed onto his own. The kiss was passionate but brief, and Leo pushed him brutally onto the cot with an impressive growl. Fascinated by the change in his leader and elated at this sudden turn of events, the scientist fell onto his shell without a word.

  
"Enough talking, Donatello.” His brother's voice was low and hoarse with desire. There was absolutely nothing left of the usually controlled leader in blue or the distressed big brother from ten minutes before. The blue-steel eyes cut Donatello as sharply as a blade. They were as hard and cold and predatory as the jade tiger had been. He felt his whole soul twisting and knotting within that look, binding him for life to the turtle in front of him. This hunter whom he had invited to attack surveyed his captured prey with reverent hunger. Don let himself be molested with breathless joy. He only uttered a strangled cry of ecstasy when Leo fiercely bit down on his collarbone.

  
Don felt weak and warm as Leo's hands roamed his body like a new owner examining his purchase. Leo’s bites seared his skin over and over, and Leo soothed the burning with his tongue. Don knew from textbooks that the mating of two turtles could be wild, but he was fearless in his study of the mutant turtle species. He wanted everything Leo could give.

As Leo's daring hands pulled Don’s cock out of his slit, the leader asked in a husky voice:

  
“Who do you belong to, Donatello?”  
  
"To you, to you forever," the scientist panted, frenziedly plunging himself into the clever fingers that held him so firmly. An answer had never felt so right before. The question was answered before Leo gave him the choice.

"That's what we'll see," the dominant turtle answered in a rumble. “You don’t know what you have signed up for.”  
It seemed almost a vague threat. Donnie didn’t care, too caught up in the moment, shivering in anticipation.  
  
The leader worked his way down Donatello’s body. Leo’s weight on his plastron was indistinct compared to the razor-sharp intensity of Leo’s breath on his cock. Don’s toes curled in pleasure as Leo’s tongue swirled around him and pulled the tender flesh fully into his mouth.

  
One of Leo's fingers began to creep inside him. Donnie tensed at the sudden pain of the rough and dry intrusion. "I can’t hold back," the leader apologized, though he didn’t seem so sorry. “You'll have to hang on.”

  
Working with his fingers, softening Don’s muscles to ease the coming penetration, Leo seemed to have one last flash of reason in a mind totally darkened by lust. He groaned as he forced his hands still. "Are you sure you want this, Donnie? We can’t turn back once we’ve started. I can’t promise you anything for the future. You should know that I’m a possessive and demanding lover. And I love it rough.”

  
Donnie felt the wetness of his brother’s hard length press against him intimately. He had never wanted anything so much in his life. It didn’t matter what would happen next. Nothing mattered more than that hot and firm sex against his skin.  
  
"Yes," he cried, his voice trembling with desire.  
  
“You wanted it,” the leader moaned as he sank his sex into Donnie. In a smooth motion, Leo buried himself in the inside of his brother to the hilt. Donatello opened his mouth in a silent scream.

Donatello felt split open, torn in all directions, more filled than was logically possible. The burning sensation was so intense that he thought he would never be able to sit down again or even move normally.  
  
“Breathe,” Leo commanded him. The beloved voice was soft and firm. “If you relax, you will have less pain. Trust me.”  
  
Donnie did as Leonardo told him. Obeying his leader was an integral part of his nature, even more so in this circumstance. He had only to follow instructions. It was as easy as reading the manual to repair the toaster, and so much more enjoyable. Plus, Leo was right. The pain was giving way to a pleasant type of heat. Leo must have really lost control because he paid no attention to Donnie’s wounded arm and concussion. Donatello couldn’t care less. He would let Leo fuck him on his deathbed.  
  
Suddenly, the leader jolted something in him that made Donnie twist and scream with pleasure.  
  
“You see?”  Leo asked rhetorically. “I was right.” and proved his point with another powerful thrust. As if to put more weight on his words, the katana bearer targeted the same point in Donnie’s body over and over without stopping, driving all other sensations out of the turtle’s mind.

  
Donatello could no longer formulate a single coherent thought. His brain had been reduced to ashes. He could not answer Leo with anything but groans and inarticulate cries. In any case, he didn’t really listen to what the leader was telling him, something about Don being tight and feeling amazing... The praise burned him to the core, adding fuel to his senses, already so inflamed. Leonardo's grip was relentless. It was brutal and claiming and Donnie adored all of it.

Even the simple caresses that Leo lavished on him between each embrace seemed so fiery, so consuming, that it seemed to Donatello their mating had lasted a whole lifetime. They lost track of time together. Sometimes when he closed his eyes, he felt like a dreamer caught in an erotic vision, awakened by inquisitive hands.

The dream became darker as Donatello’s body began to protest the rough usage. He struggled within Leo’s arms, whining with need. He must have his release now. Don thrust up against Leo’s surging body, a flame within a bonfire. He felt his muscles convulse violently. His vision seared white in spontaneous combustion.

Some time later, when Mikey entered carrying a tray with two mugs and two glasses of water, he twisted his nose at the stink of sex and pheromones. "Do I smell what I think I smell?" the youngest asked with a sly grin. "Is make-up sex is as great as people say?"

Leonardo passed out on Donnie, looked up. A blush spread across his cheeks when his eyes met Donatello's. The genius’s heart contracted anxiously for a moment, fearing that Leo regretted their night of passion. "Yes, it was." the leader replied in a hoarse voice, accepting the glass of water as if he had been in the desert. “I’m going to shower, now. Stay with Donnie and do what he asks.” the leader instructed, still flustered and looking everywhere except at his two brothers.

Before Leonardo disappeared, while Donnie’s heart was still pounding and his mind full of questions, Mikey grinned like a schoolgirl.

“So you guys are really together?”

There was a terrifying ten seconds of silence. Leo, his hand on the doorknob, was motionless. He turned his head slightly to look at his brothers. Donnie was about to lose his mind if Leo wouldn’t speak NOW.

“Yes.” he answered simply, leaving the laboratory and a blissful Donatello.

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta by How do you do
> 
> Do you saw NeatTea picture of the last chapter?

"So..." Mikey wanted to know, handing Donnie his favorite mug. "How is the Fearless Leader in the bedroom? Still bossy and demanding?"

He could if he wanted to, answer his youngest brother’s question. He had had sex with Leo - complete intercourse. He wasn't a virgin anymore, he told himself in amazement. He still had Leo's scent on him, and he could see the leader' semen glisten as it leaked on the inside of his thighs. A thrill went through him. Despite all the excitation bubbling inside him, Donnie replied in a stern voice. "I don't kiss and tell, Mikey."

Mikey grinned. "I bet he is. Just a look at your face tells a lot, bro. I always knew that Leo must be a great lay."

The comment snapped Donatello out of his blissful state. "What do you mean?!” he asked in a flat voice.

Mikey shrugged, clapping a hand on Don's shoulder. "You know… he must have stamina with all that continuous training of his. And he has a pair of powerful thighs. He is quite sexy, too." he concluded, suggestively wiggling his eyebrows.

Donatello's breath froze in his chest as he replayed the words in his head. His hand stopped midway as he raised his mug for a sip of coffee. How Mikey dare make such appreciative remarks about Donnie's mate?

"He is not yours to stare at!" Donnie hissed, baring his teeth. "Look away from his thighs from now on."

Mikey snickered:

"Jealous much? Well, who would guess you have that in you! Relax, D, I was only messing with you."

Donatello forced himself to calm down. It was just some of Michelangelo’s silly talk. Nothing to worry about. And today wasn't a day to have darkened thought. He and Leo were now a real item. It wasn't just faked to save Donnie's face and drive Raph mad with jealousy. It was real. Well, at least he could tell that Leo's cock slamming into him was real. He would feel the stretch and burn all day, for sure.

“I was just wondering if you wanted to have a special honeymoon breakfast since you missed my dinner yesterday? By the way, where did you find this jade tiger? Is that what you got shot for?”

Bad memories flooded Donatello’s mind like a cold shower on his horny thoughts as Mikey reminded him what he had done.

“At the junkyard,” he said icily.

Mikey frowned at that.

“Weird. The price tag was still on the bottom. It doesn’t look at all like the kind of stuff you throw away.”

“Did you just accuse me of lying, Michelangelo? I was at the dump to find Leo a gift, found it, and got shot by some small-time criminal. That is it!” Donnie insisted.

“Take a chill pill, dude! I didn’t imply that you were lying! Calm down! Geez! Getting laid didn’t loosen you up!” Mikey tried to explain. “So, you want your pancakes or not?”

“It’s already the morning?” Donnie wondered, looking at the mural clock.

“Yeah. You’ve been in your lab since we brought you here, yesterday around 9:00 PM. Leo carried you in, and Raph helped him take care of your wound.”

Donnie looked up, surprised. That Raphael had helped to heal him was unexpected. Their relationship, once stable, had chaotic since the day Donnie wrecked it by pretending to court Leonardo. Now that Donnie had succeeded, he was expecting bitterness from the hot head.

“I made some passion fruit syrup. Leo loves fruit. He’ll be happy. And you know the saying: Happy mate, happy... well, there are no rhymes with mate, but you know what I mean.” Mikey winked.

Donatello tried to get up, but the throbbing pain in his lower back made him wince.

“Take it easy, bro.” Mikey said, helping him. ”Leo’s love seems to burn.” he joked.

Donatello sighed internally. He knew that the joking would go on for a while. At least until Mikey got used to his brothers’ new relationship and got bored. But it was indeed true that he was hungry.

“Thank you, Mikey. I will take a shower too, and afterward, I’m looking forward to your breakfast.”

“In a hurry to catch your boyfriend in the showers?” Mikey smiled. “Maybe you should take a look at your arm, bro. You were in pretty bad shape yesterday.”

Donatello looked down at his bandaged arm. Although he liked the smell of the leader on him, a shower was mandatory. He had to change the bandage too, this one was drenched with sweat after their all-night-long lovemaking.

It was with a slightly unbalanced step that Donnie walked through the lair. Leo was right about him having a concussion. He felt nauseated despite his hunger, but happiness was stronger. He needed to be near his new lover to be assured that all of this had really happened. Of course, he knows that he’d had his brains fucked out. But he wanted to be sure that Leo was okay with this too. After such a passionate night, he wouldn’t be able to bear Leo backing down.

He was hopeful. Leo wasn’t a one-night kind of person, even if he had drunk sake. And the leader had told Mikey that they were together. His entire body was covered in bites. Leo could not deny what had occurred between them. Smiling, he opened the bathroom door and bumped into Leonardo himself.

“Donnie? What are you doing up? You need rest.” the leader protested in a worried tone. “You shouldn’t be walking alone.”

The concern apparent in Leo’s voice made Donnie’s smile grew bigger. Leo cared for him. Donatello needed to be straightforward and to the point, to drown the last bit of his worries.

“I’m not alone, Leo. You are here. I needed to wash and wanted to be near you, before meeting our friends and family.” he explained.

Leo flushed but didn’t break eye contact, the scientist noticed with satisfaction.

“Of course. We will have time for that later. Right now, the most urgent thing is to let Raphael know that you are alright. He was so anxious for you.”

Donatello didn’t like the sweet inflection that the leader put on Raph’s name, but he didn’t want to argue.

“Still, if I leave you alone, and then you become dizzy and collapse on the bathroom tiles, I’d be a terrible boyfriend. I will help you wash. Anyway, I’m responsible for of all this mess,” Leo said as the leader’s eyes took a dreamy gleam. No, Donnie had no reason to worry. Leo didn’t seem remorseful or in denial about what they had done in the lab.

Donatello let himself being gently dragged under the hot spray of the shower. Leo began to wash him with great care, as though he were worshipping Don’s body. The genius had always considered the expression “tears of happiness” to be exaggerated nonsense, but now his eyes were clouded by blissful tears.

“Did I hurt you?” the leader asked and Donnie shook his head, unable to speak, caught in an overwhelming feeling.

“My sweet Donnie.” Leo sighed, his beak almost touching the other turtle's collarbone, “I’ll never deliberately hurt you.” he said, before letting a long, thrilling churr. Donnie tipped his head back, gripping the ridge of Leo’s shell almost in despair. Leo pressed his lips to Don’s and the genius moaned in the kiss.

They slid wetly against each other. Their hips began rocking and their plastrons rubbing, sending currents of pleasure and lust rushing through them.

“Get a fucking room!”

All actions froze, and startled, both turtles looked at Raphael who had just made his appearance.

Leo frowned, despite being taken aback by Raph’s aggressive display.

“Do you mind? You knew that we were in the shower. If you don’t want to see us showing affection toward each other, you could just have waited or...take a shower at Casey’s.” he said, visibly annoyed by the interruption.

Raph growled and his eyes were flashing with anger. Leo had a similar stance. Donatello had witnessed this kind of behavior between his eldest brothers many times before. They were about to have a fight.

Don might be narrow and slender, but that didn’t prevent him from feeling protectiveness towards his lover. His peace-keeper’s instinct led him right in between the two.

“Raph is right, Leo. Maybe we should keep our...love, for our room. The whole family uses the shower.”

Leo looked at him with such tenderness that Don’s breath caught in his throat.

“You are so caring, Donnie,” he said in a soft voice, stroking gently the other turtle’s biceps. “You’re right. That can wait until we are alone.”

With the same sincerity and gentleness, Leo stroked him with a towel, wiping down the wet turtle with care.

Raph was still there, and Donnie felt the eyes of his other brother burning holes in his shell.

They didn’t see Raphael all day. Leo had canceled practice for the sake of Donnie’s  well-being. The leader didn’t even check Raph’s room, spending the day doting on Don.

Donatello was living in a daydream. Leo was always near him, helping him with his bandages, taking care of him... maybe even a little too much, but Donatello wasn’t complaining. After Leonardo’s cold attitude, this was Paradise.  He only intervened when

Leo tried to brew coffee for him. The leader had a bad habit of making appliances self-combust just by looking at them. Don was stirred by the attention.

Leo changed his routine to spend time with him in the lab, asking what his new projects were for, trying his best to understand the upgrades to MetalHead and the ShellRaiser.

“You’re such a genius, Donnie. What would we do without you? You keep us safe, healthy and efficient.” Leo praised, taking Donnie closely in his arms for a kiss. “I know that without you, I wouldn’t be the leader that I am, or the happy turtle that I am, either. Why I don't notice it before? You're so perfect. ”

Leonardo slipped his hand past the ridge of Donnie’s shell and boldly stroked the genius’s tail.

“The lab isn’t for family, isn’t it? It’s your own workplace.” Leo asked rhetorically, looking thoughtfully around the room. Then the voice became seductive: “Bend over.”

Thrilled, Donnie obeyed. An irrelevant thought about April flashed through his mind. The girl would never be able to satisfy him as Leo did. Listening to Leo’s orders, outside of the battlefield, was as much a release for his overthinking brain as his greedy body.

Leo had stamina, Mikey was right about that, and he was rough and demanding. The leader’s solicitous personality afterward was greatly caring, massaging analgesic cream on Donnie with sweet words. Don didn’t mind the bites and the bruises. It was natural between turtles in the wild. He was happy with the attention and all the loving that Leo displayed after the hardcore sex.

Donnie saw Raph only just after dinner, having forgotten all about him in his blissful mind.. The red turtle must have been hungry, and by sheer bad luck walked into the kitchen while Mikey and Leo were in the living room, and Don was alone there looking for a glass of water to swallow a painkiller. The sight of Raphael, his amber eyes glowing in the dark, seized him in place for a moment, but Don continued his path toward the sink anyway.

“So, did you get your money’s worth?” Raph spat.

Don became livid. He had a headache and doesn’t feel at all like having an argument, but Raph KNEW. After such a beautiful day, he didn’t want his dream cut short.

“What do you mean?” he asked, flatly.

Raph took one step closer, threatening.

“I asked ya how it was with yer slut. Ya paid for a bitch. Mine. Did you give him the money shot?”

Alcoholic breath came to Donnie’s nose and the genius knew that Raphael had spent the day hiding in his room, drinking his stash. That wasn’t his main concern. Leo, HIS Leo, had been insulted.

“He isn’t a bitch! How dare you call him that! He loved you! You broke his heart. If you cared him for even one day, you should be happy that he is now over it and with an attentive mate.”

Raph took another step, lowering his head almost beak to beak with Donatello.

“Yer a clever son of a bitch Donatello. But I didn’t know you could take cheap shots”.

Donnie raised an eyes ridge. Bourbon was talking, not Raphael. Even if he didn’t mind being insulted, it was becoming annoying.

“Don’t be a sore loser, Raph.”

Raphael narrowed his amber eyes.

“Fuck. You. Fearless wouldn’t let ya touch him with a barge pole before, but ya go get shot, so he has to play hero. Yer a snake to bite his only weak spot! Fuck you, Donnie. Yer not ma bro, anymore.” he snapped.

Raph's accent was thick and slow from the alcohol. Donnie knew that Raph didn’t mean these words really, that it was hard liquor, jealousy, and anger, but still, they hurt.

Raph snatched his bike key from its hook and shoved Don with his shoulder as he passed. It took a moment for Donnie to came out of his stupor and run to catch his brother.

“Raph! You can’t ride in this state! You’re not just drunk, you’re plastered!”

The hot head broke free.

“Don’t tell me what to do” he slurred. “Yer not my leader. Ya should have bled out yesterday. Anyway, yer dead ta me.”

Shocked by the venomous comment, Donnie let Raph go.

Dizziness took him and in a slow pace, he returned to the living-room to sit stiffly next to Leo, under a soft blanket. The leader took him in his arms, nuzzling him, and rubbing his shoulder.

“I heard the garage door. Did you see Raph?”

“Yeah,” Donnie stammered: “ He went to take a ride.”

“Oh. It would do some good for his sore mood for sure.” Leo replied idly. The hand of the leader slid from Donnie’s shoulder to his crotch, hiding by the blanket, palming his slit.

“I can’t wait to be alone with you” Leo whispered in his ear, circling Don’s slit with his finger.

Under these ministrations, Donnie’s cock dropped down into Leonardo’s waiting hand to be rewarded with strokes. “My Donnie.” the leader breathed, kissing him in front of a cheerful Mikey, while the jade hand was more active under the blanket.

Raph was forgotten.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta How do you do  
> Picture: Momorawrr

After a delightful evening, they were making love for the second time in a row when Leo's T-Phone rang.

"Don't answer!" Donnie pleaded, already so close, again. Feeling his lover moving into him was so good, he didn't want it to stop. Leo was moaning him so many sweet nothings. The leader had even wholeheartedly told him, “I love you Donnie, and I have been stupid to don’t see how much you were precious and made for me. You are my other half. My soulmate” While they made love, Don's eyes fell on the jade tiger. Leo had put it among his most cherished belongings, well lit and prominent in the room. Donnie's heart warmed at the thought that Leo loved his present and that Donnie was important to the leader by extension. It was worth being shot at.

It must never stop.

"Maybe it’s an emergency," Leo had replied, pulling his cock out of Donnie's body, to the genius’ great frustration.

Indeed, it was an emergency. The leader, livid, put the speakerphone on mid-conversation.

It was April, panicking through the phone. Raph had just crashed his new blue bike. A criminal to chase, a slippery roadway, and suddenly Raph's baby had come to an abrupt end against a concrete wall. Casey had managed to bring him to her apartment before the cops arrived.

Leo had changed his passionate lover's mask immediately into the Fearless Leader's mask. He  had hung up and harshly ordered:

"Get up, Donnie, and bring your first-aid kit with you."

Leo had woken Mikey up, and the leader ad nervously stepped into the Battle Shell. "Hurry up, Don," Leo had ordered in a peremptory tone.

Donnie hadn't even argued or slowed down on purpose. Leo was right to be worried. Guilt was devouring Donatello, and he fumbled looking for his first-aid kit. He should not have let Raph leave the lair so wasted. He knew it. The hateful words were only words when Raph was hurt for real. When Leo would eventually realize that Don had let Raph ride drunk, the leader would be so displeased with him. After having seen Leo’s tender gaze, he couldn't bear the polar ice eyes again. But this wasn’t about him for now, but about Raph, and he must hurry to neither piss off Leo nor endanger Raphael’s life.

At April's place, they found an unconscious and bloody Raphael, In a wink, Leo had been all over him, and unease filled Donatello.

"What happened?" the leader pressed to Casey, who repeated the same story about Raph playing vigilante, slipping on the melted snow and then - a wall.

Leo’s features melted in sorrow and the blue look became warmer.

“Raph” he whispered, in the same tone that he had used with Donnie earlier, the scientist noted with a stab of jealousy. He understood that Leo was feeling remorseful to have not cared when Raph ran away. Maybe, when he himself had been unconscious and bleeding in the sewer, holding a jade tiger, Leo had worn the same look.

They dragged Raph into the truck, and then to Donnie's lab.

It had been five days.

And all that time, Leonardo never left Raphael’s bedside.

For sure, if the motorcycle was in pieces, Raph was no better: a concussion, four broken ribs, his left arm dislocated from the shoulder. A big dramatic scratch on his face that would scar for sure.

The impact was almost deadly.

Leo had stayed at Raph’s bedside.

Donatello was at first very concerned about his brother's condition, spending several hours of the night dealing with his wounds.

But then, too much was too much.

Leonardo never once left his bedside!

Donatello ground his teeth. There had been nothing intimate between them for 116 hours, not even a kiss on the cheek or a mere “I love you,” and the scientist was beginning to feel the exasperation growing within him to the point of overload. It was even worse than before Leo had returned his love. He was ignored as if he was transparent.

He understood that Leonardo, as the leader and eldest, had to be concerned about the state of his second-in-command and brother.

It remained that Raphael was only a lieutenant of Leonardo just like his little brother. And an EX-lover.

Of which fact Leo seemed to have lost sight.

Donnie was his mate, his current lover, his soul mate. Leo himself had confessed that. How could Leonardo forget the sweet time they had spent together? That the katana bearer remained at the bedside of Raph the first few hours could pass without notice. For the first 24 hours, Donnie had been patient and considerate for Leo and a consummate physician for Raph. But now that he had declared the hot head out of danger, Leonardo should have gone back to other priorities, like their relationship.  

They had had such a great moment, the day before Raph's accident when Leo had admitted loving him and being happy with him. So, he should forget Raph at least a couple of hours. Donnie didn’t ask the leader to not care about Raphael’s health. Just to back off a little bit, and at least sleep or shower with him or just hold his hand a couple of minutes a day! Mikey could watch Raph for ten minutes alone  He had already said so to his lover, many times! Did Leo no longer trust his medical judgment? He had insisted that Raph only needed rest and that it was useless to watch him with such persistent stubbornness. It had been vain.

Leo never left Raph’s bedside, even if the red-caped turtle was stable and healing, while Donnie was feeling so lonely.

He couldn’t tell whether it was just a jealous suspicion that Raph adored monopolizing the leader's attention by feigning pain and disability, and also stretching his recovery time to keep Leo returning to his bedside.

And he remembered very well their last conversation, not being plastered as Raph had been.

_"Fearless wouldn’t let ya touch him with a barge pole before, but ya go get shot, so he has to play hero. Yer a snake to bite his only weak spot! "_

Had Raph crashed on purpose? To use Leo’s weakness, too? It's was crazy! He refused to think about that, but, still...

Leonardo never left Raphael’s bedside.

It had to stop. Leo was **his** , he hissed internally, watching Leonardo squeezing Raphael’s hands like a lifeline, his gorgeous blues eyes expressing so much care, so much lo…

No! That can’t happen!

He had won Leo in fair play, and the agreement could not be invalid on the pretext that the bike was "kaput". Hey, it wasn’t Donnie's fault that Raph was taking insane risks, driving dead-drunk his motorcycle. If he had been more careful, the bike would be intact in the garage and him, uninjured in his hammock. He could not blame Donatello for his accident and punish him by trying to take Leo away from him.

He took a deep breath so that his boyfriend didn't perceive his frustration too much.

"Leo, Mikey is asking for you. He needs help to clean his room. He lost an action figure, or I don't know what. I told him I couldn't help him because my presence here is medically necessary.

The implication was obvious. Donnie had not even tried to be subtle. Subtlety was five exits away, now. He had been telling his brother for four days that his constant presence wasn’t required and also inappropriate. Since Raph didn't seem at all bothered by his presence, Leo had taken advantage of it to stay. Raphael needed him and it was his duty.

It wasn't even a lie. The turtle with the orange bandana kept whining and asking for attention. Donatello had firmly stated that he had no time to give him, let alone play French-maid to clean his hazardous room. He had therefore pretended that Raph's condition required regular care to avoid this burden. In fact, if Donatello himself hardly moved from the infirmary, it was more to keep a hawk eye on Leo and Raph. He didn’t even go away to smoke in secret, despite his desperate need for nicotine to calm his nerves.

It wasn't that he didn't trust his beloved... it was only prudence. Leo could be so innocent sometimes. And Raph, so insistent. It seemed to him that Raphael was devouring Leo alive with his eyes and that was dangerously boiling his blood. How dare he! Raph allowed himself to gaze at his lover, as if he, Donnie, wasn't even in the same room. The worst moment was when Raphael had asked Leo to apply his medicated cream, the doctor's hands being too rough for his taste.

What a sneaky bastard!

Worst of all, Donnie had been forced to bite his tongue in silence and watch Leo playing the devoted nurse for his ex-lover.

Poor Leonardo didn't even realize that Raphael, the big perv, only wanted to enjoy Leo rubbing him.

He had watched the former couple closely, even demanding that he take his meals with his two older brothers. The complaints of the youngest about being alone all the time had fallen on deaf ears.

Mikey had many reasons to feel lonely. It was Donnie's final maneuver, using another brother as a lever to pull the rock that had become the turtle in blue. The leader finally stood up.

"I'm coming back, Raph," he promised.

As soon as Leo turned his back, Raphael closed his eyes, as if there was nothing else worth watching. The scientist waited to be sure that Leo was out of the lab and that the door closed behind him to attack. Raphael pretended to be sleeping, but that didn't stop Don.

"What do you think you are doing? Leo is mine!" Donnie hissed, irritated.

The amber eyes opened immediately, too bright a glow in the eye for someone supposedly weakened. He knew it! Raph was severely injured, but most of his pitiful state and all his painful grimaces were faked.

"What you mean?" the hot head grumbled.

"Drop your act, already," Donnie retorted. "You know what I'm talking about! You left me Leo in exchange for money for the bike. Our agreement didn’t last the lifetime of your machine, Raph! I had six months to conquer Leo's heart, and now that it's done, you can't go back into the race. You stay on the bench. And, even more, since Leo and I are together, you must withdraw," he hammered firmly as a conclusion.

"Oh yeah? Six months, three months, one week, who cares? You didn't win Leo's love, and you'll never get it. I should have never accepted your deal, to begin with. You only had Fearless 's attention because you had been hurt."

"So you managed to get hurt too? What a twisted scheme, Raph!", Donnie shouted.

"I didn't! I ain’t a neurotic like you! My brakes stuck! And now that I'm thinking about that, who is the most likely person to have tampered with my brakes?" Raph snarled.

The unexpected accusation took aback Donnie. "Are you crazy, Raph? I would never gamble with your life like that," he said, his big hazelnut eyes opened wide.

"Whatever," the bedridden turtle grunted, his face suspicious. "Leo would be unhappy with ya. I saw how different he is now. Anyway, you guys aren’t together, yet. Fearless was curious, that's all. Yer just a virgin nerd."

"Unhappy," Donnie repeated, outraged, not bothering to react about the " virgin nerd insult. "You don't even know what you're talking about." he bit out scornfully, "You've never even made yourself happy. If you think Leo is different with me, that only proves my point. Get it through that thick skull of yours that WE are together, Leo and I. He told me so and he SHOWS me too.” he said, folding his arms with a scowl.

With equal condescension, Raph calmly declared:

"Just wait for me to heal, Donnie. You’ll see what happy Fearless looks like, and that yer just like one of yer own failed experiments."

Don was going to answer when the door of the lab swung open, and Michelangelo appeared to snatch up Leo's tanto and use it to begin picking off the chewing gum between two figurines. Shivering with cold rage, swallowing his exclamations of fury,

Donnie turned his back on the convalescent turtle and tugging the knife away from his brother.

It wasn't going to happen like that. He would not let Raph knock Leo out of his hand, using the same trick that he thinks Donnie had used. It had been enough trouble to conquer Leo already. He had only felt that sweetness with him for a so short-lived 24 hours, and it had been the most exultant day of his life. The leader had told Don that he loved him. After this sample of Leo as lover and boyfriend, he couldn’t go back to being only a brother again and let go of sharing such intimacy and sweet moments.

Leaving the laboratory, his tasks complete, Don extinguished all the lights despite the insulting protests of the turtle trapped in the cot. He walked to his and Leo’s room, hoping that maybe this night the leader would stay in bed with him.

The comforting and sweet thought of a Leo sleeping beside him was quickly dismissed by the memory of the confrontation he had just had with Raphael.This pretentious brute thought to rob him of Leonardo's heart as soon as he was healed? For that, he would first have to heal, he thought, an evil smile stretching his face.

_"You think you can heal and take Leo away from me and I can't do a damn thing about because I'm a nerd? Just watch me!"_

* * *

 

“Is it necessary Donatello?” Leo asked, the next day, vaguely disapproving. “Until now, we’ve never needed morphine after an injury.”

Donnie evaded the question while preparing the injection:

“We have rarely had to deal with so many injuries at the same time. It must be excruciating for Raphael. Isn’t it, Raph? That's what you said a quarter of an hour ago, right? You’re in pain?”

The wounded turtled nodded slightly. The scientist turned to Leonardo, with a serious and professional expression. "You see? "

Seeing that his lover was still pouting, Donnie sighed.

"It doesn’t please me any more than you, Leo, I assure you, but it is for Raphael’s sake.”

Donatello had spent a solitary night weighing all the possibilities, while Leo slept in the lab. He had to disqualify Raphael, to discredit him forever in the eyes of his boyfriend. Leonardo hadn’t been with him long enough to be sure that Leo wouldn’t change his mind. He had finally devised a plan so Machiavellian that he scared himself.

"What kind of monster have you become, Donnie?” he asked himself. Using his medical knowledge to make Raph dependent on morphine to wreck his scheme, was diabolical. It went against all his precepts. Donnie might say to himself that he did it out of love, and that love excuses everything, but he could not fully convince himself.

He would not do it. He would find something else, something more morally acceptable. Talk to Leo. Talk to Raph.

He could not do something as dreadful as voluntarily making his brother addicted to a hard drug, only because he, Donnie, was dependent on the potent caresses of their big brother.

He would not do it, he repeated to himself.

And yet the vision that presented itself to his eyes as soon as he entered his lab at 6:30 convinced him.

Leonardo was still at Raphael’s side.

His decision was made. To hell with ethics. The top priority was his relationship with Leonardo. Raphael was collateral damage, as always happened in times of war.

Childishly, to exonerate himself, Donnie clung to the idea that Raph had started this fight.

After asking some common questions and listening to Raph answer that he “suffered horribly", of course, to generate the sympathy in those big blue eyes, he had mechanically headed to his little pharmacy to draw morphine from the little bottle he kept there, in the event that it was necessary. He had always sworn to keep this opiate only in case of extreme need. The brothers had often been injured in their long life of fighting. None, not even Michelangelo, had complained enough to use morphine to relieve the pain. This must be one of those extreme cases. Not for his brother, though. It was not Raph who suffered the most between the two of them, Donnie decided.

He tried to put the conscious part of his brain to sleep, but could not do it entirely. He kept repeating himself, trying to diminish his suffocating feeling of guilt:

_"Raph, in spite of everything, is really suffering. This will relieve his pain.”_

_"Maybe it will not work."_

_"If it works and Leo turns away from him, Raphael will detox so painfully hard that it will lose you all the ground you gain."_

Donnie only needed Raph to stay out of the game a little longer. Just a few weeks, the time that Leonardo learns to appreciate him better, and become endeared to the genius.

In a voice he didn’t recognize, Donatello explained how the medicine worked to his patient.

“Do you see this drip, Raph? It is connected to this remote control. When the pain is unbearable, you press this button.”

Leo frowned again.

"Wouldn't it be more appropriate to give him one or two injections a day? Raph should not take it too much, right?”

Donatello took his most detached air:

“Don’t you trust Raph AND me, Leo? I have faith in Raphael's willpower.”

Donatello knew that it would be easy to point out how all of this was pure bullshit. Raph was an alcoholic since he was thirteen, and a big smoker too, even if Leo denied it. Raph had never had control of intoxicant.

The leader hesitated, but when he saw the painful tension in Raphael’s face relax, as the effects of the injection began to be felt, he seemed relieved.

“You are right Donnie. You are our doctor, and I trust Raphael.”

 

The leader's smile glowed with sincerity. Although he wasn’t sure if that smile was meant for him or his brother, Don felt like throwing up.The stress, undoubtedly combined with the lack of sleep, made him dizzy. Maybe he was still under the effects of his concussion.

“Excuse me,” he said, rushing out of the lab. Nauseated, he quickly passed through the kitchen, without stopping, and as soon as he was out of sight he rushed to the bathroom to puke. After emptying all the bile in his body, Donnie looked at himself in the mirror. It seemed to him that his crime was part of his features. He found a wicked and cruel look on his face, and his eyes, with their reddish gleam, appeared evil. He felt nauseated again.

He hated himself.

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta by How_do_you_do

Donatello mechanically opened his cigarette pack once he knew he was far enough away that the smell wouldn't reach the lair. Every day now, he took endless walks in the tunnels, smoking.

Raph’s dosage had increased. In fact, Don had made sure that with each push of the button a larger stream of morphine poured into Raphael's veins. That very evening, the wounded turtle had had his first hallucination:

"Fearless, watch out!" he had yelled, gesturing to pull the leader toward the bed, protecting him from a threat. Raphael babbled about Karai riding a giant iron-clad cockroach that spat liquid fire. Hearing this nonsense, Leo's soft blue eyes dimmed and he had tenderly tried to reassure the bedridden turtle. Leonardo saw that his words were useless to calm Raphael down, and that Raph was beset by other hallucinations. Unable to suffer the spectacle, he had left Raphael in the hands of Donatello, the "specialist."

The specialist wasn't in any better shape than his patient. He couldn’t bear Raph’s stoned smile, telling Don how great a physician and a good brother he was. Guilt and self-loathing weren’t strong enough words to describe how much he felt like a scumbag bastard.

Each time he could sneak away now, Donatello was hiding his shame in a sewer tunnel, smoking and puking his guts out right after.

Raph had been on morphine for a week now, and the scientist' scheme was well on its way. Eyes blurred with tears, thinking about Raph’s state, he lit a cigarette, his fingers trembling as he strode along.

Raphael.

Donnie took a long drag, hoping that the smoke would stifle the remorse that continually tortured him as he thought of this brother. Raphael was the reason for the scientist’s aimless walks, sudden escapes from the lab where the turtle was still bedridden, but too high to complain about his wound anymore.

Must Leo's love be won at this high cost?  Donnie had vowed to never use his intelligence for an evil purpose. And what he did he do? Gamble with his brother's health. All the time, Donnie was haunted by the sins he committed in the last weeks, in the name of love. All of this mess had begun with a pitiful lie, and then he bought Leo like a breeding stallion, and afterwards, he stole, and now it was at the point of poisoning his brother to keep Leo's attention. Where would Donatello stop? Would he put anthrax in the ventilation to kill everybody? Nausea retook him. Donnie cramped and vomited on the concrete floor.

If one day Leo knew about it, the leader would hate him.

He must stop all of it. Everything,

But he had already paid so damn much, putting in everything he had, every ace of spades hidden in his lab coat sleeve. He couldn’t leave the table now. He would lose the game.

And Leo...

He remembered Leo softly tucking Raph in under the cot blanket, and how he stroked the hothead’s face when the leader helped him to drink water.

Maybe he should have poisoned himself rather than drug Raph. He would have felt less guilty, and maybe Leo would give him affection, too.

He had arsenic in his lab... Anyway, arsenic couldn’t feel worse than he already felt, nauseated all the time, his stomach and his soul crushed under guilt.

He knew that he should stop, but he couldn’t convince himself to do so. Don choked on smoke, and was too busy coughing to hear footsteps behind him.

"I thought you loved me enough to stop this despicable habit," Leo said, but in a gentler tone than the one he used for lectures. "But I can't blame you. You must be upset...Give me one," he commanded, after a brief pause.

Without a word, Donnie's long and nervous fingers handed the pack to his eldest brother.  Amazed, he watched his leader light a cigarette. Leo drew too long on the cigarette for a beginner, Donatello noticed. He moved to interrupt Leo. But he was too late, and Leonardo was choking.

"Disgusting. How could that comfort you?" the leader asked, between coughing fits, while Donnie stroked Leo's shell in a circle to help him to breathe.

"I don't know, Leo. I just need to hold something in my hands, and put something in my mouth." Don replied absentmindedly, to busy appreciating the physical contact between his palm and his brother’s shell to gave thoughts at his answer. Leo’s carapace was smooth, with ribbed grooves that would feel awesome on a dildo.

"I can give you something else to suck on," the eldest suggested huskily, and Donatello was stunned by the 180 degrees of Leo’s mood, from the worried big brother to the horny lover. He saw the hunger, the need, in Leo's eyes - almost a plea. Maybe Raph had said or done something unsettling. His speculation must be apparent on his features because Leonardo felt he had to explain.

"I’ve been neglecting you, and I don't want you to think that I’ve forgotten about the beautiful day we spent together. Raph...It is not a good time for me to make a loving gesture in front of him. Our relationship is already so on-edge that I don't want to make it worse. He seems jealous, even if I don't quite understand why. His state is too pitiful to push things further.”

Leo leaned closer, caressing Donnie's cheek.

"You have been so patient and understanding. I want to show you my appreciation," he said, punctuating his sentence with a soft kiss.”You’re loyal, Donnie, so reliable and so sweet. I know you will always be there for me. I wasn’t sure before about what I wanted. Now, I know. All I needed all along was you. I can’t afford an antagonistic partner. You are more to me than your brain and all your technology. You are the north star, unchanging, who can guide me through the darkness when nothing else works. I love you. I really do. I have so much regret that I didn’t realize it before.” he said, with sincerity.

Donnie gulped, knowing that he didn't deserve all of this praise, but it all felt so good. His soul was raw and wounded, thirsty for loving words. Donatello wanted to answer Leo’s loving words with his own feelings, but his high intellect was too frozen to articulate any compliments. Anyway, Leonardo didn't give him time to answer, his caresses moving lower and becoming bolder.

"I brought the lube," he whispered seductively, kissing the scientist's shoulder and nipping his favorite spot on the genius’s collarbone. The feeling was electrifying and surged all through Donnie’s eager body. "You taste so good, Don and your wiggly tail drive me crazy...Too bad, there’s no bed for long foreplay here, but out in the tunnels you can scream aloud and churr. I love all the noises you make. We can’t take our time now, but I promise to make up to you, later. Bend over, now, my sweet Donnie," he commanded softly, firmly pulling the genius’s tail up to fondle the ring of muscle underneath.

Donatello's knees buckled, and he let himself be turned around and pressed against the concrete wall. The leader rubbed his lower plastron across Donnie's carapace, Leo's left hand still busy playing with his tail.

"I won't be rough, promise. Just loving. I need to feel you close to me and I want to bring you comfort, too." A whiff of musk clouded Donnie’s mind, while Leo prepared him with tender care.

He had been right after all to take extreme measures against his rival, he thought before the lust took over. He never miscalculated in his schemes, and the reward was marvelous.

When they returned to the lair, Leo made a beeline to the lab. He ignored Mikey who kept asking to have a talk with him, but Donnie didn’t care much. The leader had been as loving as he was lustful, and so Don was content. Much more important than the sex, Leo had confessed his feelings. Leonardo had never opened up to him before, not in a personal matter like this, at least. It validated the fact that Donatello had a different status than before. He wasn't only a brother or a technician or a ninja. He was Leo’s mate.

Leo had promised to sleep with him this night and all the nights after, and only check on Raph twice each night. Donnie knew that Leo’s nature was too protective to keep a promise to check only two times, but they would still share a bed for a couple of hours.

Donatello was still amazed to see how he needed this physical validation of love. He always knew himself to be a romantic, but he had never believed he would be such a needy and clingy person. Maybe it was just the context of the beginning of their passion. The ground was still unstable. Perhaps, in a couple of months, he wouldn’t feel all the ups and downs of his relationship with Leonardo with so much intensity.

When he wouldn't have to play mad scientist, to not mention criminal, to keep Leo’s attention on him. When he wouldn’t be on pins and needles, anxious all the time, to lose his lover to Raphael.

No. He won’t think about Raph now. It was far too wonderful a day to be depressed about this.

To keep his mind busy and avoid the temptation to spy on Leo again in the lab, he took a long shower a made a coffee despite the late hour. He sat down to try to have a chat with Mikey. A half an hour later, Mikey still wasn't looking at him and didn’t try to interact at all, since his missed attempt at grabbing the leader’s attention. Without knowing why, because usually, he loved the silence, Don found it unnerving.

“So, what do you think about a movie tonight? That will put all our minds at ease, don’t you think? It’s been almost two weeks since the last movie night…”

Sharply, Mikey turned his head towards Don, his eyes gleaming with raw emotion.

“You mean the night that you saw Raph about to leave dead drunk?” Mikey asked in a stern voice, so unusual, so Leo, that Don looked over his shoulder to see if the leader wasn’t doing a ventriloquist trick. It was indeed Mikey who continued to talk, hissing with a subdued fury. Dread filled Donnie’s veins.

“You let him leave him riding his bike, the bike he bought with the money you gave him. Not to be a generous and kind brother, but to rent his ex-lover. Yeah, Raph told me about Leo and him while you were out. We had a great talk. As much as we could with one of us doped up on morphine. Hey, at least this time you bought your stuff with good money. You didn’t steal it like your jade tiger.”

Donnie, stunned since Mikey had begun to speak, was now livid. How in the world could Mikey know about the jade sculpture? As if knowing about the infamous bike deal wasn’t enough! Leo could maybe forgive one sin, but this would be beyond even his merciful soul. “Raph didn’t tell me that part. It’s on the news, Genius. The guy who shot you was caught for some other crime. To try to reduce his sentence or whatever, he told the cops about a freaking giant turtle with a deadly stick that knocked him down in an Asian antique shop. How many giant turtles with a stick do you know? I know... hmmm, well, counting YOU… oh gosh there’s too many to be sure, D. The cops found blood at the scene. A lab is running a test on it right now. So, what Leo fears the most, that our secret will be revealed, just happened.”

“ Mikey, I…” the scientist began painfully. It was indeed very bad news. This would take the damn cake. Leo would never forgive him for endangering the whole family. He wouldn't listen about Donnie’s love and desire to make a gorgeous present to the leader. Leo would only see the crimes of theft and recklessness. Mikey must not tell anyone about this!

“Shut the fuck up, Donatello! You love Leo, that’s cute.” Mikey sneered. “You screwed up big time, dude!” Mikey’s face twisted with rage crushed Donnie soul. Mikey was right. He couldn’t deny it. He already knew it so much. But he wanted his youngest brother to understand that he had been carried away further than he intended... He wasn’t an evil person. He had never intended to hurt anyone! He was just in love, wanting to be loved back in return!

“Please, Mikey! Things got out of hand, and...Please, don’t tell Leo. It would wreck everything!” Donnie stammered.

“Wreck everything? Wreck everything?” Mikey burst in a mad laugh. “It’s already wrecked, bro. Raph is fucked up. He is convinced that you tried to murder him, that you cut his brake lines. I know that’s not true - well, I hope so, but you still PAID HIM for Leo, when you knew that Raph still loved him!”

At this, fury overcame fear, and Donnie snapped.

“He offered me the deal first! I didn't force him to accept! He sold Leo much more than I bought him, and anyway, he broke Leo’s heart!”

“You know nothing! Leo dumped Raph! Leo was the asshole! Raph was the one with the broken heart!” Mikey fiercely countered.

Donnie bared his teeth.

“Don’t insult Leonardo. He is my mate.” he hissed. “How can you explain Leo’s suicide attempt if Raphael did nothing?” he pointed out, folding his arms.

Mikey paled, and Donnie regretted bringing this memory back to his younger brother so harshly. Maybe Mikey would spill the beans about what was in Leo’s letter. He was still dying to know about it - to be more efficient in comforting Leo, of course.

Mikey’s anger dissolved and his face seemed suddenly older.

“I’m sorry,” he said in a dull voice. “About calling Leo an asshole, I mean. Maybe Raph didn’t act right either, but you know how impulsive he is! Leo and him had some serious issues. Like all of us. You’re the doc, the only one we have. Your job is to find the weak spots and fix them! Not to fuck up us more! We trusted you, dude!” Mikey’s voice grew into a shout, his eyes full of tears.

Don tried to stomach Mikey’s accusation, swallow all of it, but it was even more bitter than Leo’s cum.

“I’m still in shock.” the youngest explained, turning his head. “I just learned that one brother stabbed another one in the back, to fuck another. Maybe the government is already looking for us. I’m tired. I want to get off this train. I’m going to bed.”

Carefully, Donatello took a step closer. He got that Mikey was upset and he had to admit that Michelangelo had every right to be. He still wanted to make sure that his secret was safe. Already two out of three brothers hated him. Losing Leo too would be too much.

“You won’t tell?” he asked, with a hint of undying hope. It would be the end of everything if Mikey talked. He could imagine Leo’s merciless stare. Cold black nothingness, like the ocean when the second half of the Titanic plunged into the frozen water, immutable and deaf to the despairing cries of the dying.

Mikey cast a last jagged look.

“I don't need to. I recorded the whole conversation with Raph. At first, I wanted to use it to tease him later, but I just kept recording, all two hours you and Leo were gone fucking in a tunnel. Fearless Leader should be about to finish listening to it now. I hope Leo’s cock was worth it. I hope you have incredible memories because you’re never going to feel it again. I don’t think Leo will be horny for a while.” he spat contemptuously, leaving for his bedroom.

  



	22. Chapter 22

Donnie was now alone and petrified in the living room. His eyes stared at the laboratory door where his fate was playing out. Maybe he wasn't too late, he hoped. Maybe Leo hadn’t listened to Mikey's recording yet, too busy watching over Raph. He must hurry in there quickly to find and smash Mikey’s phone before Leo could play the file. He would figure out what to do about Michelangelo later.The youngest was the easiest to handle in their little family.

With nervous strides, he walked toward his lab, when he heard a voice.

"I swear to you, Fearless, I never fucked Casey. I said it to force your hand, to make us official. I lied to you, babe, because I wanted to make you jealous..."

Well, that was interesting. So that was the possible reason for their break-up. Even better, if Raph was talking, Leo wouldn't have time to listen to the recording. He must enter now, before Raph spoke too many tender words to his ex-lover and turned his head.

“Stop talking, Raphael. I don't want to listen to your rant. Just sleep and rest. You must heal.” Leo replied sternly, and Donnie speculated that maybe the leader wasn’t interested in Raphael anymore, that he was faithful to his new mate, that he didn’t want to listen to stories about their past relationship. 

Hopefully, Donatello pushed open the door. Perhaps he still had time to fix this mess. Then he saw his mistake in Leo's icy stare. Leo cold's eyes were literally burning holes in him, and Don knew it was too late. Leo had listened to the recording, and believed every word of it, and was beyond mad.

Donnie opened his mouth, while his brain worked overtime to find a stirring justification. Leo wouldn't listen to logic. Anyway, Donatello must admit that there was no logic in his behavior. He had acted like an obsessive and ruthless lunatic. Maybe he could argue that the drug was talking, and that Raph was telling helpless lies, that credulous Mikey had taken more seriously than they were.

Or maybe he could grow a pair and tell the damn truth. The truth could not pull him deeper into the shit than he was already. 

"My love, I…"

"Don't!" Leo snapped, his voice quiet but dripping with hatred, not wanting to wake up Raphael. The bedridden turtle had just fallen asleep, numb from the morphine in his veins."I won't listen to you. You bought me like a pet turtle, but you had been badly misled by your dealer. I'm the master, here. I own myself. I own all of you! Now that this is clear, you will listen to me. I want Raphael off of this drug, now! You give him actual and effective medical care. I want him completely healed in one week!"

Donatello opened his eyes wide. The doctor in him knew that what Leo required was impossible. Raph had another five good weeks before being healed, even if Donatello fussed over him 24/7, and that was optimistic. Sometimes broken ribs could take six months to heal for patients less restless than Raphael! Leo couldn't ask him to go faster than Mother Nature! He knew it was it wasn’t a good time to contradict Leonardo, but he couldn’t help it.

“ Leo, that’s impossible!”

“What is impossible is to buy your own brother! To endanger the life of another by allowing him to ride his bike wasted! He told me that he saw you and talked to you before he left. He said that you had cut his brake lines!”

Panic struck inside Donnie. That wasn't true! He never intended to kill or hurt Raph badly. He wasn’t that insane! That was a line he would never cross! He must explain all of this to Leo.

“Leo, I would never -”

“And this self-service morphine?” Leo continued, shaking his head fiercely to show that he wouldn't stop to listen to Donatello’s explanation. ”I knew from the start that it wasn’t a good idea. Raph has been incoherent while taking it, telling me that you were a good brother, calming his pain. He also talked about both of you fighting over me like I was an Xbox on Black Friday. I’m sure that you didn’t offer free morphine to Raph for nothing. You are too clever, but news flash! So am I. I know you did it on purpose! Raphael couldn't seduce me while he was out of it!”

Donatello almost felt his neurons fried from overheating. He had been stupid to believe he could fool the leader, but maybe he could deny one part. He couldn’t deny having “bought” access, but Leo wasn’t aware of medical care. Donatello could honestly assure him that his suspicions weren’t the case and that Raphael needed morphine genuinely, because it was kind of true anyway. The hot head maybe just didn’t need free access. Leo couldn’t argue about legitimate medical need. For the bike deal, Raph was guilty with him, so it wasn’t that bad, Don tried to convince himself. Maybe Leo could forgive him.

“No, it wasn’t…”

“I didn't say I was finished! On the recording, Mikey talked about this...stolen object.” Leo’s face twisted in disgust and Donnie’s heart sank deeper, if that was even possible. He thought of the beautiful jade tiger, in good view on Leo shelves. The leader would not want to see it again, or Donatello. He and Leo were over. Even with his big brain that he’d boasted about so many times, he couldn’t get out of this awful situation. 

“You got yourself shot to stole it! Raph thinks that you did it deliberately, to have my attention, but I’m sure you didn’t. You’ve become a being that I don’t recognize as my little brother Donnie, but I know you! You are too intelligent to risk your own life and ours. That was only a mistake. I can forgive a mistake, even one that means that a national lab could find out about us and track us. We will deal with your mistake when the time will come. But I can’t forgive the theft. More than that, to have so much money, to buy me like this, Raph said that you do other illegal things behind my back. You’re dishonorable, Donatello.”

The sentence had just fallen. Donatello dropped to his knees, not to coax Leo to pardon him, but because his legs couldn’t bear him anymore. There was no insult higher than the term "dishonorable" in the leader's vocabulary. Donnie had to stay long enough to heal Raph somehow, because Leonardo had no choice but to wait for that, and then Don would have to pack his stuff and move away. Donnie wouldn’t resist, it was pointless. Master Splinter wasn’t there, and anyway, his punishment might be even harsher than Leo’s. Their Sensei would never stand up for him against Leonardo, the favorite son. Mikey would take Leo’s side, too. No need to wonder about Raph's opinion. 

His head bowed, his ears buzzing from the sound of the blood pumping too fast inside him, tears running down his face, all of Donatello’s fighting spirit was gone. Anyway, he had never been a fighter, just a so-called genius, so smart that he had dug his own grave with criminal and erratic decisions. 

Don knelt at the height of Leo's muscular thighs, with which he could propel himself with so much energy and power, to lead Donatello to orgasm. Leo's groin was so close and Donnie could smell the scent of sex still coming from the leader. The aroma of their hot lovemaking from only two hours ago. His heart broke even more at the sweet memory.

“I am ready to hear my sentence and receive my punishment, Master,” he whispered, not even being so submissive on purpose, just feeling genuinely miserable. 

“You have nothing else to say?” Leonardo asked, and the coldness in his tone crushed Donnie’s soul.

Leo gave him time to justify himself because the protocol required it, but the leader didn’t want to hear his defense. Donatello was not stupid enough to keep his illusions about his older brother's feelings about him.

He shook his head, but hearing an exasperated sigh from the leader's; he realized he had to speak so that Leo could consider himself magnanimous.

“What could I say, Leo?” he replied quietly, knowing his words wouldn’t reach Leo at all. “I was so in love with you that I made a lot of awful choices to keep you by my side. I have no excuse, and I accept whatever decision you will make.”

Leonardo stayed silent and began pacing. Anguish grew in Donatello, and he squeezed his fists and teeth to try to keep it together. An emotional breakdown would only disgust the leader more, and he was tired of all the scheming, plotting and fighting. He knew what kind of monster he had become, and he didn't need Leo to rub it in his face. Even if he deserved it. Even if the moment of suspense felt as if his doom wasn’t already decided. When Leo still didn’t speak, Donnie’s stoic behavior cracked, overwhelmed by stress. Could Leo just ban him already so that this nightmare would be over?

Don straightened up, poking Leo harshly in the plastron with his finger. 

“I admit it. I schemed, I stole, I did everything I could think of. Mikey found about all of it, and now we are over! I know what your plan is! You will wait for me to heal Raph as fast as lightning, to get rid of me and be with him, instead. Then, when he is okay, you will ban me, and everyone will applaud your decision. So, I am perfectly okay with it too. After having been with you, even for such a short time, I don’t want to be the helpless witness of passion between you and Raph and hear your moans at night when you make love to him. So just fucking say it already, Leo!” he yelled, upset at image his own mind pictured.

At this, the leader frowned.

“I won’t ban you from the lair. You are still part of the team, Donatello, whether you want to be or not. By your fault, government agents could search for proof of our existence, and we might be in great danger. Since this is your mess to begin with, and because we need your expertise in security technology, you must remain with us. You can’t go out alone trying to find another place. Settling yourself in a location as secure as we are here would take you weeks, even with that big brain of yours. You may have committed terrible sins, Donatello, but you remain a brother of mine. I’m not twisted and fratricidal like you, to wish the end of you to solve a problem. And, as I said, we need your competence. So you stay here, and that’s my final decision. As you likely imagine, I don’t want you or anything belonging to you in my bedroom one hour from now.”

At this, Donatello was annihilated. He would have taken exile tenfold instead of this punishment. Seeing Raph and Leo happy together, in love, and hating Donnie so passionately, would be too much for the scientist to endure. Leonardo knew that, but he didn’t care about being cruel. It was his leader’s prerogative.

“Concerning Raphael, you won’t be the witness of anything. He sold me to buy his bike. He can go screw himself!” Donatello opened his eyes wide. Leo’s cursing was a great indicator how angry the leader was. But Leonardo had not finished yet, riled up as Donatello had never seen him.

“I had to be a fool, looking for love from my subordinates. This chaos is partially my fault, too. I had teased you, letting you developing feelings for my own selfish need. I had been weak! I won’t be in a relationship with any of my brothers, from now. Your jealousy is irrelevant. A leader can’t afford feelings or to play favorites. Everybody will bear their part of the punishment, then. Ninjas are chaste, and so we will be.”

It was pure bullshit. Neither ninjas nor samurais were chaste, and he couldn’t imagine the turtle who had pounded into him mercilessly some hours ago leading a monk’s life. Leo wouldn’t hear any of it, his decision being final. Donnie bowed his head. He couldn’t do a damn thing to change the leader’s mind. Leonardo was stubborn and proud, and Donatello couldn’t argue about Leo being unfair, even if his decision seemed drastic. Hadn’t Don taken drastic actions too? He couldn’t blame the leader for taking extreme measures. What was crushing him, even more than losing Leo as a boyfriend, was losing him as friend and brother too. Leo wouldn’t just not love him anymore. The leader would hate him.

“You hate me now, don’t you?” he asked softly, his masochistic nature getting the better of him. He needed to know how exactly dreadful his situation was, even if it would break his heart. 

Leo threw him a last icy glare. Donatello suddenly hated the irrelevant and still enamored part of his mind which thought that Leo was magnificent even in his wrath, his gorgeous blue eyes blazing with cold anger, his imposing stance with his chin raised up as proud as an outraged Caesar. Such a noble being couldn’t learn that he’d been swapped like a Pokemon card without feeling disgusted. Donnie had been so foolish to believe he could win this hazardous game when Leonardo wasn’t even in his league to begin with. He was only an idiot gazelle who had ventured into the lion's territory, thinking himself safe because of his brain. His only accomplishment was losing everything, even his starting bet.

The Fearless Leader gave his answer disdainfully, hammering out the words to print them forever in the genius’s mind..

“Of course I don’t. I said I wouldn’t have feelings anymore, and I mean it. Of any kind.” Leo spat, before leaving the lab, not looking at Donnie or even at Raph, still blissfully asleep, unaware of what had just hit him in the blast of Leo’s fury. 

Finally Donnie was there, where he had known that this mad path would lead him since the beginning of this mess. On the cold ocean of nothingness, surviving the shipwreck of his love life, but alone in his lifeboat, regretting he had not gone down with the ship as the Captain did.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta How do you do  
> Chemical consultant: Winnychan

Donatello stayed still, stunned a moment, feeling as if he had been hit by an eighteen-wheeler truck. He could not say how many agonizing minutes or decades he stayed there, feeling like his heart was bleeding into his chest, the pain so much more vivid than when he had been shot.

His love story had just exploded in his face. Don looked at himself in amazement, not understanding how his body could be there and look fine while this crisis crushed him inside: Leo and him were over, and Donatello was a rational enough being to know that a make-up wouldn’t happen.

He could foresee how Leo would act toward him. An embarrassing but necessary tool. The scientist could be twisted and fratricidal as Leo had called him, but he was competent with machines. Nobody could replace him as the lair’s chief of security, or even repair the heater or the damn toaster that Leo somehow broke twice a week just by looking at it. The whole lair was safe and habitable because of him. With a wrench and a computer, Donnie was beyond great. At least, he was that. Because now, it would be only that. Donnie does machine, Not Leonardo.

Moving like an automaton, Donatello turned to Raph, still asleep, and removed the IV needle. Raph was going to live through several days of hell to detox, in addition to his very painful wounds. Donnie didn’t even think of disobeying the leader and gradually diminishing Raphael's dose, which would have been a more reasonable way. Leo had said to stop, and so Don obeyed. Anyway, he thought, in a few days, Raph would have burned through his stock of morphine, and getting more would have been quite complicated. The stock they had came from a criminal laboratory, which they had shut down. He had taken some medicines and other chemicals with Leonardo's permission, including two morphine bottles, in case he ever needed it as a painkiller.

Raph had been taking 40 milligrams per day since last week. The key to doing morphine without turning into a junkie is to limit your dose to 30 milligrams a day. Donnie knew that because he had studied about it, in his scheme to make Raphael, his brother, a morphine addict. The websites clearly stated that 30mg and below were fine. So, he purposely gave more than the suitable amount to Raphael.

Donnie couldn’t even argue that he didn’t know the physical and mental consequences this awful plan would inflict on Raph. Everybody knew that Don was a genius. He knew all of these facts and didn't care, because Leo’s cock felt so damn good.

There were still 220 ml in the opened bottle, and Don hesitated slightly between keeping it locked in the cabinet, or pouring it out in the sink to prevent Raph from relapsing. The next few days would be hellish for both of them, and the physician in Don wondered how he would manage to heal Raph both from his wounds AND his withdrawal from morphine. He considered for several moments about these health problems, his brain working to find different ways of treating Raphael.

The bedridden turtle muttered some nonsense, and the sudden word “Jade” cut Donatello like a dagger. He didn’t know if Raph was referring to the hue of Leo’s green complexion or to the jade tiger, but it was a slap back into reality.

Donnie put the empty bottle down, thinking of the leader. He had unplugged Raph from the morphine drip. He must now obey Leonardo’s second order. Empty Leo's room of his personal belongings.

He knew better than to beg, argue, or whatever to try to change Leonardo’s stubborn mind. The submission was the only option. Leo hadn’t thrown him out, and even if Don would have preferred that choice, he must be grateful for Leo’s mercy and at least show respect for his decision.

Leo, mad as he was, could have sliced Don’s head off as payback for the damage done to their brother and teammate, not to mention the mess in the Asian Store. He had deserved it. Leonardo had only banned him from his bedroom, and it was so much worse.

Head bowed and as quietly as he could manage, discreet as a mouse despite his 6’4 height, Don slid out of the lab toward Leo’s bedroom. He knocked at the door, politely, and hearing no answer, he pushed the door open.

Leo wasn't there, of course. The leader knew that Donatello would grab his things and he didn’t want to deal with the genius any more than he had to. The eldest must be letting off some steam in the Dojo, and maybe Michelangelo was there, too. Donnie didn’t waste time to look around one last time, to see how his and Leo’s belongings meddled together like their scent.

He took his pillowcase and stuffed it with the few things that either belonged to him or could remind the leader of his presence. The mineralogical collection, the starfish, his bo, his purple bandanas... and the jade tiger. His time with Leo had been so short that there had not been time to move in completely. As discreetly as he came, Don returned to the laboratory, when he heard voices.

“It's not fair! I’ll be the only one who doesn’t know how it feels to be kissed and loved! I don't want to be a virgin all my damn life!”

“Language, Michelangelo!. Your innocence is precious and will be preserved. This way, you will never suffer from heartache and go crazy, doing criminal things!”

“Only Donnie should be punished, not me,” Mikey whined, and Donnie was hurt. Mikey didn’t like him anymore, either. Don could not even blame him for feeling that way. It was another sting to his soul, his little brother had always gotten along with him very well.

“Donatello has flaws, as we all do. He made a mistake and paid the price. The punishment fits the sin. I don’t want to hear any references to these past events. You will treat Donatello as you always have before. Understood?”

The voice was cold and clipped, but Donnie’s sensitive heart warmed at the words. Leonardo was generous despite his resentment. Mikey stayed silent a moment.

“What about Raphael? He still loves you. Will you dump him, too? After all he went through?”

“I don’t know what you mean, Michelangelo. Raphael and I broke up months ago. He understood pretty well and got used to it. I told him then that I preferred to be celibate, and I will honor my oath.”

“Celibate? What about Donnie? You fucked him so hard you gave him brain damage!” Mikey asked, perplexed.

“I don’t know what you are talking about. There never was anything between Donatello and me. You have been mistaken. Never mention this again in front of me or Donatello. That never happened. I admit I had sexual intercourse with Raphael. That’s the only kind of relationship I ever had and ever will.”

Donatello almost dropped the massive jade tiger on the floor at this denial. New tears clouded his eyes. Leo had just denied their time spent together, their kisses and cuddles and wild lovemaking! He still had Leo’s bite marks all over him, so the leader’s lies were as thin as tissue paper. Donatello knew that Leo knew that Mikey was not fooled. Leonardo had drawn an X on their history, and now, everyone would pretend that it did not exist. As if their story had happened in the alternative future of a parallel dimension. And soon, obeying the leader, everyone would have forgotten, accustomed to repressing the memory in the back of their minds.

Everyone except Donatello. He would live forever with the memory of being kicked out of the Eden of Leo’s bed.

Leonardo was walking out of the kitchen, mug in hand as if all of this didn’t perturb his routine at all, when he saw Donatello, in tears.

“Stop dragging your feet, Donatello. You only have five minutes for your task. Raphael is unplugged from that poison?” the leader asked firmly.

Donatello's throat was burning and aching a hundredfold worse than the first time he choked while smoking. He wanted to sob, to scream, to beg. But Leonardo's face was smooth as a statue, as if he wasn’t bothered at all by Donnie’s obvious distress. So he just nodded. Leonardo only blinked in response.

“Good, Donatello. See you tomorrow morning at practice.” the leader replied evenly, as if he didn’t tell Donatello just a few hours ago that he loved and needed him, craved for his body! Leo’s words haunted his mind.

“ _All I needed all along was you.”_

_“You are the north star, unchanging, who can guide me through the darkness when nothing else works. I love you. I really do.”_

_“You taste so good, Don, and your wiggly tail drives me crazy.”_

And then, after having kicked him out, it was a detached “See you at practice!”

Biting his lips not to make his shame worse by crying and howling in despair, Don passed the leader to rush into his lab. Raph was still sleeping, the lucky bastard. Don envied his unconsciousness, although he knew that Raphael would eventually wake up and be hurt and upset, too. For the moment, Raph didn’t suffer, still blissfully unaware. Even after leaving the infirmary, he would not have to suffer the avalanche of shame, hopelessness, and regret that Donatello felt. Raph was far more innocent in this fiasco than he was. He would probably still believe that the genius had cut his brake line, even if that wasn’t true at all. Donatello had committed so many crimes, why not that, too? they will think.

Mikey would despise him, Raphael would hate him, but none that will hurt as much as the leader's sharp indifference.

He couldn’t bear it! How could Leonardo disconnect so quickly and effectively from his emotions? No doubt the leader would talk about meditation is the way to control the inner being, but Donnie didn’t care about that orientalist bullshit. He had always believed that this kind of suppression of feeling Leo used wasn’t healthy at all, but now, he envied it. Don was feeling too much. He was usually volatile, but now he was drowning in an ocean of emotional pain. Meditation or even smoking wouldn’t do the trick. He needed something much more powerful, something quick and effective to stop the suffering he would inevitably feel. Don couldn't even resort to suicide. Leo needed his brain to survive. And, suicide was a coward’s choice, in this case. They might be in danger because of Donnie. Leo would hold him in even more contempt if he fled into death. He had the responsibility to remain functional, to be useful in every way Leo needed, to protect their family. A Metal Head 3.0.

Don locked the door behind him and dropped the jade tiger and the pillow, eager to find a release for his pain. With jerky gestures, he took out various instruments from his cabinets and drawers: some alcohol wipes, antibiotic cream, cotton balls, a compression wrap, and the syringe.

He didn’t put any more thought into it. He had read about morphine when he wanted to put Raphael out of the game. He knew the effects: no more feelings at all. It was the reason it had been so perfect for Raph. If morphine turned off his emotions and libido, the hot head would not have been in a seductive mood. But now, how ironic, it would be perfect for Donnie himself to stop his bleeding soul. It would destroy his two worst weakness; his sensitive heart and his greedy body. There was no place for weakness in the Fearless Leader’s Team.

_"You taste so good, Don, and your wiggly tail drives me crazy...Too bad, there’s no bed for long foreplay here, but out in the tunnels you can scream aloud and churr. I love all the noises you make. We can’t take our time now, but I promise to make it up to you later. Bend over, now, my sweet Donnie,"_

They would never have a make-up session later…

Leo, if he even looked at him, wouldn’t notice a thing. Don would only have temporary bruises. Junkies only get track marks if they have sloppy injection practices. Donnie might have many flaws, but he wasn't sloppy at all.

Leo had said “no more feelings, of any kind,” and Donnie was his most obedient teammate. Leo needed a technician, a robot with a brain, and nothing else. Not a wiggly tail, in any case.

Donatello swabbed the needle and the intended injection site, the hollow of his elbow, with the alcohol wipe. Morphine was an opiate. If he felt too numbed by it, he would pop some Adderall. It was a medicine they had taken from the same drug lab, for Mikey, to treat his attention issues. He couldn’t nod off in front of the leader. It would be much too unprofessional.

The key to doing morphine without turning into a junkie is to limit yourself to 30 milligrams a day.

He filled the barrel of the syringe to the 30 mg line.

” _You’re loyal, Donnie, so reliable and so sweet. I know you will always be there for me. I wasn’t sure before about what I wanted. Now, I know. All I needed all along was you. I can’t afford an antagonistic partner. You are more to me than your brain and all your technology. You are the north star, unchanging, who can guide me through the darkness when nothing else works. I love you. I really do. I have so much_ regret _that I didn’t realize it before.”_

It was all lies. Leo needed Donatello, the hacker, to erase the evidence of their existence in a governmental computer. He was nothing more than a brain and technology.

He untied his purple bandana, using it as a tourniquet.

The punishment indeed fit his sin. Using morphine as he did on Raph. Using morphine to shut up his big stupid too-needy heart. He should have done this sooner.

Leo didn’t need a soldier with a heart. Leonardo needed an efficient security technician, controlling a reliable surveillance system, protecting their lair. If government agents came for them, Donnie’s inventions must stop them.

He inserted the needle at the good 25 degree angle toward his heart to hit the Median Cubital Vein.

_"I won't be rough, I promise. Just loving. I need to feel you close to me, and I want to bring you comfort, too.”_

Fearless Leader didn’t need loving and comfort, up on his high horse. He was a general at war, requiring good war machines from his engineer.

 _“I love you. I really do.”_ Leonardo’s sweet voice still whispered in his mind. He must shush it for good. A part of the brain would remember, but the aching heart would not.

He pulled the plunger back to see if there was blood and saw that he had hit the vein. Dark red blood had spread slowly into the syringe, and the genius grimaced nervously. Donnie untied his tourniquet and pushed down the plunger.


	24. Chapter 23 in comic by Yukarishii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The amazing Yukarishii made this comic from some strong moments of chapter 23!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is done. It would be posted after the beta., so just some hours to wait!


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you see the comic in the prior chapter?

When there was no more liquid morphine left, Donnie had looked for another source of release in a frenzy. He needed something to vacuum out the pain, to not break apart. Of course, he took care of this problem before running out, clever as always. On the darkweb, he found an onion link accessed through TOR. On this market, there were hundreds of morphine and Adderall listings in various forms, with pictures of the products, anonymous reviews from previous buyers, etc. He bought morphine pills. The blue ones were each 15mg, so even if he took it twice a day, he would be fine. It was still 30mg. Anything more just builds up your tolerance, and Donnie didn’t need to become a junkie as cherry on top.

He also bought Adderall from the same market, to stay alert. He wasn’t doing that for a speed rush, or to stay up inventing for days... just trying to walk that line between feeling the anguish of his life and totally nodding out in front of Leo. He took suboxone, too, for maintenance, in case he would go through physical withdrawals while waiting for the package to arrive. Donnie didn’t want to feel both dopesick and heartsick. All of this stuff was expensive, and risky too. Donnie had to give April’s address for delivery. If he was caught, it would definitely be the ban, now. But he still couldn’t get over it. He felt all the pieces of his core still shaking, so fragile. His heart was still ripped apart. He needed to blanket this pain. Having all that suffering lifted away by morphine felt better than any body buzz or pleasure from the drug itself. For the last two weeks, twice a day, he had crushed the morphine with a mortar and pestle, traced fine rails with a razor blade and snorted it with a rolled-up post-it note. 

  

It was 10:30 AM, the moment he had waited for all morning. April had brought his new package for “experiments” last night. Training was finally over, the four-hour punishment he had to go through before he was allowed to feel better. After that dose, he had to wait again until after dinner. It was hard going without the drug, feeling the physical withdrawal. Donnie always managed to hold back until 6:30PM, and then again late in the morning.

Donatello waited until after training for his first fix. It would be hard to avoid being unusually sluggish during sparring. In the last month, Leo’s crazy standards of perfection had gone beyond insanity. Nobody could complain, though, because the leader himself was training with even more intensity. Leo watched them all so closely that fooling him would be impossible. Luckily for Don, nobody expected to have a deep taxing conversation or delve into his soul during training. He could focus on form and strikes and absorbing blows, too busy to feel the emptiness. 

Donnie tried to walk at a regular pace toward the shower, despite his craving. Leo was undressing now, just next to him. Donnie didn’t look. It was forbidden. Leo never expressed that, but Donnie knew it. Anyway, in less than half an hour, he wouldn’t suffer any more. He could bear the pain and loneliness for a couple of minutes. He tried to fill his mind with the expectation of how detached he would feel. The morphine was there, waiting for him in his lab. He had hidden it carefully, despite the fact that nobody would care about a bottle of unknown blue pills in his medicine cabinet. All of his equipment to fix or snort, and the pills themselves, were hidden on a shelf in his locked cupboard. The box containing the effects was hidden behind the objects that had decorated Leo's room during their time together: the jade tiger, the mineral collection, and the starfish. The leader would never look there. 

Scrubbing himself roughly with a dry towel, he let his mind wander through the last weeks since the “incident”. By chance, no government agent had made it into the sewers, but that didn’t mean that one wouldn’t arrive in the near future. Donnie was still living to face that eventuality, and protect his brothers from that threat. 

As far as everybody else was concerned, anything beyond that incident never actually happened. After Leo’s one-week deadline, Raph was better even without being utterly healed. Donnie had locked himself into the lab with Raph all day long, for the entire week. He took care of his injured brother with dedication. Business was a means to avoid being overwhelmed by pain. Don feared he would go crazy from it. The genius only left his lab for food during the night. He didn't want to see Leo, even less while Raph was still in bad shape. On the fourth day the situation became better, for Donatello at least. The seventh time he took it, the morphine had its full effect. He still knew in a distant part of his mind that he was supposed to be sad, but the high didn’t let him feel it. 

Raph had suffered less than expected from going cold turkey, and stopped accusing Donatello of trying to murder him on the fifth day. Maybe the hot head was stirred by his attentive care, or maybe he was able to read Don’s unhappiness in his face. When the leader had finally come to check on them, for the first time after a full week, Leo hadn't been hard on Don about Raph’s condition. 

Raphael wasn't delirious anymore, and he attacked with full force at the moment he saw the leader.

“About time you drag your ass in here, Fearless! Where was your damn fussy mother hen routine?”

“You must have forgotten to include it in the package when you sold me to Donatello for the precious smashed pieces of your bike.” the leader had replied sternly. Raph paled. Apparently, he didn’t remember the previous drugged conversation. Now that Leo knew Raph’s dark secret, he was ready to face it and dealt with the consequences. Raphael was many things, but he wasn’t a coward. 

“I didn’t really sell you,” he began, flushed with embarrassment. Embarrassment was not an emotion that Raph liked to feel, so he turned furious pretty quickly. “You weren’t supposed to yield! I didn’t think that you were a little slut!”

Leo's face hadn’t twisted in anger. His expression had stayed blank, and his voice had remained steady.

“I didn’t yield. Your deal is over. Anyway, I didn’t mean anything to you, Raph, and I never will. Now that you are healed, I’m telling you. It didn’t matter whether you cheated with Casey or not. Even if you didn’t, you still lied to me. I remember how you seemed unhappy with me.”

Donatello wasn’t really listening. First, because he didn’t want to rub salt into his wound. Second, Leo didn't want any intervention from him, so it was pointless to listen. Being detached and silent was the easiest way, and morphine made that possible. Hopefully, Don had taken his fix two hours ago, so he had could manage to be almost invisible without pain. He had stayed there, too high to really care about Leo breaking up a second time with Raphael. That didn’t concern him at all. 

“Both of you are still my brothers and part of my team. That will never change. I will treat you as I treat Mikey, who did nothing wrong. This subject is now closed. I never want to hear about any of this ever again.” the leader said, looking over to Donatello.

The genius had only nodded, while Raph was in a silent, but obvious, rage. Leo’s calmness about that must be unsettling. Leo wouldn’t feel anymore, and so Don wouldn’t either.

It had been five weeks, and now Donnie could call himself “fine” for a good part of the day. He only cried at night when he couldn’t contain his loneliness. During daytime, he just had to stay in his lab, working on his machines. Now that Raph wasn’t bedridden, he avoided the lab. All his life, Donatello had been a turtle with a schedule, though not as strict a routine as Leo. Now, he had a rigorous agenda. He needed his morphine at the appointed times. Don could show himself only in the safe moments when the drug had taken effect, but he wasn’t too out of it. Also, he didn’t want to see Leonardo at all, any more than he was forced to do. Without morphine, Leo was still attractive in a heartbreaking way, and he didn’t want his mind to linger on the leader’s powerful thighs.

In the morning before training, Don avoided Leo, not wanting to awaken his feelings and have to take more drugs to choke them. He was careful to wake up when he knew that his elder brother was busy in the Dojo. Don grabbed a very light snack and a mug of coffee before disappearing to hide his nervousness and the shakes. That worked most of the time. Then it was training, when he couldn’t avoid Leo at all. The training was so hellish and insane, with Leonardo all business, that Don could appear to be only suffering from the training. 

After a quick shower, he could, at last, have his release. The moment he had waited for since waking up four hours ago.

He had a routine. He locked the door, and took his kit out of the cupboard.

He checked every pill for purity, after scratching off the blue coating. If the tablet is not labeled IR for instant release, the coating MUST be scraped off. If not, the drug trickles into the blood with such a slow rate of absorption that it is difficult to notice any change at all but the minor alleviation of physical injury. The emotional pain would not be noticeably smothered at all. The coating would make the pills worthless for Don's purposes.

Then, he crushed the pill and made a clean line with a razor blade. The blade was also helpful in breaking apart chunks that weren’t completely crushed by the mortar and pestle. Finally, he would snort the white powder. Snorting wasn’t as effective as the IV, and it was uncomfortable. Don found that the drug stuffed up his nasal cavities quickly, requiring occasional flushing with a bulb syringe. Either way the medicine reached his blood stream, and that was what really mattered. Feeling the rush of wellbeing.

Afterwards, Donnie would wait for one hour, lying on his infirmary cot and staring at the ceiling, trying to mute his mind. Around noon, he would be forced to attend lunch. To seem normal, he swallowed one Adderall before lunch, even if it further suppressed his appetite. Don took the extra precaution of forcing himself to vomit in the private bathroom in his lab. He would be entirely unable to eat with a full belly and no appetite, and he must make sure he is getting dinner in without raising eyebrows. There were so many little steps to take to avoid all suspicions.

Don was sprawled in unfeeling bliss when Leo came into sight.

"What are you doing? You aren't working?"

Drowsily considering the lock and his unexpected visitor, Don turned his head to the door.

"I just took a break, Leo."

Leonardo's voice dripped with suspicion.

“Taking a break isn’t like you. Neither is how hard training has been hitting you. Maybe it’s because you have lost some weight. Your legs are no bigger than your bo, now!”

Donatello was stunned, high in his contented apathy, but his brain still kicked in. He couldn’t afford for Leo to have any doubts. If so, the leader would watch him closely and discover his secret. Then, his situation would be tenfold worse. Leo would force him to stop, and Donnie would have to deal with an even darker reality. Despite being so high that he barely cared if he was caught, Don found a way to explain himself.

“I’m working hard on my projects for Raph and Mikey. It’s only that, Leo. You know how I can get caught up in my inventions and machines. I stay awake most of the night, thinking!” It was kind of a lie. His innovation had slowed, and he was not bustling with genius new ideas. He was able to work on projects he had already planned, and catch up on all the drudgery work. Repairs and lair maintenance that he used to find so dull and unchallenging, all the manual labor that was his duty because no one else knew how to perform the task... Suddenly he was happy doing tedious work. He was useful and helpful in spite of always being high.

The leader lifted an eye ridge, seeming dubious. 

“Really? I didn't know that Mikey and Raph even asked you for anything. Let’s see”.

Donnie knew what Leo meant. Their other brothers were barely talking to him. They only did when the leader was around, or April and Casey. Just for show. But the scientist couldn’t complain at all. It was fairer treatment than what he actually deserved, and anyway he was often too fucked up to care. Right now he just wanted Leo to go away and mind his own business.

Instead, Leo was walking freely around his lab, as if it wasn’t Don private place broken apart from their home, but an extension of the leader’s territory. The drug was slowing down the striking panic he should feel, but he hurried after the leader anyway. Leo couldn't find evidence if he made sure there was none to find.

“They didn’t! It’s a surprise for them.” Donnie said, not excited at all, despite calling it a surprise. He lifted the tarp hiding his current work. Helpfully, he actually was working on something huge, so all his time hidden in the lab was validated. When Don was able to work, even if it was futile, he was repairing Raph’s bike. A lot of it was unsalvageable, but he had found some new parts. Don was about to make it stealthier, faster and safer. 

The leader looked at the new bike, his face expressionless. Just to get over it so that the leader would go away and leave him alone in his sweet apathy, Don explained.

“I know what you are thinking,” he said, in a dull voice, nodding. “The handle will measure Raph’s BAC, so that he can’t start the engine if he is wasted. It will even send a signal to your T-phone. For Mikey, it’s just a regular jetpack. He’s been bugging me for one for years.” he said, absently scratching his forearm. 

Leo silently admired his handiwork. To keep busy, Donnie picked up a wrench, attempting to look as if he needed to work.

“ I see..” Leo began. “ But where is mine?”

Donnie was puzzled. Leo hadn’t spoken to him this much in weeks, and it was rather annoying. But, he didn't want to start a fight, so he replied.

“What do you mean?”

“You made a peace offering for Mikey and Raph, but what about mine?”

“You want a bike or a jet pack? I can build you one.” Donatello said, nodding, just wanting to make Leo happy enough that he would leave.

Leo shook his head, taking a step closer.

“No, I don’t need any toys.”

“What do you want then, Leo? Tell me. I’ll give it to you” he replied carelessly. He just wanted to be alone, but obviously the leader didn’t believe that his subordinate was allowed to have any private space or life. 

“Just that you regain some weight, and this...”

Before Donnie could react, Leo’s lips were on his, arching the genius’s back. After the first surprise, Don’s lips followed Leo’s motions lazily. The feeling was unexpected but good, so he gave it back automatically. Donnie opened his mouth to let the other taste his tongue. Leo was warm. It wasn't bad at all. Donnie didn't need to act that much, or even think. It was nice, but not as nice as the morphine rush.

Suddenly, Don’s lips lost the warm and undulating contact. He only frowned when Leo stepped back from his relaxed frame, regret on his face, Don guessed, not very concerned by the leader’s behavior.  


“Donnie, I’m sorry...I didn’t mean to do it.” the leader stammered awkwardly.

Donatello just nodded.

“No harm done, Leo. It's okay. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.”

Incredulity appeared on the leader’s features.

“Is that all you have to say after I kissed you?”

Donatello shrugged,

“Yeah, I guess? I really need to work, so....” he said, scratching his neck.

Leo was shocked, Donnie could tell, but it wasn’t any of his business. Leo was always overthinking. He needed to chill out just like Donatello did.

“Well, I’m sorry Donnie. I must admit that I’m impressed with how you’ve dealt with this situation. Maybe Raph was right, and I was only a passing fancy for you. I suppose that I should feel relieved. Because... there is no place for feelings in our team. Is that your opinion, too, Donnie?” Leo asked, with an unmistakable hint of sadness.

The genius nodded. Maybe later he would think about the leader’s question, but now he just wanted to crawl back under the comfortable blanket of morphine. Leo was talking about feeling just years too late. Don wasn’t able to feel anything. Leo could kiss him or slap him, or whatever. It didn’t matter as long as he left Donnie alone, afterward.

The leader sighed. The sorrow in his voice had cracked the impenetrable mask of the Fearless leader, and suddenly it shattered entirely. 

“I played with you, fell in love with you, and broke up with you in only a few weeks time.” the leader exploded. “I suppose I deserve it after messing with you so much. I suppose I must be content that you don't seem to suffer. I'm envious of how you dealt with this, with all of this. Breaking up is so hard, and I know it’s not worthy of a leader for me to throw a pity party but…” He looked up, seeking Donnie’s eyes, and the genius was quick to look elsewhere to not show how contracted his pupils were. “I’ll leave you alone, Donnie.” Leonardo said, the regret evident in his voice. “I see that I’m bothering you. I won’t ever have this conversation with you again. You have my word.”

Donnie was still nodding with a lazy grin.

“Have a nice day, Leo. If you need a bike too, just tell me.”


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: How do you do  
> Chemical consultant: Winnychan

  
  
Lazily, Donnie worked on Raph’s bike, not paying any mind to his unlocked door. How annoying to live with a bunch of Ninja who were able to pick a lock. Damned Leo was a pro at this, with his famous stealth. What a pity Leo didn’t use his skill for the dark side. He could break into a museum and steal a Pharaoh’s treasure to pay for Don’s drugs. Or he could just knock over a drugstore, stealing more morphine for his so-useful little brother. Yeah, he thought, stroking the bike, he was so awesome to do all these things for his bros, Leo could steal a little morphine to help Donnie to feel better. Because the last time that he tried some shopping, it didn't end well, he thought with a grin, remembering the jade tiger and the bullet he took in his arm.

With the hours passing, Donnie lost his dopey smile. The morphine’s effect was fading away, and the realization struck him hard.

Leo had come to him, kissed him, admitted falling in love with him, opened to him, wanted him all over again, and Donnie had proposed a bike, not giving a damn.

He had fucked up big-time, as would Mikey would say.

Leonardo. The guy who was the reason he was curling in his bed, crying out his emptiness, struggling against the craving to take some more morphine to take away the pain after a twisted wet dream. Leonardo had come, kissing him, seeming to regret his harsh behavior, and miss the time he’d spent with Donnie. It was about two hours ago, and he knew the leader. If he had let it go on, Leo would still be there, making love to him, on the cot or on his desk. Don would appreciate life again, even without the high,

But Donnie had preferred being underneath his morphine blanket, alone, to Leonardo. He had just let Leo leave.

He felt it again, the panic, the pain, the distress, radiating out from his sternum, overwhelming all his body, like he had poured gasoline on his plastron and set himself on fire.

Leo had been ready to forgive and start over, and he had been out of his mind to the point of staying cold to the sweet kiss of the leader.

Donnie touched his lips, shaking, incredulous at how he could have been so stupid. Leo had been within his reach, and Donnie had been too high to care.

He wished that morphine messed with his memory too, just wanting to cut the wires of his brain that kept repeating to him: “Have a nice day, Leo.”

Don wasn't mean enough to think that Leo just received what he actually deserved, being dumped. He knew very well that Leo almost never opened his heart like that, and he had never blamed the leader for having dumped him. Don had acted like a lunatic. Leo’s decision had been understandable.

Anxiously, he checked the hour. Maybe it wasn't too late, and Leo was still reachable. It was mid-afternoon. The leader would be in the Dojo training at this time. Maybe he could convince Leo to give him another chance, but what he could say to explain his previous behavior? He couldn't tell Leo that he was too stoned to care at the time. Leo would be even more disgusted with him. But what he could do, then? He couldn’t approach  Leo without being prepared.

Agitated, he took a sheet of paper and began to scribbles fragment of a plan, After half an hour, Donatello tore it apart, crying. How could he, the so-called brain, be so dumb?

Donatello felt as though he was choking. In an impulse, he turned his rage against the morphine pills. He took his stash box from its hiding place and threw it in his messenger bag.  He got out of his lab and walked in nervous stride towards the exit. When he found a good place, at a good distance from the lair, he flung the box hard into the sewage heading towards the water treatment plant. Don could be an almost-junkie, but he was conscientious enough not to fling it into a clean water reservoir and contaminate people's drinking water, even if it was just a small amount. The sewage headed towards the plant would get purified. It was the decision of a considerate and responsible citizen.

This stupid poison that had driven him insane was gone now, and Donnie was relieved.

Now that this problem was solved, he could focus on Leonardo. Don stayed in the tunnels for a moment, reflecting on the possibilities, but it was as if all his mental abilities had been crushed under the stress. He could fake having been drunk. Leo would be slightly displeased, but he was used to Raph’s alcoholism, so wouldn’t make a fuss about it. Yeah, that was good, Raph acted like a jerk when he was wasted, so Donnie could be a mean drunk, too. Then, he froze. Leo had kissed him, deeply. Maybe the leader would point out that Donnie hadn’t tasted like alcohol.

Donatello was doomed.

Biting his nails, he walked quickly back to the lair. He had been gone for almost one hour, now. He must talk to Leo. He would just open his heart. He would tell Leo that all of it was just a front and that he was still in love with him. Just be honest.

Yes, that was a good plan.

In front of the Dojo, he had the bad surprise of finding the door locked from the inside. He heard Leo yell a kiai, and understood that his guess was correct. Leo was training, and damn hard by the sounds he made. Don stayed in front of the door for a moment, uncertain. He hated disturbing the leader, but it was an emergency. If Leo still loved him, just the way Leo had told him in the lab, the eldest wouldn’t stay mad at him.

Just when he was about to knock, Don heard a mocking laugh.

“I won’t do that if I were you, Donnie-boy. The leader is beyond mad. He just kicked me out of the Dojo. Anyway, what do you wanna do in there? Certainly not train! You have a hard enough time with the morning practice. I noticed, you know.”

Donatello clenched his jaws. He didn’t have time to play Mikey’s games.

“I need to talk to Leo. It’s none of your concern, Mikey.”

“Are you in mating season, too?” the youngest asked.

The question came out of nowhere and took Donnie by surprise.

“What are you talking about? We don’t have a mating season. We are not in the wild, and only half turtle." the genius replied, still incredulous.

Mikey grinned.

“Well, maybe it’s not as strong as for real turtles, but I can smell it on him. Raph told me that every spring for the last two or three years, Leo gets horny. Raph does too. It’s the reason they started fucking. It was only a Spring thing, at first, but last year they stayed together after the season was over. That didn't end well. So now Leo is mad at Raph, but he can’t keep it in his tail. All the training is filling him up with testosterone. I hear him getting up once or twice a night to take a shower... kind of hard to sleep with a raging hard-on, you know?  But, like, after his big Captain Ryan speech about morals, what else can he do? He doesn't want Raph anymore, even if Raph was still into him. Raph chose the bike over Leo. You chose Leo over your own soul. His big ego ate that up with a spoon, dude. Of course, he misses you in springtime. You were a great match, other than you turning all evil. Don’t you feel that kind of itching at night? I do. You only smell like chemicals and motor oil.”

Don listened with his heart pounding. Mikey hadn’t spoken to him that much in weeks. He loved Leo madly, but he loved his little brother too, and Mikey had always been intuitive. He had been the first to perceive that Donnie had turned into an evil asshole. This new data he was providing about Leo was interesting. Anyway, Don was sure it wasn’t a mating season. It was just finally warming up again so they were more comfortable, and Mikey was easy to impress. Don had run some tests on their saliva and blood to look for hormonal changes years ago. Mikey’s mind was tricking him, smelling something that doesn’t exist. But he still had a point. The leader wasn’t made to be chaste.

“You gotta tell me, how was it? Leo’s so driven and one hundred percent in everything he does. Did his laser beam eyes target you like you were the most important thing in the world? When he polishes his blades he’s so serious and careful, did he polish you the same way? Oh man, Leo’s rough in a fight, but I bet he can be slow and considerate if he wants to be. Serious people are always the kinkiest in bed. I bet he loves hickies and scratches and love bites. He labels everything he owns, dude,” Mike said dreamily. “And his thighs… he’s been working those hard lately. Damn, I stare at the sweat running down those legs all through practice. I think he just kicked me out because he caught me staring at his ass.”

Don was speechless. Was Mikey making this situation worse on purpose to make fun of him?

“What are you talking about, Mikey?” he squeaked. “Why do you want to know that? I don’t kiss and tell. Why were you staring at him this way?”

“Fine, keep your secrets, bro. If he screwed your mind up so badly, he must be a great fuck. Anyway, I’m gonna find out. Leo and Raph are done beyond repair, and you aren’t into him, anymore, what is kind of surprising by the way…” Mikey trailed off with suspicion, but his smile snapped back onto his face. “So, Leo is fair play! ”

“Fair play?”Don blurted, “What do you mean?” It was a rhetorical question. Don knew already what Mikey would say.  That didn’t prevent him from asking, clinging to the hope that Mikey was just messing around with him.

“I told you. It doesn’t matter what he says, Leo needs some loving. I’m starting to see the appeal, dude, he’s kind of hot.” Mikey explained, each of his word like a sharp blade in Donnie’s soul. “He doesn’t want Raph, and you don't want him. He is right up my alley! So, why not give it a shot?” he concluded, winking, to a livid Donatello.

“Why do you keep saying that I don’t want him? I love Leo so damn much!” Donnie shouted, falling apart, not caring if someone could heard them. How could Mikey have made this reasoning in his little head? Was he oblivious to all how much Don was suffering from the situation? Don was pretty sure it was more than apparent that he was heartbroken. As always, nobody gave a damn about his true feelings. Suddenly, he regretted throwing away the morphine. He couldn’t stand the insanity of this conversation sober. He needed to be far away from the Dojo door, unreachable in the high, above all of this.

Mikey frowned, taking two steps back, looking worried, his hands raised in a peaceful gesture

“ Woooah. Calm down, Doc! I just want to get laid! Take a chill pill!”

Sharply, Don looked at Michelangelo. Of course! The little shit KNOWS! He knows that Donnie has been crushing and sniffing pills. That was the reason he allowed himself to pursue Leonardo. Donnie didn’t deserve the leader, anymore. He was just a piece of shit junkie.

“Fuck you, Mikey! You know nothing!” Don spat, shivering in rage, and took two steps closer to shove Mikey hard. “Go jerk off if you’re horny, but don't you dare touch Leonardo. He deserves better than a quick fuck! And, anyway, he said it himself. He doesn’t want feelings in this team!”

Hypocrite much, Donnie?, he asked himself. He was reminding Mikey about Leo’s rules, but had been about to break them himself for his own benefit. He wanted so badly to tell Leo that he regretted with every fiber of his being what he had said in the lab earlier. But it wasn’t the same thing, Don tried to convince himself. Mikey only wanted sex, but Donnie was far beyond that. Donatello’s goal was more noble and serious. He wanted to be at the leader’s side, and be cuddled and stroked, and listen to sweet nothings. He wanted to give Leo as much happiness, too.  It was about true love and not just popping a cherry.

“Dude, what happened to you? You’ve been cooler than Leo himself the last few weeks. Why are you taking this so badly? You all get to have sex with Leo, why can’t I? I won’t get obsessed like you were,” he sneered. The doubt was screaming out from Mikey’s features. This was bad.

Donnie’s last fix had been eight hours ago, and he was surely exposing how edgy he felt. He was conscious of screaming, but couldn’t stop it. He couldn’t tell Mikey. He couldn’t shatter his little brother’s perception of him. Don still wanted to be thought of as smart, competent and capable enough to be their medic... the loss of their trust and esteem was frightening. And he didn't want to be a bad example to Mike. Don hated the thought of impressionable Mikey following him down this path. And Leo, oh god. Dread filled him from only thinking about what would happen if the leader knew about his morphine addiction. But it wasn’t a true addiction, was it? Earlier, he had thrown away the whole stash. He was ready to change, he was ready to do anything for a little love and understanding. He just needed a chance. Maybe he just had to confess. It wasn’t the first time that he had this idea popping in his mind. Leo might be indulgent. Leo had told him earlier that he was in love with Donatello. It wasn’t too late to beg his pardon.

Suddenly the Dojo’s door slid open, and Leo’s pissed off face appeared.

“I’m training! Go have your conversation somewhere else,” he growled, in front of the two turtles frozen in place. Before Donnie could get out of his stupor and ask a for a private moment to talk, Leo spat “Have a nice day, Donnie,” and violently slammed the door.

The sound of the slamming door shook Donnie to the core. Leo never slammed a door. It was too much. How he could have missed his chance? He had just fucked his entire life, AGAIN. Don didn't turn his fury against Mikey when the youngest reached for his shoulder, to prevent him from walking away. Donnie didn’t want to listen to another word about how alluring Leo’s ass was, or whatever. He was already burning in hell. He didn’t need a match.

Like a zombie, Don returned to his lab, not bothering to lock the door, and crashed into his chair.

Leo was mad at him.

Mikey was hitting on Leo.

Could Donnie just curl up on the floor and die, already?

Of course, if Leo wanted someone to warm his bed, it would be Mikey. The youngest still had clean hands and a pure body. Mikey wasn’t broken and tainted like Donnie was. They would feel happiness without having to be high to escape pain, as Donatello did. And Donnie would have to do more morphine, just to stomach their happiness.

Donnie had a good two-hour breakdown, choking in his tears, too destroyed to do a thing about it. He didn’t even try to scheme, to prevent Michelangelo from scoring with Leo. Last time, that didn’t end well, and Don had learned his lesson. Anyway, he was too tired to fight. Donnie wasn't a fighter, only a dreamer, now lost in a nightmare.  He needed his morphine, to be less alive, to cut the connection between his heart and his brain. How could he have been such an idiot and throw his first aid kit into the sewage? It would be days before he could take another batch. His muscles were beginning to ache, and the feeling wasn’t just a craving anymore. His body really needed the drug, and he couldn’t afford to be seen in physical withdrawal. Don would buy more morphine later and take the Suboxone to maintain. He opened the drawer, wondering why the sub box wasn’t visible, when the answer hit him.

Oh, no. Nonono...the suboxone! What had he done? The subs were in the box, on the very bottom. Donatello had been meticulous about resupplying. While a backup plan had been comforting, he hadn't needed to use them for so long that he had forgotten they were in the box. There would not be enough time to order more, before... he didn't want to think about that. Instead, Don stood there in a daze, calculating the time it took to acquire and tumble cryptocurrency, the possibility of blockchain transaction times or shipping delays. Five days, at least, if all went smoothly... but lately, nothing did. Not for him. Hopefully, April didn’t care about him enough to become suspicious about another package delivery arriving so soon. Anyway, he didn’t have a choice.

He would be dope sick for one week. How could he train in this condition? He couldn’t, and Leo would be even more pissed off at him.

With a sigh, Don began the laborious steps to acquire his new supplies on the darkmarket, while he was still able to hold in any screams from the physical pain of the withdraw. He knew what the symptoms would be. In a couple of hours, he would feel agitation, anxiety, watery eyes, runny nose, sneezing, drenching sweats, tremors, muscle aches, tachycardia, irritability, extreme emotional lability, and insomnia. A little later, abdominal cramping, diarrhea, vomiting, goosebumps, shivering, and pupil dilation would appear. While he endured this physical and emotional agony, Leo would barge through the door, demanding that Don come with him to do jumping jacks and spar. Nobody could see him in this state. Clever Leo, the least of all.

Despite his aching muscles, Don pushed the cupboard and his desk in front of the door. Leo could pick the lock, but he wouldn’t be able to open the door. Donatello was now in quarantine. Too bad if that left a clear path to the leader for Michelangelo. Anyway, if he survived this gruesome week, he would be too high to care. Fuck the 30 mg limit.

He should have dived into the water treatment tanks with his stash, Don thought, his face in his hands, and drown in water as dark blue as Leo’s eyes instead of in his misery.

 


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture: by SkyeChristal and Yukarishii  
> Beta is half done. I was too in a hurry to post it. Will edit the second half, in the next days. I beg my reader's pardon, for my impatience.

 

 

 

 

He put down his chewed colored pencil, the drawing finished. He could tell that it was indeed cute, and it was strange how the drawing was beautiful while he felt so much like shit. It was a shame that the dark blue-gray colored one had broken just when he was doing the eyes, but Don had felt a moment of weakness, not able to bear the aching anymore. So, he had made Leo’s eyes brown. It wasn’t as if Donnie could ask to borrow Mikey’s art supplies.

He had tried to keep track of time, to not fall too far into insanity. It was now four days that he had been there, sweating out the poison through every pore, in absolute agony, but thinking of nothing but having a shot again. Don knew that, when the physical suffering would be over, the more unbearable pain would begin.

His brothers had tried to make him get out of the lab. Not the first evening, but the next morning. The first few times, Leo’s voice had been firm and cold.

“Donatello, it’s breakfast time.”

The scientist had replied that he wasn’t hungry, with the least-shaking voice he could manage. All of his nerves felt as if they were on fire. He genuinely didn’t feel at all like eating, when he knew that he would puke right afterwards.

Leo grumbled a muffled “Suit yourself”, and turned his back on Don, who was curled up on the lab floor, tormented by atrocious abdominal cramping.

The leader had tried again two hours later, at the hour for dreadful training. Despite his logical mind, Donnie had genuinely believed that he was going to die from the suffering. He knew that withdrawal was often compared to a nasty case of the flu, but he had never had influenza.

That was the reason he gave anyway, as he tried not to break into sobs.

“I think I’m sick, Leo. I’m sorry. I can’t make it for practice.” he stammered.

Never had someone given such an affront to the leader. Outraged to have to repeat an order, Leo did it anyway, growling “Open this door, now!” in a spine-chilling way.

Don curled up even tighter, his knees on his upper- plastron. He couldn’t fight Leo. He didn’t have the will, nor the strength. But he still had  to try, even in his pitiful state.

“No” he replied with his eyes shut, as if he feared that Leo’s laser beam eyes could melt the door to see him.

He knew that Leo was bewildered by his refusal. Donnie had never sassed Leonardo. Master Splinter, sometimes, but Leo, never. Donatello wasn't stupid, despite his recent lack of judgment. He knew the leader. Leonardo couldn’t accept this rebellious behavior. If he let Donnie skip morning practice, Mikey and Raph would be the next to contest his orders and Leo’s life and position would be even more difficult. Donnie didn’t mean to be so much trouble, but he had no choice. Leo couldn’t see him in this shape.

Now the leader banged on the door, as Donnie had expected. He let a scared whimper escape. Leonardo was furious.

“Open the door, Donatello. I won’t accept a “No” from you! I have been too tolerant already with your past misdemeanors! For each minute I wait here, you will give me fifty more push-ups on the board!”

How could Donnie argue back when all his body was trembling in pain? He tried anyway, in the quietest way he could.

“I swear to you, Leo, I don’t mean to annoy you. I just can’t open the door. I think I’m contagious. Please, go away.” the genius pleaded.

The leader remained silent for a moment. Then he spoke, hesitant, in an uncertain way that the genius had never heard before from the Fearless Leader.

“Well, Donnie... If you say so, I will allow you a day off. But it's the first and last time you skip training.”

Don’s fist clenched up against his plastron as he felt a surge of pain. His skin was covered in slimy sweat and goosebumps, He almost hated Leo at this exact moment. How couldn’t the leader feel his distress, standing just a few feet away? Leo couldn’t see him on the floor behind the locked metal door, but Donnie had the irrational thought that the leader must feel his distress and suffering if he really loved and cared for Donnie even for one day. So Don didn’t answer and waited, because there was nothing more he could do than wait and suffer.

The next day was worse. The period from 48 to 72 hours after the last dose was the most excruciating.The pain was unbearable, and Don couldn’t manage to be coherent when Leo came to get him for breakfast.

“Don. You didn't eat anything yesterday. You might be sick, but starving yourself won't help you get better. Mikey will prepare you hot oatmeal.” the leader pleaded.

“I had an energy bar.”

It was kind of true. Don loved the chocolate peanut butter Clif bars. When April was bringing them treats, she always gave a box to Donnie, in secret, so Mikey would not eat them all. To last through his ordeal he had tap water, six bars, and no appetite - so eating was the least of his concerns. Not dying from pain was a much higher priority. Helpfully for him, he had his own toilet. Don was emptying himself from both ends.

“Hamato Donatello. Open the door. Now!”

It didn’t take a genius to tell that Leo was beyond pissed, and that if he could reach Donnie, he would kick his shell to New Zealand. Even if Leo was spitting lava, Don wouldn’t open the door. He heard the leader testing the lock.

“I had some energy bars,” Don repeated, weakly.

“That’s it. You asked for it, Donatello. I will smash down the door.” Leo snapped.

Don uttered a sigh of frustration. This stubborn bastard would try.

“You can’t. The cupboard and my desk are blocking the door. You will only hurt yourself. Please. I’ve caused enough damage to this family, without you breaking your shoulder or your arm for me. I’m not in a state to heal you. Please.” Donatello genuinely begged.  “Leave me alone. I’m fine. I had an energy bar.”

“Why have you locked yourself up, Donnie?” Leo asked. His tone showed how much he was worried about someone for whom he wasn’t supposed to feel anything for anymore. “Why would you go to so much trouble to keep me away from you, if you are sick?”

Nausea took Donnie, and he chewed his lips. If he opened them, he knew that he would puke again. But if he didn’t answer, Leo would break through the door with the ShellRaiser from the garage. It was inevitable.  Pushed to his breaking point, Leo could be more reckless than Raph.

“I...I’m contagious. And you are such a caring brother. Didn’t want to give you this bad virus and make you ill. And I admit that I wanted to make sure you couldn’t drag me into the Dojo.” 

Perhaps faking laziness would make the leader drop it. Anyway, it was an excuse that Leo would accept. He was always accusing his brothers of slacking on training. Muffled by the door, he heard Raphael protest, instead of Leo.

“He’s only playing mind games with ya, Fearless. He is such an attention whore when it comes to you. Ya know that. He already got himself shot to...”

“Silence! I don’t want to hear anything out of you. Do you believe you can help me smash down the door?” Leo asked sharply, with a hint of anxiety.

Don opened his mouth to give a quick protest, but twisted by nausea and stomach cramps, he threw up after only uttering a “please”.

“Maybe Don is really sick? I don’t think that he would lock himself up and starve, then skip training. He knows it would piss Leo off. Now, he isn’t obeying direct orders. Why would he provoke Leo like that without a good reason?” Mikey asked. “Don has made some mistakes, but I think we can trust his judgment about his own health. Besides, Raph has still a weak shoulder, and..”

“I ain't weak!” the hot head roared. What seemed like the beginning of a fight could be heard from the lab.

“I agree with you, Mikey. I don't think Donnie is faking this to get my attention. Maybe he had feelings for me before, but now he is over them. Ninja have goals, not emotions.” The leader’s voice was once again all business. “Donatello. We will leave you alone. You have your T-Phone. Call me, if you need anything.”

Donnie wiped his dirty chin, murmuring agreement.

 

The third day, each of his brothers came to ask if Donnie was fine, even Raphael. Leo had come so often, wondering if Don was alright, asking for a list of symptoms and the name of the disease, that Donnie thought he must have hallucinated most of it. Perhaps it was only a nightmare. No way the real Leonardo would be such a persistent annoyance. But when his T-Phone vibrated almost continually, Don couldn’t ignore it, despite knowing the call would only mean trouble. It was like forever that the device buzzed and rattled on his desk. The sound was like sharp razor blade inside his head. Hmmm. Sharp razor blades, Donnie thought. Yes, that would be so good, to have new blue pills to crush and snort, and then all his pain would go away. He would feel so light, floating above them all, like an endless daydream. He almost had a boner thinking about it. The damn vibration was still there, and with slow movements, Don managed to grab the T-Phone.

“Yeah? What’s up, Leo?” he whispered, dizzy, but still attempting to sound casual.

“I want a picture. A photo of you, now.” the leader asked, in an authoritative tone. “I need to see that you are indeed sick, but otherwise fine.”

Don didn’t bother to argue. He was too weak for a fight, and Leo never backed off from an idea even if Shredder set him on fire. Leo had hung up before Don could oppose the request anway. Leo had used his leader’s voice, which usually sent shivers down Donnie’s spine and compelled him to obey whatever Leo was asking. Laying on his shell on the lab floor, he took a selfie. It wasn’t a bad idea. Don didn't know or care what he looked like, but Leo will see that it wasn’t fake, that he really was sick, and leave him the fuck alone.

For an instant, Don worried that Leo would call back, but he didn’t. Crawling on the floor again, toward the toilet, he was suffering too much to startle when a harsh “bang” sounded on the metal door.

“Open this fucking door, Donnie!! Raph! Mikey! Come here!”

Donatello didn’t know what Leo was using to try to force open the door. Maybe the coffee table or a chair. But he had said the F-word, and that was pretty disturbing. He heard his other brothers asking what the commotion was about and the leader urgently explained.

“Don has poisoned himself. Maybe arsenic or I don’t know what kinds of poison he has in his lab. He is much more sick than we thought. An ordinary illness couldn’t cause that much damage!”

“If only,” Donnie thought. His picture must be really bad for the calm leader to overreact that much. Donatello took a look at it. He grimaced with disgust. His green skin was a nasty olive-green hue, his cheeks hollow, and his eyes encircled by dark spots as if Don had not shut his eyes for years. The sweat itself was visible in the photo, and he regretted having installed high-definition cameras for the photographic application of their T-Phones. He was less attractive than ever, and good for an anti-drug ad. Donatello understood that the leader must be sincerely alarmed to see the devastation on his features. He had to calm him down, before Leo smoked the lab to make him come out like a fox from his lair. Donnie shouted weakly.

“You’ve read “Madame Bovary” or some other romance novels, Leo. I didn’t have any poison in here.” he tried to joke.

It was true. He had nothing left of, and was craving for, what Leo would probably call a poison. He was expecting the delivery in maybe two days. Two days to wait. Then, fuck sniffing. Too mild. He would shoot up again. That method of administration wasted the least amount of drugs. He had been wise to purchase both pills and liquid morphine. He had changed his method to snorting powder to avoid too many questionable bruises on him, thinking it was more sneaky, but now nobody would care. Raph hated the attention  Donatello was getting, and Mikey and Leo would be too busy fucking each other’s brains out. He could always alternate between the two methods, to stay careful, in case that somebody looked at him one day.

“You know I’m not exaggerating. I’m not the one who makes useless drama all the time!” Leo snapped, indignant.

The leader seemed pissed, and the genius supposed it was because of his comment about romance novels. He just meant to be lighthearted, to not worry them too much, to spare their feeling, but now frustration took him over too. Was Leo insinuating that Donnie was making useless drama?

Mikey jumped in, eager to put in his two cents. if anyone enjoyed drama, it was him. Not Donnie.

“Not cool, dude. Leo is worried. We all are. Why are you making fun of him? Now grow up, and open the door! We just want to see you! Leo will break the door if you don’t, and I’ll help him.”

“Fearless and knucklehead are right, Donnie. Maybe yer contagious, but we won’t make out with ya or anything. Just want to be sure yer not dying or whatever.”

Now they were a tag team taking turns against him, and Don was incensed. Why wasn’t he allowed to suffer quietly, alone? Why were they making such a big deal out of it? Leo had pushed him into despair, and now he was overreacting about a closed door. Leo was the one making useless drama, not him.

“He will smash the door, blah, blah, blah. Wouldn’t you rather he smash your back door, Michelangelo?” the genius sneered.”Stop it already all of you, with your group intervention. It’s too late to care,” he spat with all his strength, pressing his fists onto his plastron. He didn’t have to be verbally kicked in the nuts, when all his body was throbbing so damn much.

“Donnie!” Leo squeaked, “What are you talking about? Why do you say it is too late to care? Are you…”

“Go fuck Mikey, and leave me the fuck alone!” Don didn’t know if he had thought it or shouted aloud. Probably the latter, but he didn’t care no matter how much the leader couldn’t stand cursing. When you suffered to at level fifteen on the pain scale, you didn't have to give a damn about what others would think. Donnie had never been sick, and never seriously injured before the jade tiger stealing incident. Couldn’t he be allowed to be, once in his damn miserable, life? He didn’t ask for anything except the freedom to twist on the floor in pain, alone.

Suddenly, Don told himself that he was done with all of this. He would shut them down, even without his blessed morphine. Still crawling, he found the noise-canceling headphones that he often used to be able to focus on his work despite Mikey’s endless chatting. Leo could scream out his lungs, Don wouldn’t hear a thing. Leo could break through and find him almost dead on the floor; it didn’t matter. He wasn’t Donnie, the sweet genius anymore, so easily scared. He was only a putrid empty shell. Leo could make some cool furniture for his bedroom with it. It wasn’t important.

The door stayed closed.

The fourth day, Donatello was in better shape, kind of. He was still craving the drug, but his body wasn’t aching without stopping anymore. But he felt weak. He had eaten the last four energy bar but needed something else. But he knew that he could get out, already. Leo would corner him, and interrogate him, with maybe Mikey’s scent on him, and the idea was repulsing to turn knots in his stomach. He couldn't stand it without morphine. He needed to wait that April comes over with his new supply.

To keep his mind occupied, he was writing and drawing. He had tried to think of protective inventions to increase the security of the lair. There were no signs so far that government agents had found something relevant about them, and even less, where was their lair. But, still, he was his job. He had tried to play online poker, to have still an income. It was in this way that he got the most of his earnings, but he couldn’t focus, and he lost. So, he stopped before doing more damage to his saving. He tried desperately to keep busy but his mind turned despite himself toward the leader.

And there, he was looking at his drawing of Leo. The leader was doing his kata, his posture steady, his moves, sharp, and his expression, all focused. How Mikey I qualified the leader’s eyes already? Laser beam? And his thighs? There were so well enlightened in the drawing, and his mouth becomes dry to think about being ridden by these powerful thighs. But maybe it was only the lack of morphine. Anyway, he could have Leonardo. Leo was back-order, and there was no substitute for him on the dark market. Hopefully, buying morphine was far less complicated, and the enjoyment was a guarantee.

Donatello turned on his T-Phone. Since the day before, it was turned off, to prevent Leonardo to contact him, but he needed to see if April had texted him. She didn’t, and disappointed, he hit his desk with his fist, in frustration.

The scientist waited, his mahogany eyes were doing back and forth from the phone to Leo’s drawing, to his syringe. Hopefully, he had many of them, and so didn’t have to buy new ones. Then, he seemed to him that Leo’ brown eyes were really looking at him, in a severe expression, and unable to bear the leader frow at him, he turned over the drawing, keeping his sole attention to the syringe. The sting of it would be soooo good. Even nicer than Leo’s cock when the leader was ramming into him. He was so itching for it, that he was about to use it, just to feel, when his T-Phone vibrate.

Ecstatic, he saw that, indeed, April was the caller.

“Do you have my package?” he asked, not bothering to use a mere salutation.

April seemed stunned.

“Yeah. But you weren't answering, and Leo told me you were dead sick and contagious, and so Leo asked me to wait that you were..”

“Bullshit!” Don yelled. “I’m fine, now. Come over and..” Then he stopped himself. If April enters here, all of his brother would follow her, and won’t let Don live it down. He won’t be able to get high in damn peace.

“No. I’m will come. What time is it? 8 pm? Great. Let me sneak out of here, and I will be there!”

“Sneaking? It didn’t seem careful Donnie; you were sick, and…”

“I'm’ perfectly able to take care of myself, April, thank you very much. I studied medicine and you didn’t.” Don snapped. “I’m here in one hour, max. Don’t worry. I take my package, and I fly away. I won’t bother you staying.”

“But, Donnie, I was looking forward to having a chat with you. I don’t see you anymore, and..”April protested.

“I’m not in the mood doing your homework. Next time, I promise you.”

Before April could add something, Don hangs on.

Sneaking had been easy. Leo couldn’t check the garage door, and the lab door, at the same time. Nobody could have guessed that Donnie after being locked up, would flee by the garage.

He didn’t even bother to knock on the window and jumped in April’s apartment. He needed his release, after such hellish days. Now.

“Where it is?” he wondered in a frenzy.

April who was sitting on her sofa, reading, frowned.

“On the kitchen table, but…”

“Great. I just need to go to your bathroom, one moment and then, me and my package will go away,” he grinned.

Donatello didn't wait, he grabbed his Fedex box under his arm, and locked himself in the bathroom. Eagerly, he opened it and tore open the yellow envelope and the smaller metallic inside to prevent X-ray to see the drugs. The decoy this time with a sample of cat food, and with a nervous gesture, he opened all it.

He filled the syringe, until 50 mg, and did a tourniquet with his bandana, and pierced his vein right away. The sting was delicious, and with a shiver of excitation, he pushed down the plunger. He waited one moment, eyes closed, to feel the release flowing into his bloodstream, and after, he carelessly cleans up the bathroom, putting it back in the yellow envelope.

“Thank April. You are really a precious friend,” he said, before leaving. “I have what I need for a while. You won’t receive any package before I’m out again. Goodbye”

He was ready to see his brothers again, now.

Donatello arrived happy, a couple of hours later. His brothers must be sleeping, and he entered in his lab a by the garage door, again. He had been gone longer than he thinks, gazing at the star, and eating a Mcdonalds bag abandoned that he had snatched. All was perfect now. This 50 mg shot had been incredible, and he was still high, when he turned on the light and, like a Villain in a James Bond movie, Leo turned toward him in his office chair.

“Why are you buying cat food?” he attacked, straightforward. Leo never loses time, aiming bullseye immediately. “You sneak out of the lab, when you were supposedly sick, leaving us, dying of worry. But, instead of comforting us, you go straight to April’s? Why?”

Donnie knew it was bad, but he stayed chill.

“I wanted my package,” he said, at it was obvious.

Leonardo frowned, probably stunned that Don wasn’t pissing himself in front of the leader wrath.

“April told me that she finds an empty bag of a sample of cat food. She didn’t have a cat. So, it was from your package. And you still didn’t answer. Why it was so important for you to have your package of cat food when I was so concerned about you?”

“ Concerned, Leo? You?” Don sneered.” You told me that you wouldn’t feel anything, and if there one person able to manage to be insensitive, it’s you. You, and maybe Joseph Stalin. But, he is dead, now, so the crown of steel is for you, only, Leonardo”, the genius mocked. 

Leo opened in eyes wides, stammering. He hadn' expected to be talking back at. 

“You know, it's not true. I can’t afford to have a romantic feeling towards my teammates but…”

“I get that. You are horny, Lee. Go bang Mikey or something. You need leisure. Let me mine, I leave you your new cherry.” Don said idly, with a dismissing gesture.

“I won’t do anything with Mikey” the leader hissed. “I don't even know what you’re talking about.”

“Pfff, and you claim yourself a foreseen person,” Don replied, carelessly. “Anyway, it’s for you next sexbuddy’s cat. Mikey complained that Klunk was going fat, as if Mikey himself wasn’t eating all the time. Some pets are too similar to their owner...So, to please him, I made an experiment on cat food. For his kitty didn’t die of a health problem related to obesity” he lied, easily. “For Mikey, I ain't worried that much. You will make it burn the fat, in the Dojo as in your bedroom.”

Leo’s face twisted in anger, and Don told himself that Leo, when his eyes were flashing that way, was stunning. Maybe he would draw that, next time. Leonardo all flared up. Very less boring than his Mona Lisa smile.

In a quick move, Leo was on him and growled in Donnie’ unimpressed face.

“Don’t try to distract me. April told me she found blood too, in her bathroom. Yet you're not hurt,” the leader said, after looking up at him from the toe to the head."And she said you looked very cool, coming out of the bathroom, when you were so stressed out when you entered. Why were you bleeding?

Don shrugged.

“I cut myself on the paper envelope, maybe? As you just admit, I’m fine, so could you please not fuss over me for a papercut? A Ninja clan master had better thing to do.”

Leo narrowed his eyes. The ego stroke about calling him clan master didn’t seem to work. It was indeed true that while Master Splinter was away, Leo was the master. Well, too bad. He had nothing else to say to him.

“Could you please, you so-called ninja, stop letting blood evidence everywhere!” the eldest snapped, almost shaking in barely contained rage “We deal with enough threat because of your careless attitude.”

“ Chill out, Lee. I will be careful, responsible and all the stuff.” Don assured, with a tap on the leader’s shell. What an overgrown boy scout!

Leo disengages himself with a contemptuous expression.

"My name is Leonardo. Not Lee!“ he spat. “But, anyway, for you, now is only Sensei. Don't be late tomorrow for morning practice. You owe me, Donatello, and we will see if you keep your cool, in training.”

How surprising! Leo was thinking he could solve all the problems of the world with a good series of roundhouse kicks, did he?

“For Sparta!” Don sneered again, raising his fist in a mocking gesture. Leo was so predictable in his threat. “Don’t ever worry about me, Sensei,” he emphasized. “I’m fine. I handle the situation and myself, and all the lair's maintenance because I’m so multitasking. Now, everything will be alright. Trust me.” he declared with a lazy grin. “I will never have this illness again, I will make sure of it, and so, skipping training. I know how that matter to you. A so powerful leader had to have the training of his troop as his only concern” Donnie said, in a sweet voice, lying on the cot, “Don’t ever be worried for me, when I don't even worry about myself.” he concluded.

“You are not yourself, Donatello. And I will find out why!” Leo grunted before leaving.

“Whatever, prick,” Don mumbled, closing his eyes, to float better, far, far, away.

 


	28. Teaser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey. Chapter 28 is done, and it's the last, but it's verrrrrrrryyyyyyy long. Like big as 3 chapters. So, I don't know how long it would take to beta it.  
> So, here a preview, by Yukarishii of what you will discover in Chapter 28, in kind of the middle of the chapter.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to How do you do, for the beta of this awful long chapter and the picture.

Using 150 mg a day instead of 30 mg had emptied out his supply of drugs more quickly than Donnie had thought it would. Now he was out, again. It wasn’t his fault. He just needed more morphine now than he had before, to reach the place he wanted to be: far away.

He had run out, so it was the time to restock again. Being a mutant was a significant inconvenience.

Donatello knew that April would become suspicious. He was slowly driving himself into paranoia, trying every possible sneaky way to have his dose. He knew that the Leader also watched him closely. Leo was a frightening guardian. Sneaky, smart, and a stubborn bastard. He could feel the blue-steel gaze following and studying his every move. All that remained of Donnie’s big brain was used to fool Leonardo.

Hoping to be left in peace, Don took more Adderall to seem alert. He also ate the richest, densest food he could. Before, he had purged after meals to be able to eat the next one, but he was becoming too thin; it was easier to take just a few bites of high-calorie food. He was punctual arriving at the Dojo, tried hard to focus during training, and worked mostly outside of the lab. His brothers would leave him alone while he worked, so he stayed up all night messing with the TV, or the microwave, or even the toaster - blaming Leo for it the next day. So, he was high but useful, and just seemed lost in his work. Don wasn’t locked up alone, and so he appeared less suspicious.

He took long walks to fix the security cameras, and didn’t object to being accompanied by Mikey. Don knew that isolating himself would be a big giveaway, and so he didn’t.

The genius didn’t even lock his lab, as though he had nothing to hide. Anyway, any of his brothers could pick a lock, so what was the point of trying?

In the last week, helpfully, patrols had been calm. They had encountered Purple Dragons only three times in six weeks, and no other gangs. Don was grateful to Heaven for this. He knew he wouldn’t be useful in a real fight, high as fuck.

He went right back to shooting up in the first days, a new syringe always ready. He got his high in 35 seconds flat, and after cleaning up could get out of the lab. Ducking into the lab for less than 2 minutes to “grab his forgotten favorite mug” aroused no doubt about his behavior.

Well, that wasn’t all true. They asked many times about his changing moods, especially Mikey. Donnie had confessed to having a bipolarity problem since some recent events, and taking a pill as treatment. It was a bright lie. If Leo found a tablet on the ground by turtle luck, it would pass for medication.

Donnie had been shooting up five times a day until there no more liquid morphine left. Snorting was frustrating. The wait for release felt much too long at almost twenty minutes, and Don couldn’t stand not being high for long anymore. He tried to dissolve the pills, in desperation, despite many articles advising against it. He took scissors to a cotton ball and cut a small piece of fluff, rolled it into a ball, and tried to use it to filter liquid out of the mushy white mess. The soupy gunk just clogged the syringe, frustrating him immensely at the thought of wasting drugs. Unable to stand that possibility, he had drunk the nasty mess in the tablespoon and wished that he would have just snorted it. Now he would have to wait even longer than snorting to feel the effects.

Since that epic fail, it was back to snorting again until he bought more liquid morphine.

He just had to call April, now. He didn’t have any reason to be nervous at all.  It was only a regular delivery. They had been using April’s address for years, and that had never caused an issue before. Why would this time be any different? Anyway, it wasn’t as if he had a choice. He needed his morphine, and his supply of pills would last for less than a week. If he didn’t want to bear withdrawal again, he must restock fast.

Don braced himself and made the call.

 

Six days later, his patience was running low.

April denied having received his package the day before, and Don was anxious when he saw how few pills were left. So he had to try to space out his fixes, to make the morphine last as long as possible. His last dose had been just after dinner, five hours earlier. Hiding his edginess and twitching was fucking hard, but Don had no choice but to follow along on patrol. Besides, Leonardo had warned his team that they would include Casey in their patrol. For once, Donnie was glad about that. They would have to stop at April’s to pick him up, and then he would have his drugs.

At April’s place, he saw the package on the kitchen counter, but he couldn’t take it in front of his eldest brother. Don didn’t know in advance what kind of weird decoy the dealer had used, and couldn’t afford to look surprised in front of the leader, or guess incorrectly what was in the package. He only had to be patient, or he could wreck everything. It would be a delay of maybe only two or three hours. Patrols had been so quiet lately, that Leonardo might call it a night sooner than usual. They would accompany Casey to April’s, and then he just had to grab his box and go home, to have the delicious injection that he was craving.

Obviously, Don’s guardian angel had turned his back on him in disgust, just like everybody else had.

It was past 11 PM. Leo still looked concerned and vigilant. Suddenly, the leader spoke, and Don clung to the hope that it would be to give the call to return home.

“Let’s split into two teams. We will be more effective,” he decided, and Don struggled to restrain a yell of frustration. “Mikey and I will go east. Donnie, Raph and Casey, you go west.”

All of the looks exchanged between Raph and Leo, and their knowing nods, were lost on Donatello. The genius just cursed the delay with a sting in his heart, made even more painful because he guessed that Leo wanted to be alone with the youngest for a quick, hard fuck. Even high almost all the time, in the back of his mind there was still the souvenir of Leo’s hot, hard flesh against him, and the burn of Leo’s teeth leaving an aching trail for kisses to follow.

Leo had used Raph, and then him, and now Mikey. It was probably another leader’s privilege, having his own private harem. Donnie bit his lips, swallowing his distress, while Mikey and Leo disappeared. He must be patient and wait, and in a few hours, he would be in bliss, just like Mikey probably was now in a dark alley.

Each minute was agony. He looked at the time on his t-phone with a trembling hand. 12:45 pm. Six hours since his last dose, and Leo and Mikey had been gone for almost two hours. He let out a shaky breath. He couldn’t wait. Going back to April’s and then back to the lair would take almost one hour. It was past the limit his patience could bear. They must come back, now.

“There’s nothing to do here. We should go back…” Don said, trying to hide the hint of desperation in his voice.

Raph turned sharply his head toward him.

“Since when d’you call the shots, Don? If Fearless didn’t tell us to go back yet, we stay. Ya got shit to say about it.”

Don folded his arms around himself, quivering. Waiting for something to happen was useless. If the Purple Dragons or the Foot showed up soon, Don wouldn’t be in a state to fight back.

Donatello stayed silent for a good fifteen minutes, but again he couldn’t stand the wait. He urged Raphael:

“Just call Leo, already. There’s nothing to do. I don’t feel well, and it would be more cautious to go back home under these conditions.”

“No. Things don’t work like that in this team.” Raph replied, and Don threw his arms over his head, in a movement of exasperation.

“Since when do you go by his rules, anyway? You’re just giving Leo more time to screw Mikey. How can you bear that, Raph? You love him.” Don argued.

Golden green eyes stared right into his own, with a mysterious expression.

“Yes. I loved him,” Raphael admitted slowly. “I didn’t tell him at the time. I messed up big time with Leo. I just wanted to piss him off, and force him to stand up against Splinter for us. He said he wouldn’t because I only used him for sex, and that I didn’t love him because I was always out with Case. I told him that he was just a needy bitch. The fact is that I was tired of hiding, not knowing how to act anymore when he was in reach and I couldn’t kiss him. He was even more demanding as lover than as leader, but I couldn’t do shit in front of Master Splinter. I got tired of that fucked up situation, and lied to him to get a reaction. Maybe Leo loved me less than I thought, because he jumped at the chance to dump me.”

Donatello listened but without real attention. Raph’s and Leo’s story of love and sex wasn’t his concern, but the advancing time was.

“I was pissed off when Splinter gave you the right to court Leo. Maybe it was what I should have done. Grow a pair and talk to our father, instead of waiting for Leo to do it. Maybe it was like a kind of test, that Fearless gave me. To fight for him. He had a kind of Princess complex,” Raph sneered.  “He went away after that - Splinter, I mean. When I threw a fit at Dad, he told Leonardo “we must settle our differences”, but that it would be better without him around. He’s gonna get home soon, and, well, things are more fucked up then when he left.” the hot head grunted.

“Can we go, now?” Donnie asked again. Splinter, Leo, Raph, all of that didn’t matter. He didn’t want to remember the old times. He just wanted to get home and have his fix.

“No. We wait for Fearless’ signal.” Raph repeated with stubborn emphasis, and Donnie was done.

“Do what you want. I’m going home.” Donnie spat. He turned his shell to do just that, when he bumped into Casey’ chest. Before he could react further, Don felt metal contact his wrist. Stunned, he looked at the cufflink bound to Raph’s wrist.

Raph shook his finger derisively, right in front of Donnie running nose.

“Nuh uh, ya ain’t going nowhere, Brainiac. Yer stuck here with us, as long as Fearless says so.”

Now, Donatello was mad.

“How dare you? You can’t keep me prisoner. I’ll tell Leonardo!”

Raph shrugged.

“Whine to Leo all the fuck ya want. This is our Fearless Leader’s order. He told us to watch ya and be sure ya don't sneak away.”

Don swallowed heavily. It was a bad tactic, but in desperation to get out of this situation, he tried to taunt Raph’s pride.

“Since when you are Leo’s guard dog? You were so eager to seduce him again, and then  he chose Mikey over you, and now if he told you to jump you ask him how high?”

High. Please, I just want to get high and forget all of this.

“Leo isn’t into Mikey like ya think he is. And, for yer information, I act this way cuz my bro lost his mind. I'm done being angry and jealous. There’s more important things to deal with.” Raph replied darkly, and before Donnie could ask to which of them Raph alluding and what could be more important for Raphael than pounding into the leader, Raph’s t-phone rang. Trembling, Donnie tried to listen, to know if it was indeed Leonardo calling to tell them to go back to the sweet lair.

Donatello didn’t hear Leo’s voice, but Raph’s features twisted frighteningly. For a moment, Don forgot his craving for drugs, amazed to see Raphael at the verge of tears.

“Yeah, Fearless, I’m on it.” he said in a barely controlled voice. 

Raph hung up, and with an unreadable expression, he looked at the other turtle attached to his arm.

“Leo said that he’s back at the lair, cause he felt feverish,” Raph took a breath as if he was about to sob, but Don didn’t give it any thought. They would go back to the lair, and only that mattered. Raph continued. “Leo took your package from April’s. He, uh, knows you wanted to have it as soon as possible. He told me to go take Casey back to April’s. Mikey’s there, too.”

“I’m free?” Don asked eagerly. He almost cried out in relief when Raph released him, with a soft “Yeah.”

Donatello didn't even look back and started to run to the first manhole. Not having to stop at April’s was great. That was like twenty-five minutes saved. He was so far out of his mind over shooting up, just in a frenzy picturing himself pushing down the plunger, that he didn't bother to worry about Leo having actually his package.

He was so excited that he didn’t take a break during his long run until he reached the lair. Leo was nowhere to be seen in the common room. Glad to not have to waste time even talking to the leader, Don made a beeline for the lab.

Scanning the place with a greedy look, Don didn’t see his package. Maybe Leo had put in his bedroom, and went to bed because he was sick. Yeah, maybe. Don was the medic, and would have to check on his bedridden, feverish eldest brother, but not before he took his own medicine.

He couldn’t shoot up for now, but he had still some blue pills left for snorting. He could crush and snort one, then wait twenty minutes before seeing Leo. Afterwards, he could sleep for a few hours, and have his patience rewarded in the morning. Now that Don knew that the package was home, he wasn’t anxious anymore.

Donatello went to the cupboard, and searched on the shelf behind Leo’s souvenirs for his box. It was right behind the jade tiger, usually, but now, it wasn’t there! His heart pounding, Donnie tried to not let himself being carried away by panic.

He was sure that he still had three pills left, but the box didn’t only hold the pills. All his injection materials were gone, too! Even the mortar and pestle! Could he have gotten so high that he had moved his stash elsewhere? It couldn’t be!

Then a voice came from nowhere, filling him with dread.

“Don't look for your stash, Donatello. It's gone.”

Don turned around, his eyes wide. Leo was sitting on the floor, in a dark corner. How had he missed him before? Don had been in such a hurry to have his drugs that he fell into Leo’s trap. The leader wasn't looking at Donnie, but at something in his right hand. Donatello’s chest froze when he recognized that the leader was playing with a syringe. Don’s personal injection syringe to be more accurate.

Leo looked up, staring at him, his eyes shining like a cougar about to leap on his prey.

"I destroyed all of it. And your laptop, too," Leo said in low voice, and the realization fell onto Donnie like a brick wall. He couldn’t have his dose! Not today, not tomorrow! He would be in physical withdrawal again! He didn’t care about Leo’s judgment now. He needed his drugs. He knew very well that they was gone, and that it would be almost impossible to buy more. Leo would be closer to him than his shadow, as if they were damn siamese twins! All of his family would take the leader’s side and force a detox on him! The idea of a life free of morphine terrorized him. Don couldn’t bear it anymore.

"You've no right to do this! I own my life! I can have a private place, to do what I please in my free time." Don protested in an outrageous yell. “If I want to risk my life, I can!”

"No. You can be the maintenance guy, but all of the lair is MY place.” the leader replied in a low growl. “Didn’t you say, a long time ago, that you belong to me? I own you, Donnie, and I won't allow you to lose yourself in an artificial paradise." the leader threatened, snapping the syringe in half.

Don broke at this sight. All his fears were now concrete. How could he have been so careless? Now he was caught, and would never be able to escape this hell again.

"You took yourself away from me. You can't take away my last release," Don pleaded, tears of anger and distress running down his cheeks.

"I can, and I did..." Leo snapped, before Don heard the most heartbreaking sound ever. The Fearless Leader’s sobbing.

Tears flowed on Leo's face, and Donnie was amazed. He had never seen the leader cry before. He had heard a muffled sob, when Leo was locked-up in his room on the first day of this mess, but that had been unique.

"Leo..." he tried to say, quivering. Don needed his morphine, but he wasn't heartless. Leo’s hand reached him, touching Don’s face. He hadn’t seen Leo get close so fast.

"Maybe I can make you feel better… so that you don't need it, anymore..." he whispered, in such a wanton tone that Donnie’s breath caught in his throat. He deciphered in Leo’s tone an element of genuine love and desire, but with a layer of distress. Leo was upset and was willing to make a geisha of himself to heal Donatello’s addiction. It took a blink for the realization to sink into his mind, and Don got angry. What arrogance, for Leo to be flirtatious after all the hell Don went through!

“How dare you touch me again?” he grunted, shoving Leo far away from him.” How dare you try to mess me up even more? You destroyed me!” Don rampaged. ”You’re teasing me again, after having playing with my heart for months. Now, you think you can just smooch me like it will solve every problem?! I’m here, in hell, because of YOU! Don’t you dare lecture me. Don’t you dare try to fix me. You have missed the train, Leo! There’s nothing you can do but watch! Now that I’m all in pieces, at the bottom of the cliff, you can’t do a damn thing. You provided the fuel which drove me here, so you can’t blame me.”

Leo stayed still, his hand raised, but didn’t touch Don again. Donatello knew he must look scary with his dilated pupils, and his sweaty face twisted by anger. Hopefully Leo was a clever enough son of a bitch to leave him alone, because after destroying his stash and his computer, and flirting with him right after, Donnie could have hit him. Damn the respect.

“I get that…” Leo said slowly. ”I have often been dishonest with you. You are right. All of this is my fault, not yours, Donnie… None of this is you. I blame myself for not having noticed how wounded you were…”

“Please, don’t throw yourself a pity party, here.” Don cut in, sharply. “You have been a dick, Leo. A selfish dick. I know it. You know it. But, as I said, it’s too late. I’ve replaced you.”

“With a drug?” Leo asked, with a contempt that Donnie couldn’t stand. Leo could despise him all he wanted, after Don had fixed.

“Yes, I’m a junkie.” he admitted in a mocking tone. “And now that you have spoiled my stash, I must restock.”

“You can’t,” Leo quickly quipped. “You don’t have a computer anymore.”

Donnie stayed silent a minute in front of his naive brother. Should he spare his feelings, and let him believe that now Don had no choice but to be free of the drug? No. He was tired of lies.

“I would only have to take more risks, Leonardo. I will go topside, looking in dark alleyways to find a dealer. They won't care what my face looks like, as long as I have cash. As for the cash,” he continued quietly, seeing Leo was opening his mouth, “I will steal it. You already know I’m a thief. I stole for you. I will steal for your substitute the same way.”

He could tell that Leo was shocked. Probably, the leader hadn’t expected that Donnie was so addicted. Leonardo probably expected that his flesh would tempt the genius enough to just drop morphine, and that his big cock provided more high than a tiny needle. Well, Leo was a smug bastard.

Leo didn’t try to argue or fight back, and for once his face showed how young he was. Just a poor teenage mutant turtle. Don stayed there, not daring to run, knowing very well that the leader would catch him. He must tame Leonardo’s defiance, and then find a way to deceive him. So Don just looked, studying the turtle in front of him with a faked calmness.

Leo had been chosen to be the leader at 14 years old, but in fact, he had been crushed under responsibility since the day he had been able to walk. When Splinter was topside, scavenging, Leo was always the one left in charge. There were no legitimate reason, because they were all the same age. It must have been stressful. Leo had been forced to enforce respect, even if he wasn’t really the eldest, or the tallest, or the strongest, or the smartest, or the cutest (Michelangelo took that title for himself). Leo had nothing very special, except being a quiet kid, and maybe dedication. Splinter never stood up for Leo at the time, explaining to him that he had to earn respect by himself.

Don suddenly remembered their first refusals to be bossed around by Leo, when they were turtle tots. Their mockery, their defiance, their disobedience, and even Raph’s spit and punches. When he was maybe six or seven years old, Leo cried when he was called “Lame-onardo.” He was indeed very sensitive, liking poetry and art, but he had less and less time to do what he pleased, having to handle a bunch of brats. Donnie wasn’t the worst, but he had been mean too until they were nearly ten.

Maybe that had been hard, but Leo managed to become considered the real leader without anybody contesting it, anymore. It was the mask, Donnie thought. Leo’s Fearless Leader mask. He was like a Greek actor, wearing a female mask with so much conviction that there weren't men on the stage anymore for the crowd. When he had the mask on, his voice, his stance weren't the same. Leo’s self was so far hidden behind this mask, that it was like it was the identity he was born with, swallowing the original one altogether.

It seemed irrelevant to think about their childhood in this present situation, but Don couldn’t help but draw the comparison.

“Morphine is my crutch, as the Fearless mask is yours. We are both afraid of our feelings. You choked yours, and I’m just following your path.”

It was only pointing out a fact, and Donnie didn’t put any emotion in it, but the declaration seemed to hit Leo like a sucker punch in the guts.

“Donnie, please listen to me…”

“No. Spare me the “drugs are bad” lecture.” Don hissed. He turned his back to leave the lab, but Leo’s voice ensnared him like a kusari-fundo.

“Donatello, stay down.”

Don quivered from head to the toe. Leo was using his commander’s voice on him, and despite his desire to just spit in Leo’s face, Don held still. He had been trained to the core all his life to respond to his leader’s voice. He hated feeling like a trained Doberman, but Donnie found himself having obeyed the order.

“ I won’t...talk to you about your drug addiction, but please listen to what I have to say”, the leader begged. “I love you…”

“Don’t!” Donnie yelped, as if he had been burned. “I don’t want to listen to your manic-depressive bullshit.” How could Leo begin his speech with such a dangerous, outrageous lie?

Leo threw his arms around Donatello, and even if the gesture was loving, Don felt threatened and began hyperventilating.

“No, stay,” Leo sobbed, his face in the hollow of Donnie’s long neck. The genius felt his collarbone wet with tears, and the leader’s body shaking against his. “Let me only talk about me, the real me. I won’t dare judge you, blame you or lecture you. Just listen, please.”

“Let me...find something. I’ll listen to you after, Leo.” Don pleaded. It was the only way out. Bending to Leo’s will, asking permission, and then getting high, to listen to him without giving a damn. “Please, let me go. It’s been almost eight hours since my last dose, and I  really need it.”

Leo straightened to look at him, and Don was shocked to see how red and puffy Leo’ s eyes were.

“I’m sorry, Donnie. I can’t allow it, because I won’t be able to reach you. I can be the real Leonardo, but I need the real Donatello with me to do it.” he begged in a humble voice.

Hearing that his false submission hadn’t worked, Don thrashed in Leo’s arms, smashing into the lab’s furniture. The motherfucker only tightened his vice-grip.

“Fuck you, Leo! I won’t listen to you!” Donatello yelled.

“Shush. Don’t fight me, please, Donnie. I don't want to hurt you by accident. Listen.” Leo pleaded. “I had sex with Raph at first, because I’d been longing for you for so long, Donatello.”

Donnie snickered a curse, trying to break free again, but the leader didn’t listen.

“I admired you from afar. Your grace, your sweetness, your diligence, and your gorgeous mahogany eyes.” Leo said tenderly, stroking Don’s cheek. Through tiredness and weakness, more than submission, Don’s struggles began to lessen. “I was about to tell you my feelings. But then April came, and I become invisible to you. Just a boring eldest brother. So, I I shut them down. I was used to doing so, but this time, it wasnt that easy.” he confessed. “Then, one night, Raph came to me, and...we had sex. It wasn’t what I had pictured, but, it wasn’t bad either. Raph was a passionate lover.”

Donatello tried to free himself again. He wasn't ready to hear this. Not sober, and even worse, going cold turkey.

“Raph was dominant in the bedroom, never wanting to swap positions, and I wondered if it was a kind of payback for me bossing him around the day. But I didn’t want to be alone, and I believed that I was falling in love with him. Maybe I was, but our relationship wasn’t what I needed. He was cold during the day, and treated me carelessly at night. Nobody was aware of our relationship, because he fought with me like he always did. For me, it was a big giveaway that something was wrong, that we could fool all of you so easily.”

Leo’s voice was deep and soft. Feeling that Donatello was less aggressive, he loosened his grip to look seriously at Don’s face.

“When Raph said that he had cheated on me, I had mixed feelings, but I couldn't let them bubble out… Sensei told me that I must not show weakness in front of my subordinates.”

“God damn it, Leo. We are your brothers. Not little soldiers.” Don hissed. “Anyway, I won’t stay here to listen to your speech about the burdens of a leader. If they are too heavy for you, just resign.”

Leave it to Leo to talk about himself as if he was the pitiful one, when his little brother was there on the verge of physical withdrawal.

Leo closed his eyes.

“I wanted to, many times. I asked Master Splinter to change his mind. It was only then, after my break up with Raphael, that he allowed me to walk this road with a mate, but it had to be you. Sensei said that… I needed an easy-going mate, who never threatened my position, and that I was not allowed to chose Raphael. I felt torn and rebellious for the first time. Because I wasn't allowed to have him, I wanted Raph, and I still thought I might be in love with him. At the same time, I was convinced that he had been unfaithful, and so I used you as a tool to make him jealous…”

Donatello knew this part of the story too well, and tried to stop listening. He struggled to think of a way to break free, and run away topside to find morphine. He would probably have to hurt Leo in the process, even if he didn’t want to. He was reflecting on that likelihood when Leo’s lips brushed against his cheek.

“Tell me,” the leader whispered. ”What do you know about starfish?”

All combativity left Donatello right away when he heard this. His knowledge was solicited, and the field of the question was scientific, and not emotional. Suddenly, the contact didn't feel that bad. Leo’s breath was warm, his scent sweet, and his arms soft. He felt kind of comforted, enough to consider the leader’s question. What did he know about starfish? Don knew that it was more of a rhetorical question, and that he would finally learn the reason behind his weird so-called Valentine’s gift. He now felt slack and mellow. Mood swings were caused by the lack of drugs, his brained warn him, but in a mechanical voice, Don answered anyway:

“Starfish are marine invertebrates. They typically have a central disc and five arms, though some species have a larger number of arms…”

“Tell me about their color….” Leo breathed into his ear.

“Many species are brightly colored in various shades of red or orange, while others are blue, grey or brown” Don carried on.

“ Yes…” Leo replied dreamily. “Maybe there is a blue starfish, somewhere, but it wasn’t what I saw in the depths of the river.”

There, it was. Leo had confessed to making a swan dive in the East of the Hudson River.  Leonardo had admitted attempting to take his own life, and the huge confession shocked Don a little, even if he had already known. He stayed silent and still in the circle of the leader’s arms.

“I wanted to die. Raphael was so angry. I wanted to fall in love with you, but I knew I would mess up the team.” the leader explained. ”I wasn’t sure what my real feelings were, because I was too used to burying them. I wasn’t sure if I truly cared for you, or if it was just an unconscious response to our Sensei’s wish. I didn’t want to ruin our family, being with one of you, the other one jealous, and then poor Mikey all alone. Still, I wasn't able to bear life without a loving mate. You had been so sweet to me… And, well, I dove. But what I saw under the water made me think.”

Leo drew in a shaky breath, and Don noticed that he was shaking himself. The physical withdrawal symptoms would show more explicitly in about one hour. When Don started puking on him, maybe Leo wouldn’t cuddle him so closely. Leo’s silence stretched out until Donnie couldn’t tell how long Leo had been overwhelmed by his feelings.

“There were two starfish, orange and red, one above the other. Maybe they were having sex or one was eating another, I don’t know. You know I don’t have your knowledge.” Leo giggled sadly. “There was also a purple one, alone… and no blue at all. I took it as a sign, I guess. I didn’t want you to be alone, Don. It seemed like that starfish would rather die than be left that way,” he said, as if explained everything.

“What a twisted way of thinking! Anyway, that means nothing at all! You were still cold to me. You acted like a jerk, until the day I was shot.” Don countered.

“I know. I was afraid of my feelings, and I didn’t know how to express them. I didn't want to upset Raph either, and turn the house into chaos!” Leo tried to validate his actions. “I tried to arouse your interest towards April again, because my decision would be far easier if you weren’t attracted to me anymore. What can I say? The Fearless one was a coward.”

“I don’t believe you.” Don spat. The mention of April had reminded him of his ruined package, and he was incensed. “You only feel bad because I’m a junkie now, after you played darts with my heart! You left me in the dust pretty quickly, when you knew that I had… made some  mistakes.”

“Some mistakes?” Leo retorted incredulously. “You stole a Ming Dynasty antique, got shot, left blood evidence of our existence, and then tried to get rid of Raphael, your brother! I may be madly in love with you, but those were things I couldn’t accept. You gambled with Raph’s well-being. I still love him as a brother. As I cherish Mikey. I’m in love with you, but our brothers are still dear to my heart. I’m not talking about me being sold for a bike -”

Leo took a deep breath.

“Donnie. It may be true that I acted like a dick, as you said, but you acted like a ruthless lunatic. I can tell you now that I love you, and I don't care what the others will say. I won't hide my attraction toward you anymore. I knew the day that I broke up with you that I was crushing my own heart, and I still did it for the sake of our family. But this isn’t about the family anymore. This about you. Us.”

Then lips were on his, and Don tasted Leo’s salted sorrow, before he could pull back. The kiss was soft, and supplicating.

“You are my other half, Donnie. Pliant when I’m stiff, logical when I'm too emotional. Raph is okay with this, and Mikey too. I’m sure now, that it’s a good decision. Please, Donnie, be with me. I will make you forget everything your drug might give you.”

Leo laid Don back on the cot, kissing him again, and Donnie passively allowed it. He wasn't out of it enough to not notice that Leo was sincere. Leo’s lips were soft, and his kisses were very loving, he could tell. The jade-colored hands were stroking, him, touching him at the exact places to make him melt, but even if Donnie could tell it was nice, it wasn’t as good as the morphine shot that he craved. Leonardo was above him, petting him, telling him sweet nothings, and yes, Don was kind of stirred by this, but he didn’t feel pleasure at all like he used to. Don stayed still under Leo’s caresses for a while, as the leader worshiped his body. Perhaps with Leo’s love and care, he could get through the pain. Leo just had to be there with him for a week, as a withdrawal buddy, and then act like a real boyfriend does. If they could be a real couple, openly, with everyone’s blessing and no drama, then maybe Don wouldn't have to shoot up anymore.

“You… you don’t want me anymore, do you, Donnie?” the leader asked, upset, and Don didn’t know how to reply to that. His cock was flaccid, but that didn’t mean that he rejected Leonardo. He just couldn’t feel physical pleasure while needing the drug so badly. It wasn’t a no. While he was reflecting on the best answer to give without hurting the leader’s male pride, Leo straightened up.

“What is that?” he asked, his eyes looking at a point over Don’s shell, and Donnie, despite his state, followed the leader’s gaze.

His heart froze when he saw human shadows on the tunnel wall, getting closer to them on one of the screens linked to the security camera.

“Intruders?” he said aloud, bewildered, as Leo unsheathed his katanas, his stance steady.

“Yes. Do your magic, Donnie. We must get rid of them before they get there.”

Don had tried to be ready for this time all his life, now he truly wasn’t. Even less with his computer smashed.

“I need my computer!” he babbled frantically. “But I still can activate the door, with, uh...” Don turned around, sweating with panic. It was all happening damn too fast, even if he weren’t in this state. Like thirty seconds ago, Leo was giving him head, and now the leader barked at him.

“Move, Donnie!”

Yes, he moved, that for was sure, turning like a dog chasing his tail, running circles, eyes wild.

“Too late now, they’re here,” Leo said, counting the number of intruders with battle-white eyes. “There are 25 of them. We are outnumbered. Take your position!”

Automatically, Don seized his bo and swung it into a defensive stance, while the reality of their situation crawled through his mind like angry ants. There were 25 intruders, and only two of them. No Raphael, rushing into the crowd like a tank. No lightning-fast Mikey, falling on them from the ceiling. No, there were only two turtles, and to be honest, Leo was kind of alone in this fight. Don would be more useless with each minute that passed. More than that, it was Donnie who had summoned them here, by bleeding in a damn antique shop.

How much would he have to pay for his sins?

“Maybe we could sneak past them into the garage,” Don whispered.

Leo didn’t even look at him, his face grave. Of course, the leader won’t back off from a fight.

“No. Michelangelo and Raphael will return before morning. These men will search everywhere, to have more proof of your existence and appearance. Once they discover how many we are, they will wait for us or track us down. We can’t attract danger to Raph and Mikey. These men must be taken down.”

Donnie tightened his hands around his bo. Leo must have felt pity for the fear apparent on Don’s face. He grinned strangely, probably an attempt at a reassuring smile.

“Don't worry, Donnie. I’m here. I won't fail you. Just keep them away from yourself as long as you can.”

The invaders broke into the lab a moment later, and everything became hellfire and gore pretty quickly.

They had guns, but instead of bullets there were darts. All the better for Donnie, they aimed at Leonardo, who was far more threatening than him. Leo was as sharp and effective as his blades, dodging the darts aimed at him, and slicing off heads or limbs.

Donatello’s own arms felt heavy and limp as a damp towel, and the smell of blood was too strong. It was too hot, too noisy, too chaotic, and Don cramped in two to puke onto the floor. When he straightened up, there was a gun pointed at his head.

“Drop your weapons, sword turtle, or I’ll shoot.”

His guts twisted with more than nausea when Don heard the leader drop his katanas on the ground with a loud clang. His heart dropped when he saw Leo’s face. The moment that Don dreaded to see had arrived. Leonardo yielded to an enemy, kneeling in the gore, and he knew, oh, he knew what would happen next.

“Don’t harm him. Anyway, you can’t touch him. He is sick… and contagious. Please, leave him alone. He is not dangerous.”

“You can talk? Fascinating! And you have feelings, as some humans do.” the man said thoughtfully, obviously keeping himself apart from those humans.

By the sound of his voice, Donnie could tell them what kind of man he was. He had a commander’s tone like Leo, but the clinical detachment of a scientist. This man was the brains of the operation. To have figured out how to find them, and how to bend Leo to his will, he must be in charge.

“Please…” Leo begged again.”Whatever you need him for, take me instead.”

“You have scientific installations, here…” the man said, looking around while keeping his gun on Donnie’s head. ”Who runs this little laboratory?”

“Me!” Leo lied. “I’m the brains of the two of us. Donnie can’t even talk!” the leader declared, with a warning look at the genius. Donatello wasn’t stupid. Leo was describing him as a contagious retard to draw the man’s attention away from him. If Donnie couldn’t talk and was sick, he would be useless for whatever plans the man had. The withdrawal made it a credible lie, indeed.

“Really?”

At the same moment, the man swung the barrel of the gun away, and Donnie didn’t have the time to blink before the man shot Leonardo.

“Leo!” Don yelled, in the worst panic of his life, crawling to his brother. “How could you have killed him?” Don screamed with pure hate. “He was disarmed!”

“Your Leo is a liar. You can talk." the man quietly pointed out."It’s true at least that you aren’t the brains of the family. He isn’t dead, just under powerful anesthesia. I need him, and I won’t lose seventeen of my men to let my new project die.”

It was true. Leo was alive, not bleeding, with just a dart in his left arm that Don removed. Leo opened his eyes languidly and whispered something, but Donnie couldn't hear because one of the goons was asking a question.

“What’ll we do, boss? You want me to kill the purple one or should we bring it with us?”

The man considered Donatello.

 “No. He is sick. He won’t survive the first test, but this one.” he said pointing Leo, “ is in perfect health. I could run many experiments on him. He is as fierce as a tiger and clever. I love the challenge of a smart adversary, and when they are wild there is more pleasure in taming them. Look at this powerful creature. He still fights against the anesthesia. Prepare the crate to bring my new specimen aboveground.” he declared, with hunger."But I want a sample of this one, too"

It couldn’t be true. Don was a genius. He had to find something, to trick them and save Leo. His brain had to find a solution. But the stress, the withdrawal, they crushed all his mental ability. He was now just a terrorized animal, like a young rabbit in front of a hunter, seeing his impending death.

“Donnie…”

Donatello, trembling, falling apart, looked down to his leader. He had failed Leo, and Don just wanted to die of shame right here and now. He had spent his time getting high, instead of protecting their house with efficient inventions. He had led these monsters here, and hadn’t been able to fight because his stupid body needed stupid drugs! If only Don could press some kind of “auto-destruct” button.

“Donnie...There was no starfish...blue.” the leader struggled to say, and Donnie understood what was happening in Leo’s drugged mind. Leo was saying that he had foreseen his death in the bottom of the river. “Tell the purple one, that I regret its death. Should have left it there. It would have been fine, alone…”

Leo was trying to reassure him, but he only increased Don’s insane amount of distress.

“Leo…”

Two men came up behind him, and after having planted a syringe in his arm, in a sharp move to probably get a blood sample, they dragged Don to the central beam of his lab. A third tied Donnie up to the beam.

“Leo!” Don yelled a second time, realizing that he was immobilized, and so powerless while the Evil Scientist dragged Leo into the crate.

“ Blue... it makes me remember...Do you remember, Donnie…” Leo asked, and then began to recite. Even though the words were slurred, they were still so recognizable. Donnie broke down even more.

 "Your blue eyes like two blueberries

Follow me in the faded grass

And near the lake with slender reeds

Where the messy breeze

Dancing minuets.

I know it was for April...I was upset that it wasn't for me…” Leo said, closing his blue eyes, which seemed more magnificent than ever, even with their vacant expression.

Yes, Donnie remembered. Leo’s head fell onto his shoulder, and even if Don knew that the leader was only knocked out by anesthetic, he yelled like a wounded animal. He thrashed so hard that he felt as if he might pull down the ceiling. It didn’t seem to impress the men, who zipped Leo into a body bag and locked him into a crate. Donnie felt like he was losing his mind from the pain. He didn’t even feel the withdrawal symptoms anymore, only rage, despair, and the desire to kill.

They tagged Leo’s bag with a number, and the “1451” burned into Donnie’s retinas, as his mind irrelevantly made a connection with the year of Gutenberg’s invention of the printing machine.

“Are we letting this one live, boss?”

“Yes. There may be others. I need him to live and talk, so they will come to us, and I will have other specimens. Or perhaps he’ll die there. Either way, in his shape he is useless to me.”

So Donatello was unworthy and unwanted even to the bad guys, just like he was for everybody else. Don snarled, growled and tried to kick free like an enraged bull, but the man didn’t even look at him. He just took a cell phone from his pocket and walked toward the exit with long strides.

“I don’t think that Bishop has such a great idea.” one of the mercenaries whispered as they gathered up equipment from their fallen comrades. “If there are others, it could be dangerous. We should just burn the place to the ground.”

The other shrugged, hefting Leonardo’s crate.

“Just shut up and do what you’re being paid for. It's not our business. Anyway, this one is gonna die soon. Look at it.”

“Bishop,” Don told himself. A tricky chess piece.

They left Donatello in the dark, still yelling and cursing, in the middle of the scene of carnage, chained to the beam. He screamed Leo’s name until his voice broke, maybe two or three hours later, only stopping to throw up and then sob, covered in puke.

Their story had begun with a poem and finished with the same. With his stupid lie, Don had driven them to this atrocious end, like an infernal domino game.

He had failed Leo. He had failed all of them. He hoped that the thugs were right and that he would die soon. Don couldn't stay alive while Leo was used as a guinea pig. He didn’t want to see Raph and Mikey and explain to them that their leader was gone, promised to a horrible fate, and that it was his fault. He had always mocked the idea of seppuku, but if his hands were free, he would have done it. Or maybe have taken a deadly shot. Dying of overdose would be a pathetic end, good for a pathetic shellbrain.

Then, a crazy idea came to him. The beam was concrete. He just had to smash the back of his skull until he died. That way, this useless, so-called genius brain would be punished.

"Your blue eyes like two blueberries…” he repeated, punctuating the words with a hard smack of his own skull on stone. There was no crack yet, but he had still four lines to say before dying…

“Follow me in the faded grass...”

 

Fin.(End of the part one? End of all of it? Maybe...)


	30. Chapter 30

Hi. Just a quick update.

 

1\. Did you see Donnie's picture in the last chapter?

 

2\. I'm currently writing a second part to this because people seem to want it. I'm done with the chapter one, but the beta could take a week. The title will be: **"Deep Water".** So, fan of Trainwreck, stay tuned.


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